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My mom has passed-Thanks to new & old friend from this board

Heeran's picture
Heeran
Posts: 173
Joined: Aug 2011

Dear old and new friends, my mother passed away a couple weeks ago from Squamous Cell EC.  She courageously fought for 2 years and the cancer stayed stable for a while w/ continuous chemo, but things went downhill in July.  We completed hospice at her house for 2 months. She was a fighter and the most important person in my universe.  As I'm sitting here 2 weeks later, I'm struggling to accomplish something (ANYTHING) for the day so today I'm accomplishing coming back to this board to thank the old and new friends who have helped me get through the last 2 years as a caretaker.

This board provided support from day 1 when I was scared, shared the ups when scans got back clean, empathized when the scans came back bad, and provided so much of emotional support everywhere in between.  Thank you.  

This is my first personal loss since I was a kid so I'm struggling right now.  Sometimes I think I'm going crazy wondering if I'm normal.  My heart weighs heavy, and wonder if the pain will go away.  Things seem weird.  I have read countless posts w/ similar stories of the grieving, but it's still unbelieveably difficult.  I have shared emotions and info on this board that I haven't even told my friends.  Thank you everyone for being my support network. 

Thanks once again to the friends/strangers (new, old, and deceased).

Heeran

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1106
Joined: Apr 2010

Heeran,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I could tell from your posts that your mother was a wonderful person who was always concerned about her family. I know her final days were difficult for both her and you. She is now beyond the suffering of cancer. She was fortunate to have a loving daughter who was there for her through all of her difficulties.

With my deepest condolences and wishes for peace and comfort for you and your family,

Paul Adams

McCormick, South Carolina
DX 10/2009 T2N1M0  Stage IIB - Ivor Lewis Surgery  12/3/2009 - Post Surgery Chemotherapy 2/2009 – 6/2009
Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU - Three Year Survivor

 

dfd24
Posts: 79
Joined: Mar 2011

I am very sorry for your loss and your pain. All my condolences. 

danièle

Ladylacy
Posts: 471
Joined: Apr 2012

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family on the passing of your mother.  

 

Sharon

JKGulliver
Posts: 82
Joined: Apr 2013

The depth of your sorrow is a reflection of how much you loved your mother.  This showed in the intensive hospice care you gave her in the final two months of her life.  Your mother knew and felt this love, also.  I am sure your honesty, in her final hours, were a comfort to her, even though she did not want to leave you.  The Kafkaesque feelings you have may be in response to the loss you have suffered.  Perhaps your inertia is a way to protect and preserve yourself while you integrate this loss into your vision of the future.  I have felt this way, also.  It is a strange thing to watch yourself lead a life that seems unreal.  

Your many posts have been a comfort to others on this Board, also.  We all mourn for your loss, too.  

callerid
Posts: 99
Joined: Dec 2012

Heeran

So sorry for your loss. It was always evident how much she meant to you.

ebawa
Posts: 37
Joined: May 2012

Hello Heeran,

I am sorry to hear of you loss.  I know you cared very much for your mother and she was lucky to have such a loving caring daughter.

I lost my mother and only sister within two weeks of each other so I know how hard loss is.  I suggest you take it one day at a time and remember the wonderful memories.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,

Alan

LauraandLarry's picture
LauraandLarry
Posts: 184
Joined: Sep 2012

So very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to breast cancer years ago. I though I would never recover. I still miss her so much. I dont want to say that you get used to it, only that it gets easier as time goes on. You and your family are in our prayers.

Dad'sfight
Posts: 155
Joined: Feb 2013

I'm very sorry for your loss, my father is battling this terrible disease and I followed your stories for awhile now, hoping chemo will give my dad some extra time. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

birdiequeen's picture
birdiequeen
Posts: 329
Joined: Mar 2011

I find myself without words. I have read your post for the past two years and know just how close you and your mom are. Though it must feel painful not to have her physically with you, she is with you and always will be. We should thank you for being so open and helping so many on this site.  It is members like you that make the board what it is.  Thank you.

ceb1's picture
ceb1
Posts: 7
Joined: Jun 2013

Heeran,

I am sorry for your loss. I have read your posts and wanted to tell you while you were carrying for your mother of how lucky she was to have you and that you were doing everything right even when you doubted yourself. You were there with her and that is the most important thing. You gave her comfort so you should feel that you did everything you could. Please be kind to yourself and even though it is hard and you are naturally grieving, try to do some things for you.

Take care,

Christine

TerryV's picture
TerryV
Posts: 915
Joined: Jul 2011

My heart breaks for you.  I understand the pain that you are facing now.  Time doesn't heal, but it will soften the jagged edges of your heartache.

 

Please know that you did everything a loving daughter could do to care for her mom.  You were by her side and loving her with all you had.  Virtual hugs to you, Heeran!  May your memories of your mom keep you smiling.

 

Terry

Ucsf_smile's picture
Ucsf_smile
Posts: 81
Joined: Sep 2011

Dear Heeran,

i've been thinking about you this entire time and checked back for updates. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know our moms were diagnosed around the same time and when my mom passed away 1 year after diagnosis I was really rooting for you and your mom. I'm so sorry and I know how you feel. Over 15 months after her death I still miss and think about my mom everyday. let me know if you need anything at all. 

 

I kept playing her last hours and minutes over and over in my head for months. It was agonizing but maybe we are meant to remember these momens forever. Best to you and hugs. 

GerryS's picture
GerryS
Posts: 238
Joined: Aug 2010

My prayers are with you.    Gerry

 

mardigras's picture
mardigras
Posts: 196
Joined: Sep 2011

I have followed your posts Heeran since  you first appeared on these boards. I have prayed for you and now I share your tears.

You have been such a wonderful support for your Mum and I know how bravely you have both battled on throughout the last two years. I too lost my precious Mum eighteen months ago and I have shared your grief and feelings of being totally overwhelmed.

 

There are days now, when I can remember Mum in happier times and the sadness has lessened just a little. I pray that a sense of peace will surround you and your family and you will feel that all the pain your Mum suffered has finally ended and be glad for that at least.  

It's time to look after yourself now Heeran, in the certain knowledge that your Mum would want you to.

Thank you for taking the time to post here again, and I wish you all the best.

Hugs and prayers,

Marci xx

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