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The Gift of Friendship.

mariam_11_09's picture
mariam_11_09
Posts: 693
Joined: Nov 2009

I hold back from posting what is really going on for me because it is not breast cancer related and so many wonderful women on this board are dealing with their own mortality with stage 4 breast cancer.   However since I have a tendency to alienate myself when things get tough I decide jto do something different. I am struggling with many things, one with complex post traumatic stress, the other is a wonderfully gifted daughter that shows many symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder (while I don't like the disorder part the rest does apply to her) and ensuing bouts of depression that is related.  
 
While my daughter is not an extreme case of ODD, she does not do drugs, or alcohol or has a boyfriend that I am aware of and while her grades are mediocre she is not yet failing.   Still, our home life is often a war zone, riddled with blame (lack of personal responsibility on her part), manipulation and escalation that brings up both down in the worse possible way.  I have been told by two therapists and her pediatrician, I must no longer prop her up, I need to let her fail/fall and not go running to her aid. Some of it is just being a teenager and most of it is her being this way since a very very young age.  It has worn me down and leaves me feeling suffocated, lost, deeply saddened, heart broken and wondering what is this thing we call life. 
 
 However I am very grateful for the creative outlets that do keep me going, the volunteer work I manage to do,  and friends, many from this site that make it all worth while.  So thanks to all of you and special thanks to those of you who check in with me even though your own situation is way worse.  We really do have some angels on this board.

Big hug to you all

Mariam

aisling8's picture
aisling8
Posts: 1290
Joined: Feb 2010

I'm glad you posted. Sometimes it's good to be "known." Sending you positive energy and a huge hug.

xo

Victoria

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5451
Joined: Oct 2010

OMG  BEEN there and done that...sounds like my oldest...(NOW ON Her won at age 26 with 3 kids)

I can totally relate...PM me is you want to vent -I GET IT..

Denise

New Flower
Posts: 4072
Joined: Aug 2009

Marian

i am very sory. I hope to give you a real hug when I visit north. I am secretly thinking of visiting again.

whishing you a better day today

hugs

gagee
Posts: 323
Joined: Sep 2010

Wish I could help. I no some of what you may be going through.  This site has been so good to me and many. I feel I am not as bad off but the word CANCER scared me.  Know that most everyone here is helpful and heartful to all. 

Hugs and Prayers to you ,Diana

RozHopkins
Posts: 471
Joined: Dec 2010

I cannot say on an open forum what we went through.  I can just say I totally understand your problem.  Let me tell you, though it will not help, that our problems were worse especially at teenager and in early 20s age.  I adored my daughter but difficulties began as a toddler.  I am sure we are all to blame to some degree as I have suffered from depression since around 12 year old myself.  One of the things I found was that she is extremely bright and VERY competitive.  She will only learn from personal experience which made us fear for losing her forever, as been in dangerous situations.  If any one could be in the wrong place at the wrong time it is her.  I have never known anyone with such bad luck.  Year by year things have improved a little.  I am afraid these children usually pick the wrong relationships also which can be catastrophic.  Start now to make rules, you must stick to them and you and your wife must look and be united in front of her.  These children know how people 'tick' are very sensitive to what people really think.  Find they cannot keep friends indefinitely either, they get too involved in others weaknesses and use this knowledge against them when things get tricky.  You must find a way to protect yourselves from the pain and guilt for you own healths sake.  Tough in deed.  If you want to email me please let me know on this site.  It goes a long way just to talk, please lean on people you trust 100 percent to keep your conversations private.

mariam_11_09's picture
mariam_11_09
Posts: 693
Joined: Nov 2009

Thanks to you all of your for the words of encouragement.  Denise and Rozhopkins I am so sorry that you both know this situation with your own daughters.   I am likely to PM both of you.   It is difficult and these kids are very bright and perceptive.  I am really doing my best to do what I can to take care of myself because my health plummets during the most stressful times. 
 
New Flower, I would LOVE to see you again.  If you guys are planning a reunion down south let me know because I WILL come.

Hugs
Mariam

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