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When I was at my very lowest.....

EaglesFly
Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 2014

I made a promise to myself that turns out to be a promise to many, maybe even to all.

Greetings to all here.

Upon my diagnosis (A result of severe paralysis and a particularly frightening seizure) I asked myself before I could speak, if I was worth what was to come, and when I understood that I was very much "worth it," I promised that I would make this into a good thing. I have a big job to do to turn the diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer, metastasized into my brain into something that is, over-all, a good thing. I have been a right side paraplegic with mild speech impediments who could not think through the process to type a character of any sort onto a computer and could not move either hand in any recognizable pattern to write a letter, either.... (did I tell you that I am a writer / author?) I have been very low.... And today I see nothing but more light and more future. I am well, I feel well and due; 50% to today's medical miracles, and 50% to my lighted spirit: I am happy, whole, no longer disabled, but I am not yet content. Now is when I must begin to deliver on my promise. It's a fine promise and I have a history of doing what seems impossible..... I need so many spirited smiles to make this work. On the balance... it is the all of you that is a truly good thing.

I am so warmed by the heart I've felt pulsing through the caring that fills so many of the postings on this board. My heart fills with meaning and warmth as I imagine the trials and the trails of those who are drawn to this place, given there is such difficult reason. 

 

Arthur.... I've taught eagle-like hearts to soar.

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5843
Joined: Apr 2009

Wow you are so right that in its self is a miracle to go from stage IV to healed, it just goes to show that all things are possible when you believe. I too am a man of faith; my cancer came back 3 times in the same place and the same cancer. I did everything the doctors said to do but the third time I said No that was enough. They told me all they could do was more chemo and maybe give me a year more at the most. No more chemo I told them, and then he said you only have less than 6 months. That was all 8 years ago why because there is power in prayer and faith when you believe.

Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us.

Hondo

EaglesFly
Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 2014

Very nice to cyber-meet you, friend,

Healed, but not cured. There's a great distinction between those words and that distinction was the very first thing referenced by my oncologist when I first met the man. I can't be cured, but I don't need to be. Cure would be required if I start planning to be immortal and I never did have that plan in mind! :) All I need to be is healed and healthy and I need to slow the cell reproduction of this cancer enough that it's something else that comes along to do me in and I shall be victorious. It's a sea changer, sometimes available just by seeing a different point of view. Did I tell you I think the world of my oncologist? Almost every single person who's had anything to do with my health care the past 6 months of this journey?

That said: I do feel a real miracle in me, too. I see it more clearly each time I ponder it. I am alive and I feel great and yet I now have astonishing memories of myself feeling not just poorly, but severely dissabled. The empathy I've been given is amazing. Like all humans, I never could really feel what people experience when they lose the use of parts of their bodies and minds. My grandfather, a very close friend of mine and others I've known who've suffered strokes. Now, I really do know a LOT of what it feels like. Hondo, that's a great gift; nothing less. There's more miracle... and many more words... I'll not crush this place in just my second posting! LOL

There is power in belief and belief is as broad as the entire Universe. Opportunity is just as large, too.

Thank you for the warm welcome.

Arthur

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5843
Joined: Apr 2009

 

The journey we take in life will often lead us to many directions I know mine have lead me to be a better person then I was before. Like many of others I don’t know why I got cancer but then I don’t know why anyone gets this stuff, but what I do know it will give you a choice that you will need to make; let it kill you or overcome it and live. I like you have chose to live but for me I have not the strength in myself so I must put my faith in someone who is stronger then I and able to give me life. I have lost my voice and a lot of things now are so much different than before, the only sure thing is my Lord and savior who is always with me. God leads us to cross each other’s path in life and I am glad ours have meet.

I hope you keep coming back and be a part of all of us.

Hondo

EaglesFly
Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 2014

You too. I am very happy to meet you and share. I'll be back, although I am on the lookout for a somewhat more active forum, I think. Yep... head-on. That's my way it turns out. Funny thing is, if you'd asked me a year ago if I had the strength to endure what I've been through the past 6 to 8 months I'd have said, "no" But all through this, the one thing that goes almost completely missing is fear. 

So proud of you friend. You've battled this on your terms and with the alliance of the entire universe (You may use the word God, but you tap the ALL of it, too) And look at you in defiance of those ods. So sorry you've lost your voice, but it does still call out well right here.

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5843
Joined: Apr 2009

Thanks for your kind words and the help and strength you give to others.

I am also on the Head & Neck forum of this site give it and many other site a try   http://csn.cancer.org/forum/164

http://csn.cancer.org/forum

Alway with you in pray

Tim Hondo

EaglesFly
Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 2014

And always with you, as well, my meaningful friend.

 

Arthur

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5843
Joined: Apr 2009

I have a Sermon I call Prison it is about people like us who are trapped in our bodies with no way out. But at the lowest point when we are down and beat there is hope in Jesus. Read and see what you think.    

 

 http://www.restoringgodstruth.com/prison/

 

God Bless

Tim Hondo

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