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I need to ask women who understand

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 778
Joined: Mar 2013

Let me say I am now two years out from dx (4/2012) and doing well.  I think I always worry about every ache, bump, twinge, that cancer has come back.  I push it aside and think I need to adjust my thinking, but I also find myself worrying about my family and friends.  My sister travels and I worry something will happen.  Right before my dx my father passed and my mother lives alone in another state, so I worry about her.  I worry that the company I work for, in an industry in upheaval, could hit a major speed bump and I know that stress cannot help this evil disease. 

Fortunately a woman at work started a weekly yoga class and that has helped me to relax and refocus, but I still find myself worrying as yet another blood draw and gyn onc visit is about a week away. 

It seems everytime I turn around I hear yet someone else has been dx with some form of cancer.  Esophagus, lung, breast...some never had the chance to even fight it. 

Today was the "pink" race in town and an interview with a woman on TV said she beat her cancer to find it has metasticized to her bones and she says "It's ok."  NO IT'S NOT!  I hear the women here who have had recurrences. It was a google search which took me to a post by Linda (she has since lost her battle with UPSC) which found me all of you and, for which, I am so grateful.

I just feel in a hole right now.  I just want to scream.  I want you all to get better and give this disease the finger! 

This board is a great form of therapy.  I am thinking some of you know what I mean.  God bless all you warriors and thanks for listening.

Does it ever get easier?

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 719
Joined: Jun 2012

Wish I could give you a hug.  It's been a hard day after learning of Julie's death (ovarian and peritoneal boards).

Seeing Linda's name made me smile.  She led me here too.  What a legacy she has left us.  I'm so grateful.  I had never heard of  UPSC before I was diagnosed and still don't know of anyone else with it except through this board.  i certainly wouldn't want anyone to have it but am so comforted not to be alone.

Goldheart
Posts: 36
Joined: Sep 2013

I searched for UPSC and I found Linda's post. Then I became a member. She wiil be remembered. I have to say I am scared. I feel foolish for being hopeful sometimes. I feel helpless and numb a lot of times. But sometimes I also feel I am sick of being worried. Then I stop thinking about it. I stop worrying for a day or two and then I go back like an addict... One thing positive that I learnt from this ecperience is that I stopped wasting time worrying about small things and worrying about things that haven't happened, and life is short and time is passing fast. Being here is great. People that I don't know have given me hope. Let's beat the statistics. Big hug to you.

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 462
Joined: Apr 2011

Sorry you are having such a hard time with worrying. Which would be better worry about everything or worry about nothing? I am the person that does not worry about anything. I learned long ago that worry does not do any good. If you have no control over the situation and you cannot do anything to change it, then is out of your control, so worrying will not help. If it is a small problem don't worry about it because it is small. If it is in your control to change the outcome of an issue then make a plan and work the plan till it has come to close and you have the desired result.  The problem with that is the many moving parts and pieces and involvement of others.  So it goes back to do not sweat those things that you do not control.  Sounds simple but it does take work to get in a more calmer state.  It has taken me years. It started when I went through my divorce and I was left with lots of debt and a 18 month old daughter. I developed a village to help me raise her. They are still invilved with her. My mom was found in 1992 to havr stage 4 soft tissue sarcoma in a lump on her leg that had spread throughout her body. From the time they dicovered it till she passed was 3months. That sent me into early menopause and by 36 I had stopped all periods. I worried about money, about my daughter, about this and that it was slowly building up inside then I talked with a counselor and they told me that all the stress was hurting me and if I did not stop I would get sick. They said change your attitude stp worrying about the things I had no control over or could not do anything about. It was hard but I have tried and now I still worrying but not as bad as I did. Hang in ther. Trish

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 778
Joined: Mar 2013

Thank you ladies.  I have to say it took me a long time to post this.  It is something I have been thinking about and sometimes you need to bring it out in to the light to examine it and see it isn't all you thought it was.

As the Beatles sang, "I get by with a little help from my friends", and you ladies help me get by.

Thank you. 

 

 

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 719
Joined: Jun 2012

this would be a pretty superficial site if we didn't talk about things like this.  Thank you for opening up.

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 1386
Joined: Nov 2009

I worried all the time prior to my diagnosis.   Worried about my mother and father, my husband my kids,.  I worried I was too heavy, not a good mom, etc. etc.   I worried I had diseases or what if I got sick - who would take care of the kids.  Everything.   The funny thing is after I was diagnosed I didn't have to worry about getting cancer - I got it and I survived hearing those words.   I even finally after 20 years of marriage flew on a plane.    I still worry though (not like before).  Its my nature.  I just handle it different now.

Here are some quotes that might help:

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. - Leo Buscaglia

Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not. - Ana Monnar

Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow. - Philip Gulley

Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff. - Robert Eliot

Sending you hugs.

Kathy

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 462
Joined: Apr 2011

Love the second one. I had never heard it before. Trish

Caradavin's picture
Caradavin
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan 2010

Totally understand. This board is the right place to be, too.

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