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Absolutely cannot get positive about my St. 4 dx

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2051
Joined: Oct 2008

I just can't see past this.  So bloody depressed, Don't know how to wrap my head around it.... it is driving me nuts.  My onco was lovely but said "You know about the 2 year average?  I can;t make any guarantees'.  I know the traditional responses... It just sucks.   sorry to vent but it sucks.  T xx

New Flower
Posts: 4128
Joined: Aug 2009

Tasha,

 sorry it takes time to absorb and accept the stage IV situation. and it is true on avarage. Who is saying that you are an avarage? you can fight back and win. How is your arm? will you have any additional treatment?

Hugs to you

lintx's picture
lintx
Posts: 456
Joined: Sep 2012

 

The 2 yr average??  Can someone explain?  I just read your history, and it looks like you were NED for about 5 yrs and took tamoxifen after treatment.  I'm on it now and about to complete my 1st yr.  Last Dec when I had a GYN appt, the DR said she'd just follow my Onc's reports and wouldn't schedule another annual appt at that time.  It was  like she expected me to be gone by this Dec.  I've seen posts on here w/statistics that 70% never see bc again.  Where are they?  I'm sure you can't wrap your head around it and am sorry you have to even try.  I just hate coming to the board and seeing more bad news.  I'm glad you came to vent!  Hugs, Linda

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Many women come here diagnose with stage 0, 1, 2, 3 and 4.  Stages 0, 1,2,3 do the treatments, be it surgery, radiation and chemotherapy.  Once finish, some leave and we rarely hear from them again unless they have a recurrence.  

Some do stay and are here and not longer doing treatment.  Just look at the dates of when they joined.  We do have a whole group who joined in 2009 with have had only lumpectomies and radiation.  They are part of the 70% who may never have a recurrence.  CypressCynthia had her cancer return after 22 years of being NED.  There is just no way one will know if they will be part of the 30% club.  

Your gyn doctor should have given you all the appropriate exams such as a PAP smear and etc.

Lots of organization make a big deal out of the 70% who they call Survivors.  Komen and etc with all the pink fluff makes one think that breast cancer is not a serious when it is often a deadly disease.  We have made great strides in the last 40 years, but mostly in keeping those with stages 0, 1, 2, 3 from recurrence and allowing stage IV to live longer.  My aunt was diagnose in 1964 with lung mets after being NED for 5 years.  She had surgery and radiation in 1959.  I was diagnose with lung mets in 2008 and am still around.  We both learns of our lung involvement in the month of June, my aunt died 3 months later and I am still living.  Breast Cancer is not always happy news, it can and often is very sad news.

Doris

 

lintx's picture
lintx
Posts: 456
Joined: Sep 2012

 

Thanks for the 70% explanation.  I see you as such a fighter and strong-willed person.  Everyone needs that extra push.  I love that you share so much info w/us.  Linda 

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2131
Joined: Dec 2010

It has been almost 3 years and I am still not wrapping my head around it. Best I can say is /if you feel good today, do whatever you can do, or need to do, or want to do". 2 years is another statistic, I will be 3 years Sept.
It has not been easy, it just is what it is!
Hugs,
Carol

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

There are quite a few on the Board that are Stage 4.Some just dx,Some with no reccurance and some that had a reccurance and taking chemo.We have quite a few long term survivors with breast cancer and other cancers after that.Still they are doing OK.I"m sure it's not easy but they do all they can to beat the cancer. 

I have 2 friends that were Stage 3,One was told it was fast growing.That was 10 years ago.The other was told she was Stage 3 with 3 nodes involved.That was 19 years ago. I was worried years ago about them but they're fine.Now  with me Stage 0 and non invasive but I had 4 scares since my dx almost 4 years ago.Cancer is unpredictible. My friends just had a lumpectomy with Stage 3 but I had 3 lumpectomies.One being cancer the other 2 benign,

The Stage 0 doesn't make me comfortable.I was told the Stage 0 is non invasive but I can get other cancers.I take my tamoxfin now and hopefully Dec 2014 I will be finished with it.

I understand your frustration.We're all going through that and not sure when or if it ever passes. 

Lynn Smith 

  

carkris's picture
carkris
Posts: 4529
Joined: Aug 2009

New Flower is so right, well put! i am sorry this is happening, Seems like your onc was rather harsh

treecy1106's picture
treecy1106
Posts: 149
Joined: Apr 2011

I hope this helps.....when I was diagnosed I couldn't wrap my thoughts around anything else except the fear and then something clicked inside me.

I said, well I have cancer and I can't control that but I can control what I eat and drink and how I live...stress wise.

I took a course on intergrative nutrition. Studied food and what clears the body of all toxins and prevents cancer.

With that, I became certified as a health counselor so instead of being in fear and worrying all the time I focus on getting my immune system so strong it can fight anything!

During my BC trip my sisterinlaw who I am very close to drove me to the hospital for one of my surgeries. The very next day she had a seizure. To make a long story short...she has brain cancer at 56. GBM to be exact. She has had 3 surgeries total and they said she had 6 months to live...2 years ago but she eats right...takes the vitamins...drinks certain water and keep her body alkaline. Does she worry??? 

Not really....she knows she is doing her best to make her body fight this beast and she will win and has been for over 2 years now.

I just took her to yoga last week. Body ..Mind...Spirit.

I actually look forward to seeing my oncologist cause I want to confirm when I see my blood tests that I am doing the right thing and its working!

Keep the faith girl...((HUGS))

Patrice

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Patrice,

You don't have stage IV and it is very different than stage 0, 1, 2, 3.  70% of women who have a diagnose of breast cancer won't have a recurrence.  

For the other 30% it is a different story.   I have known women who have done all you are suggesting but for stage IV it doesn't work in the long run.

As for your sister-in-law, I wish her good luck.  No one can give a person a time, for we are each individuals and react to our cancer is as unique as we are.

Doris

treecy1106's picture
treecy1106
Posts: 149
Joined: Apr 2011

Please address me privately.

This is Tasha's blog.

Thank you,

Patrice

 

 

 

Bella Luna's picture
Bella Luna
Posts: 1575
Joined: Aug 2009

Tasha... wishing you continued Strength and peace of mind as you move forward with life.  I hope the words shared by some of the Pinks be of  some comfort to you.

Patrice... thank you for sharing.  I, too, believe in keeping my Temple( mind, body, and soul) Strong!

May God bless us all.

Ines

 

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Tasha,

Perhaps you seek someone to talk to about your stage 4 diagnose and get a prescription of some kind to help you.  There are no guarantees but the 2 years average has gone up some, so I don't know why he/she said that stat.  

It is hard to wrap your head around it, I can't say that even I have since starting chemo.  I had used hormonal drug therapies for 18 years and had good quality of life.  Now I don't and you are right it does just suck.  This is the place to vent...

Best to you,

Doris

Josie21
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Tasha,

When I was diagnosed with Stage 1 cancer almost 5 years ago I almost lost my mind!  I went into a serious depression.  I can't even imagine what would have happened to me if I was diagnosed with a higher stage.  I truly lost my mind.  What I am trying to say Tasha is, maybe you cannot wrap your head around this by yourself.  When I was going through my depression, the only thing that saved me was going to a counselor that dealt with breast cancer patients of all stages.  She saved my life.  She would tell me about Stage 4 patients who she was treating for over 5 years and beyond.  I think you need to take care of your depression by seeing a professional.  Getting your depression under control may enable you to wrap your head around what is happening to you.  Maybe then you can look at the Stage 4 ladies on this site as proof that not everyone dies in about 2 years.  I, in NO possible way, can imagine what you or the other ladies with Stage 4 are going through every single day, but I do see that these remarkable women are LIVING with Stage 4.  You need to give yourself some time to absorb what has happened.  You sound like a very fiesty and strong lady, but when depression sets in, our minds and bodies cannot possibly deal with such a difficult situation.  I am so sorry this is happening to you.  

Hugs,

Ginny

New Flower
Posts: 4128
Joined: Aug 2009

The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried—and there is new normal.It will come, however if you feel I cannot deal with it please talk to your oncologist who will suggest the steps forward to deal with it.

Your support group is right here at this site, however you might benefit from face to face meetings with stage IV survivors who have been doing well. 

You have been diagnosed with stage IV just for  week only, it will be abnormal feeling easy without emotional pain.

Hugs to you and let us know what is your treatment plan.

Hugs 

creampuff91344's picture
creampuff91344
Posts: 989
Joined: Nov 2008

Tasha, I don't now if you realize it, but you were the first person to respond to me when I first joined the Board (November 2008).  You told me that a cancer diagnosis is something that is hard to hear, but there was strength here on the CSN Boards that could help me get through the process.  I was so grateful to you when you responded so quickly, and now I am saying to you....a cancer diagnosis, no matter what Stage, is hard to hear.  However, you will always  have someone to vent to, ask questions, swear, or do whatever is necessary to get you through this bad time.  I was so sorry to hear you had been diagnosed with Stage IV, and will be here any time you need me.  I'll bet you that there are hundreds more that will be here for you as well.  I'd like to give your oncologist a swift kick for telling you that two years was your life expectancy.  You know, as well as I do, that no one has the ability to predict how long you will be with us.  I do know that you have been a wonderful influence on me,  as well as lots of other survivors.  Now it's our turn to hold you up.  You do need to seek medical advice on depression, and getting that under control will definitely make you feel better.  You have been a true warrior all of this time, and now is the time to dig your heels in and fight that much harder.  Hugs to you,  Judy

fauxma's picture
fauxma
Posts: 3544
Joined: Dec 2008

I would like to echo Judy's post.  I am here for you as are many others.  You were and are one of my favs and made me laugh so much when I was first on this board.  I know you are in for a fight and that this diagnosis is so different and so much harder but remember you just received this news.  Think back to how you felt with your original diagnosis.  It is going to take time to wrap your head around it all and there is much more involved now.  But there are some things that haven't changed.  Our support, advice, love and caring for you is still always here.  The board is still the best place in the world to vent, rant, cry, laugh and whatever you need to do.  All the advice about talking with your oncologist for some assistance for depression and help is really, really good.   Support comes in many packages and medication can help you deal with all this as well.  I will not pretend that I know how someone who is Stage IV feels and I think every feeling they have needs to be respected.  I am one of those that draws my strength from humor, being positive, and the support of family and friends but that could all change in a heartbeat at a Stage IV prognosis.  I do know that my daft sod, Tasha, has a core of inner strength that you will draw on.  Right now I think I would take it with one day at a time. Stage IV does not have a cure but it doesn't have a set timeline either.  I wish to hell that no one had to face Stage IV or another other stage or type but wishing won't change this for you or anyone else.  I do hope though that our support and friendship will help to carry you through this.  We are here for you and will do what we can to help you every step of the way  

Stef

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2051
Joined: Oct 2008

Thank you, you made me feel much betterSmile

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2051
Joined: Oct 2008

I am lost. dead and alive.  \thank you for your lovely message, it meant a lot,,,,,I have seen my doc, I am on 'happy pills' just waiting for them to kick-in....Underwent a MRI ronight, really enjoyed it... lol,  hope to be happy with the results,  will keep you posted... thsnkd hun  .......j xxxxxxxxxx

 

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