I hold back from posting what is really going on for me because it is not breast cancer related and so many wonderful women on this board are dealing with their own mortality with stage 4 breast cancer. However since I have a tendency to alienate myself when things get tough I decide jto do something different. I am struggling with many things, one with complex post traumatic stress, the other is a wonderfully gifted daughter that shows many symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder (while I don't like the disorder part the rest does apply to her) and ensuing bouts of depression that is related.
While my daughter is not an extreme case of ODD, she does not do drugs, or alcohol or has a boyfriend that I am aware of and while her grades are mediocre she is not yet failing. Still, our home life is often a war zone, riddled with blame (lack of personal responsibility on her part), manipulation and escalation that brings up both down in the worse possible way. I have been told by two therapists and her pediatrician, I must no longer prop her up, I need to let her fail/fall and not go running to her aid. Some of it is just being a teenager and most of it is her being this way since a very very young age. It has worn me down and leaves me feeling suffocated, lost, deeply saddened, heart broken and wondering what is this thing we call life.
However I am very grateful for the creative outlets that do keep me going, the volunteer work I manage to do, and friends, many from this site that make it all worth while. So thanks to all of you and special thanks to those of you who check in with me even though your own situation is way worse. We really do have some angels on this board.
Big hug to you all