Aug 26, 2013 - 1:39 am
I am new to this Discussion Board and I have never been on one before. I really do not know what to do, as my husband is refusing to go for treatment for his CLL. We found out that he has this the day after coming home for vacation. His WBC count is 80,000, lymph nodes are all swollen, lost 81 lbs since this February, very tired, swollen spleen and other things. I am devastated for him. We have been friends since we met in highschool at age 15. We are going to celebrate our 16th anniversary next month and we have 3 grown children.
My dilema is that I love him with all my heart and it's killing me to see him waste away. He is definitely a man who believes he should take care of his family and he can't. We are both 47 years old and he has been seriously ill since age 19. He has now decided that he will not go for treatment as the other illnesses will never be cured. He has lived in constant pain for many, many years. He got a staph infection that went to his bone, will never be cured. So he has been house-bound for the last 7 years. His life is sitting in the house due to the fact that his legs are so painful.
I get that he just doesn't want to fight anymore. But honestly, my heart doesn't get it! I go from being mad to crying to disbelief to...well all over the map. I need help because I feel like I am going crazy.
I try not to live in sadness all the time because I don't want to make it harder for him.
I mean, it may be hard for me to watch him but I know it's much harder to be him.
Can anyone just let me know if I am wrong or crazy or whatever?
All I know is that I love him and I want to do the best for him. Thanks for listening