Dec 29, 2013 - 2:02 am
I celebrated several health milestones this year; September 17th marked three years from my Triple Negative Breast Cancer Diagnosis; March 31st marked two years from my last chemotherapy treatment, June 1st marked two years from the last of three breast cancer surgeries and August 15th marked two years from my last radiation treatment. I have continued to remain cancer-free, although live with the constant reminders of this season of my life with chronic Lymphadema and painful neuropathy of my left arm and hand, as well as having three recurrences of Lymphadema related Sweet’s Syndrome. I continue to be very closely monitored and tested ever three and six months by her GP and Oncologist.
I have a loving husband, Scott and three beautiful daughters.
Scott’s uncle, (mother’s side), died mid-May from a long, drawn-out battle with Stage 4 Cancer of Unknown Primary which infiltrated his entire lymphatic system. One of Scott’s mother’s 1st cousin died 3 weeks later after a horrible battle with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer that was discovered quite by happenstance – she died within 6 weeks of diagnosis. Scott’s older brother, Bruce, died September 5th after an amazingly courageous 16 year battle that included known and experimental treatments and three bone marrow transplants. Then on December 22nd a very dear and special friend of ours passed away after her 18 month battle with Stage 4 Lung Cancer that quickly metastasized into her bones and lymphatic system (Lymphangitic metastatic disease).
If that wasn’t enough, Scott’s aunt Betty was diagnosed with cancer in her lady parts and underwent surgery (a full hysterectomy) in the fall. Two other very close family friends are presently battling through cancer recurrences, one who is going through chemo and radiation simultaneously and the other who is having major surgery on January 21st and the odds are not in her favour.
I personally feel like I continually live under a dark malignancy of Cancer reminders, haunted and stalked by it. I have persistent fear and anxiety and recently my psychiatrist added 10mg of Nortriptyline to the 200mg of Sertraline that I already take because I don’t sleep and when I do sleep, it’s not restful and is plagued with nightmares and PTSD related flash-backs.
I have suffered from Major Depression for years, but it has been much worse over the last three years.
Will there ever be a time that I can live free from fear?