Dec 11, 2013 - 12:46 pm
So I'm working through the anxiety and depression, and, although sometimes I'm in a tough place, I know it's because I'm transitioning from being/feeling poorly to being/feeling well, and that brings its own anxieties. As does Christmas but pass on.....
My kid brother (aged 53) has always been a bit gloom-prone. I'd have called him depressive but he insists he's not as bad as I have been. He's self-employed, though often that is self-unemployed. He has a permanent partner, and they've worked hard to stay together. Earlier this year he had surgery to cure a brain-fluid leak, which it did. He's had financial help from our mother, who now cannot afford more as she's in a state-funded nursing home. It's a nice home, she's very grateful the state funds it but it leaves her with little income, and none to spare. He's had financial help from our brother, who's on a much higher wage than me, and is very kind. He's had occasional spot-help from me, as and when I can.
Last weekend he texted that his housing benefit had been stopped and he couldn't pay the rent. So I BACSed him $500. I did know it would probably be the last I see of it but he promised to repay me in the new year, which would be good. This evening, he's texted me to say the landlord's given him 2 months' notice to quit, and they have to find a new house and a bond and a first month's rent. Gloom, gloom.
I know it's bad for him, I do, I'm not that selfish; but when I started the relapse that I'm coming out of, I rang and begged him even just to text me "How are you?" once a day, just so I didn't feel forgotten. He managed about a week, and is back to just texting when he's got a problem. I've been texting him the past few weeks to ask how he is, and sometimes, usually he replies and remembers to ask me. Earlier in this depression, he's told me he can't talk to me on the phone because he's too low himself.
So, I'm feeling sorry for him but needing to protect myself from being brought down lower. I need to find the self-worth to tell him that, at the moment, I haven't got the energy to support him. I need to find the words to say that, does anyone have any ideas?
Hope I don't sound too selfish.....