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worst wedding day

theocean
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2013

I lost my fiancé Sunday September 1, the day before our wedding day. On the Wednesday I was advised to start my leave for 6 weeks to take care of him. Due to a recent hospital stay we had postponed our wedding from the beginning of August to September since he went into the hospital the day before we went to get our marriage license and we needed to wait for him to be more mobile to get it. My fiancé had been diagnosed with cancer years before we met but was in remission when we met and started dating. Shortly after, we were informed  the cancer had spread to his lungs. He had surgery but it was unsuccessful. In February we had the best trip of our lives and decided to move in together. In June, a week before we were going on another trip he started falling.  We learned he did have 3 brain tumors and 10 minor lesions. He did some radiation quickly and we still went on the trip...so glad we did, while on the trip we decided to get married. When we got back he went into more radiation, while it had improved his lung it didn't help his brain. He got fitted for a mask and was waiting to start concentrated treatment on his head, and he bought me an engagement ring, things were looking up. We picked up our wedding bands and we're planning to get our marriage license on the Monday. Unfortunately Sunday he experienced pain for the first time, after an ambulance ride and hours of doctors being confused they found a fracture in his spine and a tumor pushing on it. He ended up in the hospital for a month, first treatment on his back and then his head. Once they finally managed his pain and he was walking around they let him come home.  On the way out we were told the cancer spread to his liver during the month and the tumor was now around his spine and would break it. He came home though and I was taking care of him. After he was home one week and the place was set up and he was feeling good we got our marriage license, that meant one week till the wedding. Then he fell, we was walking fine and hit the ground but he could still walk with my help. We changed to wedding venue to our house since we knew he wouldn't be able to walk by by the wedding and his nurse ordered a wheel chair for the wedding. Wednesday we had his nurse and doctor came by he told them how much he wished they would tell him how long he has. They told him  I should take my 6 weeks from work now and just move forward with the wedding Monday. Thursday when I woke up he was out of it, his breathing was bad and he wasn't alert. By dinner he wouldn't wake up, eventually he expressed his pain, wet himself and his spine burst. I I called his family. Friday morning we put him in the hospice. By Friday morning he was no longer talking. Sunday afternoon he passed away in my arms at the age of 33. I'm only 29. On what should have been hour wedding day I sat at the funeral home making plans to cremate him. I wish we would have had our wedding Tuesday when he was alert, I now have to live with our missed opportunity.  I love him so much. 

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry for your loss and it is as great a loss whether you are married or not. He was the most important person in your life. My husband and I were married on Sept. 2, 1967. On Sept. 2, 2003 he had his first cancer surgery and we learned that he had stage 4 colon cancer which we were told would be "life shortening." The doctor's words, not mine. He went through several surgeries, chemo and radiation. I believe that those treatments helped him beat the average survival rate of 22 months for his dx. He lived for 6 years. I can tell you, though, that it is never long enough when you lose a loved one.  Also, please don't allow anyone to second quess you and your fiancé's decisions concerning treatment. It is not helpful. You did what you felt was best at the time, and it probably was. I would encourage you to share your story on the Grief and Bereavement board here. It gets more traffic than this one. You will see that you are not alone. Many of us here have experienced great loss. We each have a different story. Yet we  share many of the same feelings and experiences. We will hold you in our thoughts and offer support in your grief. Take care of yourself now. Take time to grieve, and grieve in your own time and way. Fay

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