CSN Login
Members Online: 18

Somebody grab my feet and

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

pull me back down to earth!!!  My nerves about the upcoming scan are about to send me into orbit. 

I cannot believe how strong my sub-concious is when it starts handing out symptoms.  So far, I've had on and off ear aches, a sore throat....equilibruim problems....a headache that lasted for 5 days.....a jaw that is getting little cramps in it...little pains in my chest...oh...and my right ear keeps getting plugged up....and on and on it goes.  Can you believe this crap...and it all started about a week ago.  I have one or two calm days, then whamo....I wake up just KNOWING Jack is back. 

I go to the ENT tomorrow morning....and I'm hoping he'll say "all clear"....hopefully that will settle me down a little...until I can get righteous with Mr. NED.  I have blood work and a flush on Tues.....and the CT scan on Weds., so I won't hear diddly squat till at least Thrusday. 

T....I promise the minute I get good news, I'll quit being a neurotic soul.....until then, grab my boots and hold on!! Laughing  I really am scared this time....

p

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2366
Joined: Jan 2010

p, i'm sorry u r so worried.  i'm pulling you back to earth and tucking YOU in my pockect for security!!  i hope your anxiety will settle down soon.  anxiety is just one more side effect of having cancer that we must deal with.  go for a ride on your beautiful horse and enjoy b'n outside.  try to stay busy to give your mind less time to worry.  hang in there, p, it will be here b4 you know it and u'll b dancing w/mr. NED!!!

dj

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1113
Joined: Jan 2013

P,

I know you know it's anxiety. Your jaw hurts because you've probably been clenching it... Headaches because you're clenching your jaw and the muscles in your head and neck are tense...ear keeps getting clogged because you're probably constricting your eustachian tube by clenching your jaw ...sore throat because you're probably hyperventilating a bit and breathing more through your mouth making your throat dry... Little pains in your chest because everything else is tense...equilibrium is off because you probably have not been getting enough to eat or sleeping well and you're exhausted... Am I close? ;)

When your ENT scopes you and says everything looks good, you'll definitely feel much better I assure you! Even though you obviously recognize what's going on, sometimes it's hard to rationalize what's taking place and calm down. Your mind wants to but your body is reacting to the stress and releasing all sorts of chemicals into your blood stream. All those symptoms just started in the last week? You know Jack doesn't work like that. He's much more deliberate in his actions.

So... catch!... here's a rope.... tie it around your ankles and I'll tie the other end to this rock I'm hanging out on. Your neurotic soul is not going anywhere! 

Positive thoughts and prayers

"T"

 

 

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2909
Joined: May 2012

Phrannie,

Doctor T has spoken and I am going to him from now on.

I am going to keep you on my back porch for safe keeping.  You see we are having the inside of our house worked on and the porch is where all our clothes are (pockets).

Take a hint from Lola and learn to relax, maybe try that lying in the chair upside down thing she does.

Every time I massage my neck it makes me think “I hope I don’t feel anything”, but thinking it is different from having it.

Peace,

Matt

cricketskid's picture
cricketskid
Posts: 25
Joined: Sep 2012

You are powerfull You are wonderful. As you face the next few days remember all you have been through and how tough you are. NED is waiting to see you, so get happy.

The weather is great here, so get out on that pretty mare and show her how a CHAMPION rides.

Sending my best to you.

 

 

luv4lacrosse's picture
luv4lacrosse
Posts: 1385
Joined: Jul 2010

P. I know good news will be had. I look forward to reading NED this week.

Best

Mike

donfoo's picture
donfoo
Posts: 1193
Joined: Dec 2012

P,

Remember, I will be in the next room, maybe some distance apart but doing the exact same thing at the same time! Peek thru the sheets, see that cool cucumber; that's me. WinkHang tough. I'll give you a call after we are done! don

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1888
Joined: Jun 2012

Have good feelings for you both...prayers too!

Candi 

KTeacher
Posts: 911
Joined: Jan 2011

I wish there was an OTC anxiety drug for us.  We would only need it a few times a year!  Holding on but those cowboy boots. . .!  I agree with Matt, take a hint from Lola about relaxing:)

denistd's picture
denistd
Posts: 490
Joined: Apr 2009

I am with you too. My scan comes up on 3rd of September (for lung nodule) this anxiety sucks to the heavens.

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8062
Joined: Sep 2009

I'm sure you're gonna be good to go P...

It gets next to you sometime..., smack it down

Thoughts & Prayers,

John

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

I logic'd and rationalized every symptom....and like you said, T....every one can be followed back to ongoing tension, and boy am I tense!!!....and lest us not forget the gift that keeps on giving, which can also account for some pains in the neck....I'll see my ENT tomorrow for the monthly checkup, and when he gives me the "a-ok", I'll smooth out a little for the scan on Weds.  I did go out and ride with hubby tonight....we didn't go far...but it's always good for humans and horses alike.  Came in the door a giant wind storm hit.....we never even saw it coming....so glad we weren't on top of horses when it hit....had to be 60 mph gusts. 

Denis, Don, Cricket....I'm keeping you all tucked, too.....we'll all hold hands like scared kids at the Saturday mantinee.

Matt...as usual, you always make me laugh. 

Noellesmom
Posts: 1294
Joined: Aug 2010

Well, I haven't had cancer and with a husband who has had multiple recurrences now, I absolutely understand your worries but when I started reading your symptoms my first thought was that other than the chest pains (anxiety, maybe?)when my allergies are at their worst they sound just like what you describe.

Hoping your ENT sends you home with a big dose of allergy medication  :)

Let us hear from you!

Laralyn's picture
Laralyn
Posts: 437
Joined: Apr 2012

Not that you need luck, because I'm sure it will all be fine. :-)

I know how hard it can be to occupy your mind while you're waiting. Sounds like the perfect time to focus on the horses! How did it go at the ENT?

sin9775's picture
sin9775
Posts: 196
Joined: May 2013

I just came on for the first time today and I find one of my favorite cheerleaders needing a little pep talk!  Everyone here has given you the best ever advice.  Please know that I will pray for an all clear for you along with peace, peace, peace. 

Please don't be scared, Phrannie.  Sending hugs.

~S~

 

katenorwood
Posts: 1820
Joined: May 2012

At least you know the drill.  NED will greet you and other's here with open arms !  Will be thinking of you all this week !  Hugs sent !  Katie

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 432
Joined: Feb 2013

Phrannie,

hang in there girl, IT WILL BE NED AGAIN!  This is actually worse sometimes then when we all had jack, these darn follow ups interfere with our quality of life, as time goes they get further apart, just relax, trust in your Faith, and know we are all hanging on to your boots!

 

love ya,

Rachel

TracyLynn72's picture
TracyLynn72
Posts: 677
Joined: May 2013

You got this!!!  Praying for comfort and peace and ONLY good news!!!  <3

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 811
Joined: Mar 2011

Phrannie

Wish I could send you some calm....the anxiety doesn't ever go away, you just have to get a grip on it.

So, take Matt's advice and "do a Lola".    Napping upside down on the couch will make the blood rush to your head and get rid of the headache, unclog your ears and help your sore throat go away.

Seriously tho, sending you good vibes for a great ENT appt and scan.

You've GOT THIS....just waiting for Ned now.

 

 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

everything looks great!! Smile then.... I told him I loved him....LOL (I really did tell him that).  I am so glad the timing of these two appointments came the way they did...with seeing the ENT before the scan....getting a little relief is going to help.

So I'll come down the wall a bit, and won't have a nervous breakdown waiting on Wed's scan.  At least I can relax about another dose of NPC....I hate to wish my life away, but damn....I can hardly wait till Friday.  I don't get how a normally sane person...well reasonably sane person...can turn into such a freak overnight....

p

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8062
Joined: Sep 2009

Wishing you the very best abi-normal few days you can humanly have....

JG

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2366
Joined: Jan 2010

p, thats FANTASTIC!!!!  so take some deep breaths, in thru the nose, out thru the mouth (or something like that...lol) and calm down.  friday w/b here b4 u know it.  take your horse out for a trot to celebrate.  Cool  seriously, i hope you r able to calm down a little.  being that anxious can wear u down.  give us another pic of u w/your horse.  hey, what happened w/pic from your short get away?  did u post them and i missed them or have you not posted?  that w/give u something to do to occupy your mind.  take care, p, u r n my prayers.

dj

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

on the California trip.  This is just the four of us on our way down  the coast to Carmel to meet the 5th girl who lives there....That's San Fransico in the background....

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2366
Joined: Jan 2010

P, awesome pic!!!  u look wonderful.  i'm glad ur anxiety has calmed down.  now enjoy the evening.

dj

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8062
Joined: Sep 2009

That kinda looks like Sausalito...

JG

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1113
Joined: Jan 2013

I can say... "See...Told ya so!" Great News ... NED is waiting for ya!  ;)~

"T"

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

....and I'm feeling ever so much better at this particular moment than I have for the last 2 weeks....LOL.....don't even have the headache.....Laughing

p

 

sin9775's picture
sin9775
Posts: 196
Joined: May 2013

Praise God!  I am so happy for you, dear Phrannie.

~S~

TracyLynn72's picture
TracyLynn72
Posts: 677
Joined: May 2013

I'm so happy for you!!!!!  I hug my surgeon everytime I see him :)

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 432
Joined: Feb 2013

SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! Peace is once again yours, wed. Results will be the samr!  God is Good!

rachel

Duggie88's picture
Duggie88
Posts: 535
Joined: Feb 2010

P

That is great news. We do tend to worry because alot of times our battle is still fresh in our minds. Enjoy the rest of the day.

      Jeff

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2909
Joined: May 2012

Phrannie,

I just finished doing a “Lola” and I feel great.

Glad that the appt went well.

Abi-normal fan,

Matt

alligatorpointer's picture
alligatorpointer
Posts: 131
Joined: Jul 2012

Phrannie,  stress can be an ornery companion.  I got handed some 'surprise' symptoms of my own while I was trying to cope with being the caregiver for my son last year ... and I was not even the patient.  My gastro-intestinal system threw a hissy-fit and I was not able to eat much without left upper abdominal pain that progressed to major rejection of food at both ends of my digestive tract. What is interesting is that all my symptoms cleared up as soon as my son had his post-treatment PET-scan and was declared to be NED.  I continue to be symptom free and my son is, too.  The mind can play weird tricks on the body.  I wish there was some way to make anxiety stop messin' with you, P.  You are such a comfort to everyone on this board and have the softest pockets for others to hide in so I hope you can feel all the positive vibes everyone is sending back at you.  Please know that we will all breathe a collective sigh of relief when you start dancin' round your kitchen with NED again.  btw, that was an awesome pic you posted of yourself in the saddle of your new horse.  You look wonderfully healthy and beautiful!

boardwalkgirl
Posts: 263
Joined: Jun 2012

Phrannie, I will be praying for you this week. I know it is going to be NED! I have been having more muscle spasms in my neck the past month or so and I just had a clear scan in June.  I will continue to think positive. Glad the ENT had good things to say. I see a new ENT next month. I will probably get a little anxious before that. I don't really like new doctors but mine retired.:(

 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

for helping me get through this day.....I'll keep re-reading the posts if I turn into a puddle again before scan results come back. 

Matt did you do an authentic Lola?  Little paws in the air, with your legs splayed?  I did a quasi Lola today, myself....only I was holding my Kindle...ha!  Then I took a little advice from here and rode my new mare.  As soon as I figure out how to upload a little movie I'll show you guys what she looks like in action.....I think she's very pretty Laughing

Everybody here is the BEST!!  I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the last year and a half without you.

p

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 857
Joined: Aug 2012

Phrannie....Glad to hear your news from your ENT. Good thoughts for the scan....Laughing

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 811
Joined: Mar 2011

Phrannie

Had a note on my calendar that today was scan day.

You will do just fine.....and then like all of us, wonder what all the fuss was about.

So, sending good vibes.  just relax......just like Lola, but you should probably keep your legs together, LOL

 

 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

I won't splay my legs....I promise!

Getting ready in a few minutes to go face the day.....flip between positive and scared faster than Lola can run the field....and she's as fast as a Greyhound.  One thing about getting older.....the next two days will fly by if I'm having a good time or not!!

Thank you so much for the warm fuzzy before I leave.

p

josh r.
Posts: 186
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi P,

Like you and so many of our brothers and sisters I too can get "edgy" with certain changes in my body and feelings. A raspy voice, cough, as you say ear ache or lack of zip that wasn't there yesterday or is here today. If on a regular check up a doctor suggest another test I go into, "oh, not again" mentality. This particular "scare" has come up three times in the past 18 months and it takes its toll on ones pyche or atleast on mine.

Today I got an "all clear and go on and make long term plans" from my doctor after a number of test freed me of my latest scare. November 22nd will be my 22nd year of NED and I plan on celebrating it with my wonderful wife who has stuck by me through all this after having been  married only one year before my first treatment. How blessed can I be?

Scared? Yes, from time to time. Giving up? NEVER! All the best to all of us. josh r. 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

Amazing and inspiring!!  Thank you josh for posting....I'm sorry you still have moments of "uh oh...not again".....but on the other hand, it makes me feel that I'm not so irrational.

p

jcortney's picture
jcortney
Posts: 410
Joined: Sep 2012

Cute yes, irrational no.  How many people have you told about scanxiety?  How many times have you told ME not to worry and that all my symptoms all in my head.

Relax girl, you're doing great.

Joe

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

It's 10:40pm on Tuesday night (MST) and I saw your post.    For what it's worth I whispered a prayer that all is well on the scan tomorrow and Phrannie continues to enjoy her dance with Mr. NED!  :)

 

I totally understand the anxiety (and you know so many of us do) ....but we got your back....

 

I look forward to hearing your good news.  Miss you guys and wish to gosh mom would settle down and I could visit the site more often...

 

Best,

 

Tim

catluver96's picture
catluver96
Posts: 73
Joined: Jan 2013

Holding good thoughts for you! Smile

Laralyn's picture
Laralyn
Posts: 437
Joined: Apr 2012

Hoping you heard NED and thinking of you!

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1113
Joined: Jan 2013

Yeah... I realized there was something tucked in my pocket when I got dressed this morning. I was wondering too. What's the word tweety bird?

"T"

 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3673
Joined: Mar 2012

for asking....but it appears they've hung me out to dry for the long weekend.  I called on Thursday, but the scan wasn't in yet....no biggie, as it's taken two days in the past to get the word.  I called again yesterday, and even went up there....but no scan results to be had.  I was hot to trot ....grrrrrrrrrr.

Now that I'm not pissed anymore, I seem to have gotten calmer about the scan itself.  I know one thing, tho....forever more....all scans will be done on a Monday or Tues....never again on a Weds (or Thurs or Friday)....and never again before a long weekend. 

Keep me tucked, T....I'll be out of that pocket by Tues Smile....I have an appointment with the Onc at 2:15 (but I'm calling first to make sure the scan has come in or it will be a wasted appointment....)....maybe they might have to CALL and find out where it is?  Hmmmm....what a novel idea.

p

TracyLynn72's picture
TracyLynn72
Posts: 677
Joined: May 2013

to have YOU tucked in OUR pockets!!  I'm sorry that you're having to wait over the long weekend.  That should be illegal!!!!  If THEY were the ones having to wait, it'd be a different story!  ((HUGS)) and prayers until you get your results and I can't wait to read that you've met NED!  :)

nick770's picture
nick770
Posts: 195
Joined: May 2012

my thoughts and prayers are with you!!

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1888
Joined: Jun 2012

Plenty of good thoughts and prayers coming your way! 

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network