Jan 08, 2014 - 6:53 am
I am not sure if this is just me psychologyically preparing myself for bad news next week, or if this is a long term problem. I am in a lot of pain...19 months post nephrectomy, deep under the scar hurts. And the ribs around there hurt. And where the chest tube was after the Met was removed hurts...and neuropathic pain, and something near the upper left portion of the abdomen, and other things at times, and a constant pain/pressure from lymph nodes in my groin (I think I can feel hard lymph nodes....they do not hurt, but press on the surrounding tissue).
I amost hope that the scans show the cause of the pain. I think what scares me more than dying is this pain forever. I can not sit for long periods, and I can not exersize. So I am kind of almost hoping it is not NED (though I feel like that is wrong -- I should want NED). (it also might be that my job is very unstable and I am worried about money if I lose it...I do not think, in my current physical situtation, I could find another job).
If it is not cancer, then what is causing the pain? Questions for my Doctors. But, the Oncologists lose interest once it is not cancer. I have not talked to my PCP about it...
Or should I talk to a shrink to learn how to live with the pain?
UPON REFLECTION (several hours later), this is how I am dealing with scanxiety....rationalizing that positive result is not that bad.