Jul 30, 2013 - 2:50 pm
When my dad was dx with Stage 4 colon cancer back in January this site was my savior. I dont think i would have made it through if it werent for the knowledgable folks here that serve as inspiration and angels to me and my family. I come back because I am again lost for what to do...
My Dad was dx in January it came as a shock from an ER visit for pain in his stomach and unable to pass stools. Dad was released about 2 weeks later and began treatment within the month. He has been getting chemo and the bloodwork is showing he is making significant improvements. However, shortly after the placement of his port his body began to clot and he was admitted back to the ER in april. After a week of blood thinning meds he was sent home. Since then no major medical issues praise god. My father struggled with alcohol addiction and anger for years. My mother was Dx with PTSD and depression 12 or so years ago. Both issues complicated the marriage and my adolescent development but I dont even care about me right now. I know this isnt easy for anyone and I pray every night for god to let me handle this for them.
Dads dx back in January was simultaneous with his retirement so his life has changed drastically 2 fold. 1 adapting to retiring and being home 2 the cancer. He lost his sister to stage 4 breast cancer in November (she was 83) and his brother has skin cancer and is in FL. There is speculation my paternal grandmother had ovarian cancer but that was the 40s and we cant be certain.
I know this isnt easy. I know i do not understand. Cancer was always something that was never close to home for me it is an unfamiliar, or was an unfamiliar monster. Now its here and my world, our family is tearing apart. I live with my parents now. I do not plan on going anywhere but I think I may be loosing it.
My father seems to complain about everything and everwhere i turn he is there. I think he is bored but the complaining and the bickering between him and my mother make me sick to my stomach. 2 ppl who love each other should never speak as if they dont value their partners lives so when they come to me to vent i completely disagree with their actions. I feel its best for them to figure out a respectful way to deal with each other while i handle the bigger issues of insurance and follow up appointments and asking the right medical questions. But, Dad seems to be very angry lately if not with mom with me. Its almost dillusional as he interprets things i say in the worst way. Something as simple as a hello how are you feeling are you better than you felt earlier (after an angry morning)? Becomes me cornering him and somehow i am the enemy. I hate it because I feel like i am doing the right things and yet i am spoken to with such distain. I feel like i am supposed to be some ppl pleaser God forbid tomorrow isnt promised but I am human and have feelings too. I dont know what i am allowed to say or do anymore one day is good the next its aweful. Is this normal!? I am thinking about trauma and the little i know about it and i feel like anger is normal but who wants to live their lives angry? Its detrimental to his health.
Thank you and god bless.