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My Clinical oncologist SCARES ME!

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2052
Joined: Oct 2008

My first female onco Scares me like hell!  She is like Joyce Grenfell on amphetamines!  She swans into the room (late) with weird clothes, full make-up and a huge smile.  She adresses me like I am a primary school pupil, her eyes light up!  Scared! Jxx

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8499
Joined: Aug 2009

wet myself ...   Sorry, but I can vision your visit

-  I would be sitting in a corner with a knife, and blanket - in fear of what is next...

so so sorry -- scary, but interesting... 

 

Vicki Sam

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2052
Joined: Oct 2008

She gets scarier every visit, I should only meet with her on halloween!

SAvent's picture
SAvent
Posts: 51
Joined: Nov 2013

Well we will just hope her strange eccentric ways means she is some kind of onco genius that will make everything better for you.

God Bless & Good Luck

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2052
Joined: Oct 2008

She gets worse every time I see her, she is well scary!

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4017
Joined: Oct 2009

OK, I am just going to put this out there.  Some of the best oncologists have crappy bedside manners.  Oncology is as much an art as a science.  I believe I lucked into an outstanding young oncologist 26+ years ago who had great instincts, but a kind of lousy bedside manner.  He is so freaking smart and he really, really listens to me.

But, we have come a long way together.  Originally, he was brash, ice cold and blunt.  I had Stage 3 and he was not optimistic back in 1987.  He scared the crud out of me on more than one occasion.  I had a couple of people who told me that they went once to him and then wouldn't go back.  He told my older sister that, if tamoxifen was making her mentally unstable, she needed to see a psychiatrist.  She does need a psychiatrist, by the way, but he was less than diplomatic. 

My gut told me to stay the course with him.  When I talk with him, I can almost visibly see wheels turning in his brain.  Over the years, I have seeked a second opinion and he is always, always fine with that - something I really respect.  But he has always steered me to a treatment regimen that I have responded to: some of that is luck, but some of it is his brilliant mind.

BTW, he is a total teddy bear now and we have so much love and respect for each other.  Before he starts a regimen, he comes armed with scholarly articles for me.  I love that.

I believe that we all have an inner voice or gut instinct that we need to listen to closely.  Your oncologist sounds like a whacko, but only you can answer the important question: is she the right oncologist for you?

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2052
Joined: Oct 2008

My first onco was incredibly lacking in bedside manner,  I refered to him as "Dr Charisma Bypass".   When I had my initial meeting with him hr told me 3 things....You will lose your hair - get a wig.  "You will have chemo for 7 months".... and the worst of it was........ "You will have to see me every 3 weeks"  Whoopdeedoo.      Is this what happens when cousins breed?

 

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4017
Joined: Oct 2009

OK Tasha, you are seriously going to make me wet my pants.  I think we need to copy your oncology personality disorder (is that a new medical term?) posts and send them to ASCO.  Laughing

Rague
Posts: 3384
Joined: Aug 2009

Who or what is a "Joyce Grenfell"?  I honestly have never heard that name!

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2052
Joined: Oct 2008

Joyce Grenfell was the architypal school teacher,,, Pls Google her, she was SCARY too!

 

ladyg's picture
ladyg
Posts: 1577
Joined: Apr 2010

I think if I felt that way about any of my drs. I would be looking for a new one. Are there any others you can go to?

Hugs,

Georgia

lyndy5649's picture
lyndy5649
Posts: 4
Joined: Dec 2013

Well, if I were you I'd be looking for a new doctor! Cancer is scary enough without your oncol. making it worse, whether or not she's good at what she does. I really think you'd feel better if you looked for someone else; records are easily transferred. My first oncol. made me feel I was just another statistic and after 8 years, he still didn't know my name! This was a small Internal Medicine facility, too. I transferred to a much larger Cancer Center and couldn't believe how much better I was treated! The ultimate decision is up to you, of course, and who/what is available to you. Good luck!Laughing

Maybel1980
Posts: 5
Joined: Dec 2013

Hey,

You are the patient. Choose your doctors, do the research and manage your medical records-it's in your hands.

I do a lot of research (this site, healthtap, WebMD... whatever works for you), and use a great ipad app called Hello Doctor yo manage my medical records http://goo.gl/FKn9jQ

Try to do that - you will feel better and will never be scared of your doctor :)

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3544
Joined: Dec 2008

I googled Joyce Grenfell and found an actress who did monologues.  She was British and I listened to one of her monologues where she is a nursery school teacher at the end of the day.  So maybe I have the wrong person.  She was very funny and I loved when she reacts to one of the children sticking a blue paint brush in another child's ear; Dolores you weren't hurt just surprised.  Although I can see if you are comparing your oncologist to her in the this routine that your oncologist would be a little scary.  Do you think she will mellow over time or would that be a worse scenario?   Perhaps it would be good to try someone else.  You certainly don't need another Charisma Bypass or worse his mutated offspring.   It couldn't hurt to try someone else.   Comfort with your providers is so important so don't stay with the amped up primary school teacher if she scares you.  That is definitely not the relationship you wnat with your doctor.  Fear is not our goal.

Stef

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8499
Joined: Aug 2009

Cancer is scary shitttt .. Our medical providers are on medical levels many of us do not understand - bedside manners, or communication skills for these highly trained and educated professionals may not be to our perference.  However, we want and Need the BEST of the BEST... so we must also deal with personalities.

I laughed and cried over Tasha's post because she was just being honest - and I could see myself in a similiar situation.  H--umor is the best medicine in my CASE.

Tasha --  I love you humor, it keeps me laughing all day.

 

Vicki Sam

 

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