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fighting alone

kenroeshouse
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2013

Hello everyone, this is my first time on here and i look forward to any support and suggestions that you may have. For starters let me let you no that it is my wife who has cancer not I. I come on here trying to figure out were to go from everything that we have tryed.  If you have noticed the title it says fighting alone, when I say that I mean just me and her. I no its no one elses problem but ours but I thought maybe family and friends would show some kind of support. Not that I ever expected it, I just thought eventually someone would call, visit, send a card or do something but nota, nothing, zilch. In a way it has been ok because since we been together that is the way it has always been 10 years and counting.  Now let me get to my wife. It all started in july when she found a lump on her breast. We went and got it checked and sure enough it was breast cancer.  The doctors told her that a double mastectomy was for the best, so we agreed and had it done. The next step was to see if cancer has spread and it has to her back, hip, and rib. Devastating news for us. So far much hasn't been done but the doctors are either considering surgery, chemo, radiation, or all 3.  Right now we are willing to do whatever the doctors suggest as long as it helps with her pain. That's preety much the jift of it and my only problem is I can't stand seeing my wife suffer. I believe that things would be a little easier if we had the support and income to fight. Things aren't easy especially when were on a fixed income and we have no one for any kind of support and I mean none. In stead family would rather start fighting and arguements like if she never had cancer. They even started with her by calling us a liar and saying she doesn't have cancer until they realized she had surgery. I'm just saying its just not right, she deserves better and its heart breaking to watch her suffer and no one cares accept me. To make things harder she has an autistic daughter that she has to raise in the mean time. Things just haven't been easy and im stuck and don't no how to make it easier for us, especially her. Again I'm sorry for my out poor but any suggestions would be a blessing cause I have tryed giveforward .com facebook and some other things and nothing seems to work. 

 Thank you for listening

Walter family

eihtak
Posts: 887
Joined: Oct 2011

First let me say welcome, and I am sorry you have the need to be here but glad you have found this site.  I don't post often but am also on the anal cancer forum and find myself there quite a bit. The people here offer a world of support, suggestions, and will make you feel as though you are never alone anymore. I sort of lurk in the shadow and read a lot, then every so often have something to say. 

I was first diagnosed with stage3 anal cancer 2.5yrs ago, fortunately I did have a great deal of help and support, but anal cancer is seldom talked about and way too many people still find the subject taboo.  Thank God for the ac forum to help me through that horrific treatment.

Then, about 1yr later I was diagnosed with a rare breast cancer and treatment was a mastectomy....I had a double. It seemed after everyone rallying around for the first cancer, they were somewhat rallied out for this. I did initially post here more often and it made me feel so much better to know someone was there 24/7 whether to answer a question or just talk. I was directed by a member here to another site (breastcancer.org) that has a link for rare cancers.

Has your wife healed well from her surgery? Many people here have experience with breast cancer that has spread and I know that they will chime in.

Being the caregiver for another person can be a lonely place also. I have been in that spot too. Keep in mind the need to care for yourself by taking short breaks to do something you like that doesn't involve cancer if thats at all possible. You are no good to her if you are not well yourself.

Have you contacted the ACS in your area for resources that may be of help?

I wll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers that you get the support you need, and know that you are not in this alone.

RozHopkins
Posts: 477
Joined: Dec 2010

Seems your wife has one heck of a caring husband.  Perhaps you could ask your wife's Cancer Nurse of any organizations to connect to and perhaps some volunteer help in the home.  Perhaps some one local who has been through this, a couple maybe to connect with and share your feelings as you both sound like you could do with friendship.  I am sure others here will pass some sites to connect to. Tell us if you are successful.

gagee
Posts: 327
Joined: Sep 2010

When I found out I had breast cancer and it was small (Thanking God). But my 2 daughters never did a thing to show any support. My husband and I fought it all on our own. We have been together 48 years. Moved from Mich to Calif and no family. So has been just the two of us . But to not have any thing from ur kids is terrible.   Not even when times got so bad and my husband could hardly take care of me.  He has a very extreme bad back. So I know how you feel .  Give her lots of love, do what you have to and God will help you the rest of the way.  Hope I am not pushing God on you. I don't know what else to say. I know how I felt knowing my husband was there with me and for me through it all. That was Aug.2010.  I pray every day for all cancer to be gone and no one else will have to suffer. This has been a great place to visit. I don't come on often to talk but I come on and read to see how everyone is holding on.  

Tomorrow at church I will light a candle for your wife.

Our prayers are with you both. 

Diana

Cricket64
Posts: 63
Joined: Sep 2013

I can't imagine the situation you and your wife are in.  BUT, we have to believe that there are more caring people out there, than not.  I am greatful to my medical support team, who suggested more coping methods, than I could ever access.  Have you checked with your wife's medical team?  Perhaps, there is a cancer social worker, who can help you at least vent, and hopefully line up some support system.  Prayers for a better tomorrow...

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5520
Joined: Oct 2010

Walter:

Welcome=thinking of your family.

 

Denise

sandra4611's picture
sandra4611
Posts: 121
Joined: Sep 2013

Walter,

You are going to need as much support as you can get in order to help her. There are caregivers support groups in many, many cities and resources online as well. I know men don't like to do things like that, but in this case it's not like refusing to pull over and ask directions when you are lost while driving. You DO feel lost this time. You DO need help. Please reach out to one of the groups. Your local American Cancer Society office can help you. Call them.

p.s. Screw the stupid relatives. You don't really need them. You have each other. Information, support, and experience will help you to be able to ignore them and concentrate on what is important. Good Luck

Nina B's picture
Nina B
Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2012

Sounds like you and your wife may have always been the ones to be the "givers" in your family and now your stuck with a bunch of "takers".  Unfortunately, no matter how much you wish people would change their behavior it's probably not going to happen.  Better off to look outside your family members for support that's available in your area.  Hope you are able to find some help. 

weazer's picture
weazer
Posts: 440
Joined: Mar 2010

You have come to the right place.....alot of support here.

Keep us updated and there are people that will give you heads up on getting help.

Prayers coming your way

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