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severe depression, chemo brain? and fears

CStar89
Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2013

Hi there,

I am looking for some help,

I had my last chemo on NYE 2012, and was in the mental ward for a nervous breakdown.

Since then my ex fiance dumped me and I'm struggling to accept it.

 

I get very frustrated because I can hardly read, I don't know what I like or dont like, shopping and making decisions.

Since leaving the mental ward, I've been put on Seroquel, Luvox and Ativan. I had a full nervous breakdown, my humour is now not the same and I HATE life.

Since my ex dumped me, there has not been a day where I have been happy to be alive, he was my happiness, we were supposed to get married and I was devastated when I had to cancel

my dress, the chapel, the photographer.

 

I don't find music relaxing and I can't listen to love music, which is 98% of the radio, really.

 

I am very scared of travelling, has anyone else had this problem?
I don't have many of my planning skills anymore, as my optimism isn't great.

I'm scared of different places and scared I'll start panicking again like I did when I had my breakdown (panic attacks were most severe during the night)

I work in IT and I find it very hard to read now, or relax, I feel like I should be doing something but because of my indecisiveness, I don't know what to do or where I want to go.

 

I avoid places that my ex and I used to go because of the memories.

I am currently going through psychotherapy, it's like my brain can't accept or process that my relationship failed and the other day I could hardly breathe.

He was my whole world and now he's gone, my independance, strength, self esteem and self love is so low.

 

Any advice would be nice, like actual stuff that helped you.

Thanks

Celina

Marynb
Posts: 1134
Joined: Aug 2012

Sorry you are so miserable. You are getting help, and it sounds like you should continue. Surviving cancer is going to take all the positive energy you can muster. Maybe your body is still healing. I can only suggest that every single day you find something to be grateful for and write it down in a journal. A sunny day, a walk in the rain, a beautiful flower, the sounds of the waves crashing on the shore, or the sight of a shooting star. This is a beautiful world, and there is so much to enjoy. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Try to be outdoors and breathe fresh air and sunshine for at least an hour a day. You do not mention God, so I assume you are not a believer? If you are, rekindle your relationship with your maker and pray for guidance. Relationships seldom last forever. You can love again, only if you allow yourself to live. You survived cancer for a reason; someday you will understand why. Happiness starts with a decision to live fully. Take one small step each day to find the things you enjoy again.

wyseguy
Posts: 2
Joined: Aug 2013

Hey Celina:

 

   I do not think I would be the best to discuss what you are going through. I am very depressed as well and we may end up leaping off a cliff together. I would propose the following, you are doing the right think with therapy and seeking help. I only now signed up today at this site as I am reaching my limit of being upset, sad, angry. Know what you are feeling, you are not alone. Also know you are smarter than those of us who do not reach out for help.

Viking51's picture
Viking51
Posts: 21
Joined: Sep 2013

Sorry but you are so wrong wyseguy. You need to express your feelings and ask for help. I have personally experienced my love of my life kill himself due to depression. it is soooo unhealthy. Do positive things for yourself. Get therapy, do oxygen therapy, do accupuncture, take natural meds for depression. Research online and i will help you personally. Im not a doctor but have been in healthcare for 17 years and can share my experiences and help you if you want

bluesmasterelf's picture
bluesmasterelf
Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 2013

I have had some longer reaching consequences of chemotherapy. Nothing that would register on this scale, but bothersome at least. What I have discovered is that most of the drugs that doctors can prescribe don't work very well. I have found some meager relief in exorbitant exercise. Exercise cures or relieves almost every human ailment. 

 

-Blues

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