After Cancer, During Tamoxifen... Before Life

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SAvent
SAvent Member Posts: 62
in Breast Cancer #1

I get depressed and then feel guilty for being depressed because i know there are so many people worse off than me. Doesnt stop me from being depressed though.

Im highly emotional & cry at random which I never did before Cancer. Extremely frustrating because prior to that I was very level headed and had no problem controlling my emotions.

  Im 3 years Cancer Free, back to work for almost 18 monthes but still struggling to catch up on the bills that stacked up while I was out of work for a little over 2 years.  Im excited to be alive and want to do so much but seems like I cant accomplish anything. I volunteer in my community, take care of my grandmother and mother on my days off of work and try to be the best person I can. It just seems like since Cancer grabbed a hold of me I cant catch a break... am I crazy??

 

 

Comments

  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #2
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    Two Things...

    Hi -- I am sorry you are experiencing depression. I did too. Tow things may be happening.

    One: We often get into a "taking care of business mode" during treatments and don't realize what has just happened until it is all "over". It is like when you go to war, you are strong and ready for action. Then when war is over, you start to realize what just happened and start feeling the wounds created by the war, not just physically but mentally.

    Second: Tamoxifen may be causing your depression. I had depression due to tamoxifen (and still experience some level of it) for the first few months (I am on year 3). What level are you taking? I believe there is 10mg and 20 mg. (I take the 20).  Perhaps you can have a chat with your Onco to try and lower your dose to see if that makes a difference.

    Another thing you can do is take anti-depressants. It is very common for cancer patients to take it especially while taking a drug that causes depression. I never took it but I try to do different things and keep myself busy as much as I can. I love to write and I find it very therapeutic.

    I suggest you find something you love to do and try to take some time to enjoy it. You can do a blog! I am working on mine right now. There you can share your fears and everything this journey comes with. It will help you a lot!

    I hope things get better for you. You are not alone. There is hope.

     

    Take care.

    XOXO

     

     

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
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    sorry you are feeling this

    sorry you are feeling this way...there is NO NORMAL way to feel-we each handle things diffferently-I would go to primary care and talk to her/him to see what they think.  Perhaps find a support group!

     

    Denise

  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #4
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    sorry you are feeling this

    sorry you are feeling this way...there is NO NORMAL way to feel-we each handle things diffferently-I would go to primary care and talk to her/him to see what they think.  Perhaps find a support group!

     

    Denise

    You have walked and survived a 'JOURNEY' so few will never 
    experience, or know... I feeel and know your pain.  The ground beneath our feet -- crumbles and we are falling, no branches or ledges to grab onto to.
    We endure -- crawling (for most of us) to that finish line.  Once there, we are faced what I term, as "OUR NEW Normal".  

    Personally, once I finished treatments, surgeries and started my 'new normal' .. I was not whole, I was not the 'Vicki' , before breast cancer.  It took time, but thru therapy, support groups, and a personal quest of rediscovery -- I took











  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #5
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    LoveBabyJesus said:

    Two Things...

    Hi -- I am sorry you are experiencing depression. I did too. Tow things may be happening.

    One: We often get into a "taking care of business mode" during treatments and don't realize what has just happened until it is all "over". It is like when you go to war, you are strong and ready for action. Then when war is over, you start to realize what just happened and start feeling the wounds created by the war, not just physically but mentally.

    Second: Tamoxifen may be causing your depression. I had depression due to tamoxifen (and still experience some level of it) for the first few months (I am on year 3). What level are you taking? I believe there is 10mg and 20 mg. (I take the 20).  Perhaps you can have a chat with your Onco to try and lower your dose to see if that makes a difference.

    Another thing you can do is take anti-depressants. It is very common for cancer patients to take it especially while taking a drug that causes depression. I never took it but I try to do different things and keep myself busy as much as I can. I love to write and I find it very therapeutic.

    I suggest you find something you love to do and try to take some time to enjoy it. You can do a blog! I am working on mine right now. There you can share your fears and everything this journey comes with. It will help you a lot!

    I hope things get better for you. You are not alone. There is hope.

     

    Take care.

    XOXO

     

     

    sorry - I dont know what happen to my prior reply

    experience, or know... I feeel and know your pain.  The ground beneath our feet -- crumbles and we are falling, no branches or ledges to grab onto to.
    We endure -- crawling (for most of us) to that finish line.  Once there, we are faced what I term, as "OUR NEW Normal". 

    Personally, once I finished treatments, surgeries and started my 'new normal' .. I was not whole, I was not the 'Vicki' , before breast cancer.  It took time, but thru therapy, support groups, and a personal quest of rediscovery -- myself.

    Try not to beat yourself up - or feel guilty about anything ...  

    Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

    Vicki Sam

     

  • SAvent
    SAvent Member Posts: 62
    #6
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    THANK YOU!

    I am currently on my second year with Tamoxifen, The first year I was on 20mg, that turned me into a complete crybaby basket case.. Im down to 10mgs and have recently had my sentence extended from 5 years to 10. Big blow for me because I was looking forward to being done with it.

    You all have given some excellent metaphors and ways of expressing this feeling. Please dont get me wrong, for the most part Im usually ok. I might cry at TV shows and stuff but Im usually pretty functional, heck, Im the one everyone else comes to when they are stressed, depressed or in need of advise. BUT we all run out of steam sometimes especially when it seems like we have been running in place at top speed for so long.

    I refused anti-depression meds when they were offered to me because I didnt and still dont feel that I need them on a day to day basis. I am a spiritual person. I rely on God and my family & a few close friends for support but from having this post I am considering maybe joining a support group of ppl who have actually been through what I have. I mean my family & friends love me and do a great job being there for me but as I am the only cancer patient any of them know they can not really relate.

    And Im definitely going to take the advice of getting more involved in the things I really love & make me happy even when life isnt going so great. When I think about each of my problems most of them would be resolved with a winning mega-million ticket LOL In the meantime Ill just pray for more patience and try to focus on my many blessings.

    Thank You all for your support. God Bless & Good Luck on your journeys also.

  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #7
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    SAvent said:

    THANK YOU!

    I am currently on my second year with Tamoxifen, The first year I was on 20mg, that turned me into a complete crybaby basket case.. Im down to 10mgs and have recently had my sentence extended from 5 years to 10. Big blow for me because I was looking forward to being done with it.

    You all have given some excellent metaphors and ways of expressing this feeling. Please dont get me wrong, for the most part Im usually ok. I might cry at TV shows and stuff but Im usually pretty functional, heck, Im the one everyone else comes to when they are stressed, depressed or in need of advise. BUT we all run out of steam sometimes especially when it seems like we have been running in place at top speed for so long.

    I refused anti-depression meds when they were offered to me because I didnt and still dont feel that I need them on a day to day basis. I am a spiritual person. I rely on God and my family & a few close friends for support but from having this post I am considering maybe joining a support group of ppl who have actually been through what I have. I mean my family & friends love me and do a great job being there for me but as I am the only cancer patient any of them know they can not really relate.

    And Im definitely going to take the advice of getting more involved in the things I really love & make me happy even when life isnt going so great. When I think about each of my problems most of them would be resolved with a winning mega-million ticket LOL In the meantime Ill just pray for more patience and try to focus on my many blessings.

    Thank You all for your support. God Bless & Good Luck on your journeys also.

    I am so sorry that you are

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. :-(  Please know that you are always welcome here and it is always a safe place to vent! 

    Just wanted to say a couple of things.  One is that cancer increases our risk for depression/anxiety   See:

    "Some cancer patients may have a higher risk of depression.

    There are known risk factors for depression after a cancer diagnosis. Factors that increase the risk of depression are not always related to the cancer.

    Risk factors related to cancer

    Risk factors related to cancer that may cause depression include the following:

    After I had a recurrence, I was way too weepy and I knew it.  I asked my oncologist for an antidepressant (some antidepressants can not be used with tamoxifen) and I instantly felt better on a low dose of lexapro.  I then cut the pill in half with a pill splitter to see if I still felt the same and I did.  The low dose has less isde effects and still works for me (5 mg/day).  Don't suffer needlessly because depression is hard on your body too.  Your oncologist will know this and help if you need help.
    If you don't feel as if you need help, keep venting!  Cancer is hard and we all need to express it and get it out there sometime.  My sister set up a closed prayer group on Facebook for me and I have found it really helpful to discuss my life with cancer there.  It is so cathartic for me.  I put it all out there and then feel I can move on.
    Sending (((hugs))) and prayers and hope you feel better soon!!!
  • coco2008
    coco2008 Member Posts: 418
    #8
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    CypressCynthia said:

    I am so sorry that you are

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. :-(  Please know that you are always welcome here and it is always a safe place to vent! 

    Just wanted to say a couple of things.  One is that cancer increases our risk for depression/anxiety   See:

    "Some cancer patients may have a higher risk of depression.

    There are known risk factors for depression after a cancer diagnosis. Factors that increase the risk of depression are not always related to the cancer.

    Risk factors related to cancer

    Risk factors related to cancer that may cause depression include the following:

    After I had a recurrence, I was way too weepy and I knew it.  I asked my oncologist for an antidepressant (some antidepressants can not be used with tamoxifen) and I instantly felt better on a low dose of lexapro.  I then cut the pill in half with a pill splitter to see if I still felt the same and I did.  The low dose has less isde effects and still works for me (5 mg/day).  Don't suffer needlessly because depression is hard on your body too.  Your oncologist will know this and help if you need help.
    If you don't feel as if you need help, keep venting!  Cancer is hard and we all need to express it and get it out there sometime.  My sister set up a closed prayer group on Facebook for me and I have found it really helpful to discuss my life with cancer there.  It is so cathartic for me.  I put it all out there and then feel I can move on.
    Sending (((hugs))) and prayers and hope you feel better soon!!!
    Bless you through your issues.

    I also am a Christian. I believe God helps us super-naturally and naturally.  God can touch and heal. but sometimes he uses doctors and medications.  He created those doctors and the helped them during and after training.  He also allowed medications to be discovered.

    Sometimes He opens a door and sometimes a window.  He will not always supply want we expect, but what we need in His way.  Taking medication does not mean a lack of trust in God.  It is trust in His infinite ability to provide.

    If you need meds for a time don't worry.  He made the meds and He will be right there with you every step of the way.

    God be with you.  I will keep you in my prayers.

    Sandy

  • SAvent
    SAvent Member Posts: 62
    #9
    Options
    CypressCynthia said:

    I am so sorry that you are

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. :-(  Please know that you are always welcome here and it is always a safe place to vent! 

    Just wanted to say a couple of things.  One is that cancer increases our risk for depression/anxiety   See:

    "Some cancer patients may have a higher risk of depression.

    There are known risk factors for depression after a cancer diagnosis. Factors that increase the risk of depression are not always related to the cancer.

    Risk factors related to cancer

    Risk factors related to cancer that may cause depression include the following:

    After I had a recurrence, I was way too weepy and I knew it.  I asked my oncologist for an antidepressant (some antidepressants can not be used with tamoxifen) and I instantly felt better on a low dose of lexapro.  I then cut the pill in half with a pill splitter to see if I still felt the same and I did.  The low dose has less isde effects and still works for me (5 mg/day).  Don't suffer needlessly because depression is hard on your body too.  Your oncologist will know this and help if you need help.
    If you don't feel as if you need help, keep venting!  Cancer is hard and we all need to express it and get it out there sometime.  My sister set up a closed prayer group on Facebook for me and I have found it really helpful to discuss my life with cancer there.  It is so cathartic for me.  I put it all out there and then feel I can move on.
    Sending (((hugs))) and prayers and hope you feel better soon!!!
    wow!

    When meds were offered to me it was simply said "Well alot of ppl that go through cancer go through depression" with no real explaination or anything.

    This is extremely helpful. Atleast I know Im not losing my mind and that there are real reasons behind it.

    Im going to speak to my Onco about some more information, even if I dont take the meds I can atleast be better informed and have a better understanding of what is going on with me.

    Thanks Cynthia!

  • SAvent
    SAvent Member Posts: 62
    #10
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    coco2008 said:

    Bless you through your issues.

    I also am a Christian. I believe God helps us super-naturally and naturally.  God can touch and heal. but sometimes he uses doctors and medications.  He created those doctors and the helped them during and after training.  He also allowed medications to be discovered.

    Sometimes He opens a door and sometimes a window.  He will not always supply want we expect, but what we need in His way.  Taking medication does not mean a lack of trust in God.  It is trust in His infinite ability to provide.

    If you need meds for a time don't worry.  He made the meds and He will be right there with you every step of the way.

    God be with you.  I will keep you in my prayers.

    Sandy

    very true

    Sandy I definitely agree because when I was dealing with it he sent me a team of medical professionals that came together and kicked my cancers butt! lol

    Luckily for me I dont get down and depressed very often and whats even better is I never stay down long but when I do feel bad, I feel really really bad.

    Im already getting over this round of the blues and trying to move foreword with the good things that I do have in my life and put the not so good things into perspective.

    Ive gotten some great advice from you ladies as to how to deal with this part of the journey that I plan to look into for the next time (or maybe there wont be a next time) I start to feel down.

     

    Thanks Sandy!

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