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Victory over the C word!

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Hi all!  

I haven't posted for quite some time but I have been lurking now and then to keep up with the news on the pros like Fox (congrats on finishing and surviving the IL2!) and so many others of you with much tougher cases than mine (I was T1b grade 2).  Partly I have stayed away (well except for the lurking) because I just needed a break from the C word. But also I didn't really feel worthy of advisng others when I didn't feel very strong mentally and emotionally myself.  WELL, yesterday I realized what I consider a great victory....I forgot that yesterday was my 2 yr anniversary of my radical nephrectomy!!  Can you believe that?  I FORGOT ABOUT IT!!  YAY!!  Subconsciously I must have thought of it because I put on my cancer survivor t-shirt, but conscious it wasn't even in my thoughts.  A co-worker remembered and said to me with abig smile on her face: "Happy 2 yr anniversary!" And I said, "What?" And she reminded my that Feb 21 2 yrs ago was my nephrectomy day.  She even said that she thought that's why I wore my cancer survivor shirt.  And I got sooooo happy when I realized I had forgotten about it.  What a victory to me.  I realized that cancer is no longer by first thought of the day nor even any thought during the day some times.  That is such a relief I can't even tell you!

 

So, to the other newer folks that have asked about the mental and emotional side of this diagnosis just hold onto the thought that it really does get easier and some day, (I hope for everyone!!) it won't be in your every thought of evey day forever!  It's a ***** while it is, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, just hold on!!  I even have scans approaching but I'm not really anxious abut them.  I sort of look forward to them because I trully believe they will be clean and clear.  And if they're not then OK I'll have a fight on my hands.  But so many on here (like Fox) have taught me thay even being in that fight doesn't mean it's over.  It's not over ;til the fat lady sings...and I am the fat lady and I ain't singin'!!! LOL

Everyone take care and take strenght from the others on this board!

-Kris

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 353
Joined: Oct 2013

Way to go, Kris! I am a newbie here, and appreciate your input. My first scan is coming up next month. Fox, Ron, Nano and many others have helped me to feel more relaxed about it all. I have learned from them that there is more than one way to skin a cat - if something shows up, it can be cut out or treated by the multitude of meds that they have out there. When I tell concerned friends and family that it is something to look at as more of a chronic thing, they seem pleasantly surprised and relaxed. No point wasting time and energy worrying!!

Hugs,

Jojo

 

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Hi Jojo-

I have seen your posts as I've been lurking and am gald to hear you're doing well and have such a great attitude!  Good luck with you're up coming scans!!

 

-Kris

Srashedb
Posts: 167
Joined: Dec 2013

JoJo:

it is hard to believe you are due for scans; it does seem like you just had the surgery.

My husband just did his second set of CT scans in addition to an MRI and full bone scan yesterday. He has a great attitude and although I stay upbeat and positive for him, the anxiety is horrific.

I actually drove to San Francisco today to pick up the 2 final reports; we were told by the doc that another was preliminary and was good. So, now it is the MRI that will have to wait until Monday..... an eternity.

I would have finalized our trip to Hawaii today if only I had not had my credit card used fraudulently. Now, I have to wait until the replacement arrives on Monday. But, it is great to look forward to Hawaii (even if his scans aren't due again after our return). 

Sarah

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 353
Joined: Oct 2013

Hi Sarah,

Sorry about your credit card incident  - the challenges never end, do they? However, driving to San Francisco sounds like heaven in itself! Smile

Anxiety is a bit of self torture, isn't it? I hope you will be able to be anxiety-free soon, and the good news continues. When you book your trip, put the MRI results out of your mind. We are all sending our good thoughts your way!

Hugs

Jojo

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

I meant the subject to read :Victory OVER the C word..ah well

twinthings's picture
twinthings
Posts: 389
Joined: Jun 2013

Kris, thanks for sharing your thoughts. 

It's encouraging to newbies like me, who still, 9 months later, thinks about cancer every. single. day.  Unlike jojo and so many others, my attitude sucks!  Granted, it's getting better, but I still have a long way to go. 

I have such admiration for fellow survivors who are consistently upbeat and positive, whose attitudes work for them vs against them, like mine.  I strive to be more like them but if I said it was easy, I'd be lying. 

The giant bulge in my stomach (a result of my surgery) that prevents any and all of my clothes from fitting properly and comfortably is a constant reminder of my kidney cancer, every day I get dressed.  Will it go away?  Not according to my doctor.  So, I don't see how I will ever again wake up and get dressed and not think about it.  I am thankful to God that my cancer is gone and, I get that whining about the after effects makes me sound ungrateful and pathetic but, to me, the bulge is a BIG problem.  Not as big as cancer, but a problem none the less.  I'm sure some will judge me and think my issues with my bulge are driven by vanity, but they'd be wrong.  They're far deeper than that.  I have no choice but to accept it, now I just have figure out a way to deal with it...graciously.  I'm working on ithat

My attitude has been a work in progress, some days it's better than others.  Your little pep-talk gives me hope!  And, I know that at the end of the day, if my bulge continues to be my biggest hurdle, that makes me one of the lucky ones.

Jojo - you always make me smile!  If attitude is any predictor, your scans are gonna be perfect next month.  Wow, it's hard to believe it's almost time for first scans...seems like only yesterday you were having surgery.

It's a beautiful sunny day here in SE Ohio.  Hope you guys are drenched in sunshine too and having a great day!

Sindy

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 353
Joined: Oct 2013

Hi Sindy!

Thank you for the compliments! But I thnk you are way too hard on yourself when you talk about your attitude!! You were one of the first people to respond to me when I first posted on this site. And I was scared! Your advice, encouragement and caring words had a very positive impact on how I looked at this new health issue in my life.

I always look forward to reading what you have to say and never have thought that you could improve your attitude - I consider you to have a great attitude! Look how you fought to get yourself better medical care. I admre that a lot. And I do have my doubts and worries (in fact in my lifetime I have been a horrendous worrier, but I think I might have worried myself out.)

I understand how the bulge bothers you. Mine does sometimes too. It is a constant reminder not only of what we have been through, but a reminder that it can still return. The bulge reveals our vulnerablity. Plus - let's face it - it is hard to hide in a swimsuit! Last Father's Day, I had a really bad fall down the stairs and the most impact was on my left BUTTOCKS (said with a Forest Gump accent). It swelled HUGE (as if it wasn't huge enough!! - and just one side!) - I've still got a big lump in there, just not as big - it may never go away. I remember going to the beach the next month and there was no way I could hide that in a swimsuit - I was embarrassed because it was so bizarre looking. My sons and their girlfriends were with me and my hubby at the beach and even they were shocked to see how big it was! Maybe now with this flank bulge on the other side, it will offset or give my uneven BUTTOCKS an optical illusion of balance!!

I do have my moments of worry and negative attitude though. I have always considered myself a healthy person. And now I reflect back on things and add up my health "incidentals" and I must admit that sometimes I think, out of the 4 siblings, why am I the one getting almost all of it? Plus I survived over 27 years in an abusive marriage, while my 3 sisters had doting and supportive husbands. I still struggle with those issues. But I try to compartmentalize them now. My first husband ruined 27 years of my life, I am not going to let him ruin any more. I now am so happy to be with a kind and patient man and to live the life that I have, so grateful to finally have peace, that sometimes I just feel buoyant and I think I can take on anything! (except weight loss, it seems! LOL)

Once again, I have digressed and rambled. Here's to working through our fears and struggles! We can do it!

Hugs,

Jojo

 

 

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

As I've said I've been lurking and I've read most of your posts and "attitude sucks" is the LAST phrase I would thinking of with regard to you.  I know during the last 2 years many people had said to me how great I seemed to be handling things and I felt like such a fraud.  DON'T feel bad about yourself and your attitude...I thnk you're selling yourself short!! That C word knocks the wind out of you and it takes quite a while to learn to breath easily again.  Cut yourself some slack!  

As far as the flank buldge goes I haven't had that experience.  Maybe I have one and it's under too much fat for me to even realize it Laughing.  You don't sound ungrateful or pathetic or vain!  It's a constant reminder of cancer for you.  Maybe try and think of that buldge as a badge of victory from your "tumor independence day"  Better to have a buldge that won't grow than a tumor that will?  I hope that helps'; but maybe I shouldn't comment on something I don't have to deal with.  Just don't beat yourself up over having the buldge OR over being upset that it's there.

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Southern Indiana too.  Took the dog and the hubby for a walk and didn't even have to wear a coat- OUSTANDING!!

Have a great evening!

Kris

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1183
Joined: Jan 2013

JoJo, you got the NED Mo Jo... sending good vibes your way...!!

Ron Cool

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 353
Joined: Oct 2013

Thanks, Ron! I hope you are right about the NED Mojo!

You still enjoying your retirement?? (I think I know the answer to that! LOL)

Hugs,

Jojo

TillieSOK's picture
TillieSOK
Posts: 232
Joined: Jul 2013

Hey Sindy, do you think we could get a group discount if we both went in for some liposuction and tummy tuckin'?  I've about had it with my belly bulge, too!  I could, however, being of the 'no-assatall' species, use a rump bump if I could figure out how to get one without falling down the stairs!  I'm just not that into S&M....although M&Ms excite me!  On a brighter note...I have Bwaaaaiiinnnnns! And I have the MRI to prove it! Yay!  And I have HEALTHY brains!  Nothing there that shouldn't be, except some gray hairs growing in there! HaHa!  The tremors, which have gotten worse are what's known as familial essential tremors.  Sounds important, but it just means my legs and arms and hands shake....maybe I could start a new dance craze?

I'm so happy for everyone who has had good results and praying for those who have scans coming up.  I get to have the C/A/P CT next week. Fingers crossed the lung thingies haven't grown....

CommuterMom's picture
CommuterMom
Posts: 120
Joined: Jan 2014

Hi Kris,

I loved your positive post! It made me happy and was full encouragement.

Sindy I know its easy to let our fears get the best of us but often the worst part is enduring the fear. I need to remember my own advice here. :)

Jojo I feel down some steps 10 years ago and had a hematoma that was huge and purple on my butt cheek. I must have damaged the muscle because it left a dent and looks like cellulite on that spot. I share your burden!

 

-Diana

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1875
Joined: Oct 2011

I've been wondering what was up. Nice progression you have made. It is amazing the fears we live through. Then with time we look back with some awe as to what we've endured. I remember the support you needed. Glad we were here for you. Now don't be a stranger.

Belly bumps and rump lumps. And some people are worried about bikini lines. What do they know? It just isn't fair so they called in the umps. The head official had one good leg and the other was a stump. They called him Skip. ........

Diana, look at you! 91 posts! Bet you hadn't planned on sticking around so long. If given a choice of 20 forums to join to make new friends, I'll bet this would have been your last choice. Right behind the "Nasal Drip Society" and the "Ear Wax Owners Club". How about the "Body Flaws are Us" or the "Fun things to draw when connecting the Scars". I can see it now. "Hi, my name is Diana. I've got a dent in my a$$."..and.."Hello, my name is Sindy. And I am not smuggling a loaf of bread under my shirt." ..Jojo says," Fukk it. Who brought the Beer?" Oh wait, that one is me. ..Ron has posted in the " I don't want no stinken Gerkin, but you should see my Gold Star twerkin." And the best one is last. Hall and Oats "Sarah Smile"

Cancer sucks but LIFE IS GOOD!! We make our best of it. No one made their cancer go away by *****en about it.

danbren2's picture
danbren2
Posts: 171
Joined: May 2013

Fox is so right, this is not a group I would have wanted to belong to, but now that I am here I can't thank anyone enough for helping me!  I can remember the sleepless nights, crying when I heard the C word, and never thought I would get over it!  And, now, believe it or not there are days that I don't even think about the C word.  The great people that I have met here have given me such strength!

Having the C word is not fun, but statistics do not scare me anymore, not with the stride so many have made while dealing with this dreadful disease!

JoJo, wishing you the best on your scans, and know that no matter what we will be here!

                                                Love and prayers for good health!

                                                 Brenda

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