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Damnit! the anxiety is kicking in...

Anabel_Lee's picture
Anabel_Lee
Posts: 32
Joined: Mar 2014

Tomorrow I find out the results from my surgery. I find out if the wide local excision got clear margins and I find out what the other "4 areas of concern" are that the surgeon also removed. My emotions have been up and down while waiting for all of this to happen but now the anxiety is kicking in full force. That feeling that things around you aren't real and everything is irritating me that normally wouldn't.

I'm scared of the results, I'm scared of breaking down in the doctor's office, I'm scared of passing out or doing something equally as embarassing in the waiting room. My mind is jumping ahead of itself with all the worst case scenario's and I don't know how to calm it down.

I wish the surgeon could just call with results. Knowing that I have to go in there isn't helping matters.

Not even sure why I'm writing this post. Maybe just to hear some reassuring words from people that have been in my position at one time. My friend's are great but they don't understand so I just get the "you'll be fine" comments and I sure can't tell my mom how worried I am because then she'll get scared and I'll have to worry about how she's doing.

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 503
Joined: Jun 2011

Waiting stinks - so does the anxiety that comes along with it. Gotta find something to do to keep yourself busy tonight.

Movies? I watched The Heat with Sandra Bullock the other night - not Oscar material, but kinda funny (the part about the Spanks had me laughing out loud). If you have Comcast, it's being offered free right now. So's The Princess Bride - I haven't seen it but heard it was good. Or a good old action flick, like one of the Die Hard series.

What time is your appointment? Hope it's early. You're at the worst point right about now - tomorrow you'll either be jumping for joy (I Hope) or, at the very least, you'll have a plan of action.

eihtak
Posts: 849
Joined: Oct 2011

Often I wish we were all in the same town to go to appointments, hold a hand while waiting, or just walk around stressed out together......but unfortunately a cyber-hug is the best we can usually do! "HUG"

I don't know your relationship with your mom, mine died 8 yrs ago, but I still have my 83 yr old dad. One thing I have learned in my life is to never assume to know how the people we love will react to this type of news. For me sharing the good, bad, and all my worries and concerns was what they (mostly) needed as well. To assume that this would cause them undue worry themselves, and that they could not handle it was wrong, as I am blessed to have the strongest dad in the world and a supportive brother, sister, and children. My husband, who has much of his own health issues does his best, but is consumed with his own health worries......non-the-less, I try to keep them all informed and lean on them when I need to.

Do you have even just one person to go along with you to your appointment?? It is sometimes nice to have another person, even if they don't quite get it.

While you wait, try some exercise to take your mind off things, eat something you love, watch a good movie, or as I do when anxious.....clean like a mad woman!! When my husband first got sick and we were just embarking on a never ending cancer journey I cleaned and painted two rooms in record time!

Well anyhow, I will be thinking of you and sending lots of virtual mental calmness your way!

katheryn

Anabel_Lee's picture
Anabel_Lee
Posts: 32
Joined: Mar 2014

I wish I could bring you with me for some hand holding and some laughs while waiting Lol

I have a good relationship with my mom but she's suffered from anxiety/panic issues for years now. Plus her parents both died in 1983 from cancer and her brother died in the 90's from it (she's never really gotten over those loses) I'm sure she'd put on a brave face and be here right away if I needed her. I just don't want her making herself sick over anything.

I think I'll tell her things on a need to know basis.

Movies is a good idea and cleaning....good grief! My place needs that so bad haha

My appt is at 33:30 tomorrow. If you two could send some feel good vibes around that time, it would be appreciatedLaughing

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 503
Joined: Jun 2011

Good vibes all through the night and tomorrow too. Please let us know what you find out. Hope you get some good, deep sleep tonight. Dream about days past at the beach (it always works for me).

lp1964's picture
lp1964
Posts: 852
Joined: Jun 2013

To feel the way you feel. I wouldn't be any different. Have you considered some Xanax or Ativan To take the edge off?

Laz

Anabel_Lee's picture
Anabel_Lee
Posts: 32
Joined: Mar 2014

I do have four 0.5mg of ativan. Got it last year when I was going on a plane. I didn't use any and I still have them , although I'm not sure if there's an expiry date for those.

I did take one on the day of my surgery when I saw carcinoma in big, bold letters. Took the edge off.

Should probably have them in my purse tomorrow when I go.

z's picture
z
Posts: 1257
Joined: May 2009

The waiting is the hardest part, and once you know whats going on you'll feel so much better.  I would take an ativan now so you will have a good night sleep.  I hope you get good results tomorrow.  I like the idea of watching a movie, just to escape for a while.  I wish you the best. Lori

Anabel_Lee's picture
Anabel_Lee
Posts: 32
Joined: Mar 2014

to know the results, even when they're bad? Part of me thinks it would be because then that question mark is gone and a plan of action can be made but the other part of me thinks it will be awful to know and have it confirmed.

pializ
Posts: 270
Joined: Nov 2012

Whatever the results, you will handle it. It's incredible, but we do, I will be thinking of you, and if I could, I would be with you holding your hand. 

Best wishes

Liz

jcruz
Posts: 230
Joined: Jan 2013

Yes, it's a relief to have an answer and know that plans will be made.  At least it was for me.  The limbo state between my referral to the appt. to the biopsy results was 6 weeks of anxiety.  No, I didn't get good news and when I heard it from the doctor who called me one evening at home I fell to my knees and wept.  But I did get assurance about what comes next, new doctors, etc.  I think I lived in a state of horror and acceptance at the point.  Waiting another 6 weeks after tests and more doctors was also excruciating so by the time I got to my first day of both radiation and chemo I was so relieved.

Definitely take the ativan and ask for a new prescription.  It's just a good thing to have in your back pocket.

Janet

Anabel_Lee's picture
Anabel_Lee
Posts: 32
Joined: Mar 2014

when I was discharged from the hospital, I was told to make a follow up appt in 2 weeks with the surgeon to get results. Well, I went in for my appt and was told the results weren't in yet.

My nerves have been shot, waiting for today and I finally thought it would be over but pathology hasn't gotten results yet.

How long does it usually take? Now I have to wait around for a phone call.

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