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Lost my Mom 1.5 mos Ago and Feeling Lost Myself, 34years old

noee
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2014

I'm new to this board. I thought maybe reaching out to those who are going through the same experience would be helpful.

My mom had a very aggressive brain cancer that caught my family totally by surprise. She was sick for 2 years with the disease rapidy taking over the end of summer and through her death.

The experience of watching the person I loved the most in life and felt the closest to, get sicker and sicker was gut wrenching. She didn't handle it well, it was her second diagnosis with cancer and so was not up to fight again. I tried my best to give her strenght to fight, and she did but in the end she still lost her life and suffered.

I'm now left feeling extremely sad. Sad that she had to suffer so horribly, sad that she is no longer here to live life, sad that she will miss so much of my life and sad to live a life without her.

Every day I feel more lost and lack much energy to do much of anything outside of work. I used to be a go getter but now I feel defeated, tired of trying and not sure what I should be doing.

 

Can anyone relate? How did you get by? Is it ok to just ride with the sadness instead of fight it? I  feel guilty for feeling sad and tired and don't want to do much?

soul-mate's picture
soul-mate
Posts: 59
Joined: Feb 2014

Hi! Welcome to csn and yes you are going through a grieving process which is very normal to feel the way you do. Read my other reply to post just before this one about your new family so I don't have to repeat how this site will set you on a positive path in the day's ahead. So sorry about your loss and take care. Bye for now!

SOUL-MATE

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1614
Joined: Aug 2009

First, I want to tell you that I am very sorry for your loss. I know you have heard those words more often than you ever wanted and that they don't lessen your grief, but I haven't found any other words that express my thoughts better. I can tell you that grief takes time, lots of time. Be kind to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself right now. You're grieving. That's not a bad thing. After my husband died, one friend pointed out that it would be really sad if I didn't feel bad. We grieve because we love. If we didn't love, we would have no need to grieve. You loved your mother. Losing her hurts. Watching her die from cancer, was very hard. don't expect to "get over" that quickly. In fact, I'm convinced that we never get over our loss. We do learn to live beyond our hurt. We remember the good times. Our pain mellows. I think to get over our loss would mean forgetting our love for and from the loved one. I don't want to do that and I'm guessing you don't either. That doesn't mean we should wallow in our grief forever or not enjoy and embrace today. It does mean that it is ok to feel sad, to cry, to grieve. Give yourself time. Look into grief counseling or join a grief group if you think that will help. Take care of yourself. Come here to connect with others who understand what you are going through. I'm not sure any of us is "normal," but we are here and we do care. Fay

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5812
Joined: Apr 2009

Time is a great healer; I too lost my mother many years ago. I sometimes look back and can see her in my mind and just wish she was here to see my grandchildren and to be a part of their lives. My oldest daughter is so much like her it scares me sometime; she even looks a lot like her in some ways and in things that she does. Keep her in your memories and thank God that you had as much time as you did to be with her and to learn from her what was needed in life.

 

God Bless

Hondo   

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