Aug 12, 2013 - 12:54 am
We received results of a cat scan a week 1/2 ago and it showed that tumor at surgical site got bigger and has spread to kidney and liver. Oncologyst wanted to switch to a different chemo drug and get a G-tube immediately but mom refused the G-tube. She was adament that no more doctors will poke, prod, slice, or put her to sleep. She had 5 dilitations and then a stent put in and had all sorts of trouble afterwards. Oncologyst and I begged her for an hour and then me the entire weekend and she wouldn't change her mind. I was heartbroken so we started hospice at home.
It's horrible to watch the person most dearest to me die in slow agony. Just last week she was able to drink and eat watermelon and porrige and a week later, the tumor closed everything up and she goes into massive coughing fits and throws up bubbles & saliva. Sometimes she can't breath while throwing up. She has horrible side effects from the meds that are supposed to keep her "comfortable". What a joke. She's miserable. I have the night-time shift so I watch her all night and most of it she's coughing or gagging. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare wondering why we didn't try this or try that or why the doctor didn't take a scan a week or two earlier and switch chemo drugs right away so that she wouldnt need the G-tube yet.
I feel so desperate and grieving as I'm about to lose the most important person in my life. I've never watched someone die before so I don't know how much scarier this is going to get. I pray every night that she dies peasefully in her sleep but then my whole family has to watch her coughing, throwing up, massive mucous coming out, and the hospice team/oncologyst are telling me this is the norm of EC during hospice.
For those of you who have gone through hospice as a caretaker, can you please share your stories so I know what will happen in the next few weeks? Doctor gave my mom 1 month to live since she is not getting nutition and 1 week has already gone by. I'm still giving her daily fluids and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be an advocate at this point. I'm scared I'm going to keep making mistakes and making her last few weeks more miserable.