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Is my grief normal?

Mandilou182
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2013

Last Saturday I received word that my mothers 11 year battle with non hodgkins lymphoma was coming to an end. The doctors estimate 2 weeks. Since the diagnosis I have been unable to keep food down, suffer extreme nauesa and experienice intense bouts of dry heaving. I am trembly and weak and have little to no appetite and of course, many tears. Has anyone experienced symptoms of grief similar to this? I want to avoid medicating myself so I may fully experiencto he grieving process and heal but also want to make sure I don't allow myself to physically deteriorate. The worst part of this is the enormous amount of guilt I'm experiencing in feeling that Im not strong enough to be there for her in the way she deserves. I want to stay overnight with her but im afraid her seeing me in this condition will make her fearful about leaving me. I don't want to cause her any additional emotion distress. Can anyone speak to this experience? 

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

All grief is normal, and we each must find our own way in our own time. Don't be afraid to see your family doctor for meds or a referral to a grief counselor. Sometimes people just need meds for a short time to help them learn how to deal. That's ok. making yourself sick isn't good for either you or your mother. It's really hard when we are losing someone we care about. We all need help at times. Recognizing that is a strength, not a weakness. You will still experience grief and you will still have to find ways to deal with it. Some on here have found meds very helpful. Others have turned to friends and family for support. Still others try meditation, prayer, or something else that has helped them through hard times in the past. Some try all of the above. Reach out to your dr, spiritual leader, counselor, or friend. You don't need to do this alone. Fay

Mandilou182
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2013

Thank you grandmafay for your kind words. You have no idea what they mean to me. I'm so unbearably sad. I'm only 26 although I'm am adult it just seems so soon. It's so hard. I do think I'm going to see a doctor, I've lost 8 lbs in the past three days and am so weak . I want to be strong enough to be by her side. I want her to know her babies will be ok in this world without her because I know how important that is to her. She is such a beautiful spirit. It is so difficult to watch her leave us slowly. Ive read other people's posts who said they felt like they were dying too and that's how I feel. But this community inspires me, to know I'm not alone is tremendouI and to read the bravery in posta from people even younger than me reassures me I will make it and makes me appreciate that I got to be with her for 26 years. I try to take comfort the fact that after so many years of struggle she will be at peace. I know that the searing pain is just a testament of the love we share. She is my friend, my cheerleader, my heart, my caretaker and it's just so hard to let her go. It seems like the pain will never stop.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm glad you are going to see the doctor. It is hard to watch our loved ones lose their battle with cancer.  I lost my husband of 42 years to cancer. Obviously, I am much older than you but I can assure you age doesn't really matter except that we have had more experience with loss. That doesn't make us experts on others' grief. That doesn't even make us experts on our own grief. We all seem to flounder our way through. I assured my husband that I was a strong, independent women and that I would be alright because like your mother, he was more concerned about me then he was about himself. Little by little I am becoming that strong, independent woman. You will, too. The love you and your mother share will never die. She is a part of you forever. You have the ability to make her passing more peaceful for her. You can do it, but you don't have to do it alone. Take care, Fay

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