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Pink Ribbon Issue

Milu Clavijo
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2013

My mom died 7 years ago as a victim of a very aggressive and destructive breast cancer. And when I mention destructive I want to point that out, because that thing destroyed my whole family and heart. When I think about mom's death, I just wouldn't like to remember or even think about that. The worst part of loosing a person, is loosing that person in front of you. And even worst is that the brain is, I think, the worst part of our body, cause when I try to remember her, I just can remember my last 10 min with her, trying to keep her alive. People just say: "Move on" but there's no way to move on, when you have to think about it for the rest of your life. It is not like switch on - switch off. There's no way to move on, when you have to see your dad's daily cry, when your graduation's day you know that She would be proud of this goal. When in your 18th Bday, you know that She will be the first trying to plan your party. When you would pay to be with Her your wedding day or when you get pregnant or when you get your children. I know that people say that She is with me at each every moment, but I just want to be physically with her. And now, I'm trying to do my best going through this month, "Breast Cancer Awareness Month" which I basically love and support. But with my "Wedding Coordinator" job, I just want to run and hike. Because there's no way to move on when I have to stand and watch the brides dancing, sharing and crying the most happiest day of their life with their moms and I just have to settle myself with my PINK RIBBON. Its not fair and I just don't need to move on! I SURVIVED this lost and I've been surviving through this 7 years being the wife on my father, the mother of my brother, the daughter of my grandparents, the sister of my uncle and aunts, and my selfsupport. But I refuse to move on to the lost of my mom! I won't ever, EVER in this life want to forget or stop missing her.

sandra4611's picture
sandra4611
Posts: 121
Joined: Sep 2013

You are right. You should NEVER forget her and your won't. Some people probably tell you 7 years is enough and it's time to move on. Bull. My mother has been gone 5 years and I still find myself picking up the phone to call her. I lost my dad when he was only 45 (he was a cop and it was in the line of duty.) My brother died from undiagnosed heart disease at 31 and my uncle was accidently killed in the war by friendly forces! Unfair! Horrible! Families are torn apart over and over again. Yet this is what happens in life. We have to figure out a way to live with the sorrow or we have to find a therapist who can help us figure it out. Our loved ones would NEVER want us to live in pain and sorrow.

Do you have a counselor who can help you?   

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2299
Joined: Jun 2010

and as Sandra says, our loved ones would never want us to live in pain and sorry. 

It sounds like your mom was young when she died.  So was mine.  I was 15.  She was 42.  I'm now 66 and can still be brought to my knees with grief.  But I try to remember the good things we had, and I have had a really good life in spite of losing her.  My mom had declined for 10 years.  She died from multiple sclerosis.  I really don't remember her as a well person, but I remember many many times when her being sick was just sort of part of life for me.  Pictures where she's hidden her cane behind her for the photograph, how she enjoyed water therapy, how much my dad loved her and how devoted to her was.  These are the kinds of memories that helped make you the young woman you are today and what an honor to her memory that you thrive from her nuturing and the lessons she taught you. 

Grief is different for everyone, but for everyone it hurts.  When grief gets in the way of your enjoyment after a long time, it is time to get some professional help with coping.  Doesn't mean you want to forget her.  Not at all.  It means you want to focus more on the memories that bring you joy.  And darlin', I'm here to tell you, even 51 years later, I miss my mom and I miss what I missed with her not in my life.  I believe it's really ok to be angry and sad about not having her here to share your milestones, and I'm sure good ol' Pink October really brings all of those emotions up for you. 

Grief counseling is a safe place for you to get the support you may need.  Your friends are young and busy with their own lives and most of them really don't understand and/or don't want to take the time to hear about it.  Please find a safe and understanding place to help you if you feel the grief is getting in the way of you living your life. 

Hugs,

Suzanne

 

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5385
Joined: Oct 2010

I don't call it moving on...I lost my dad when I was  19 and my mom just 7 yrs ago...I Miss them daily but they would want me to be happy. I JUST try to remember all the great times we  had. (people told me I was too young to lose my dad-to me I had a great dad for a short 19 yr vs kind of good or even a bad dad for a llife time)

I talk of both my parents often-but more of the fun times, vacations, holidays...in fun way not to make me sad.

MY mom died a slow death (NOT cancer) she was in the hosptial the last 3 mths-I went daily 2 x min each day. We all handle grief in our own way-do what works for you.

I had a great man in my life give me away at my wedding-sad yes but next best thing. I tell my grown girls life is not fair-just make the best of what  you have handed to you..

 

thinking of you..hugs heading your way

Denise

 

 

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