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Don't know what's going on with me...

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

I really don't know what has been going on with me lately. Up until my colostomy reversal surgery June 17th, I was doing great, had a positive attitude, and was looking forward to the reversal. Tomorrow it will be five weeks since the surgery, and I still haven't recovered. Right from the week of surgery, my abdominal area (all over) has been sore and I occasionally feel short of breath. Deeps breaths cause pain under my ribcage. I knew recovery would be slow, but for whatever reason I have been in a major funk. My husband (stage 4 melanoma) had a ct scan last week which was overall very good. The tumor under his right armpit showed shrinkage; the one under his left armpit, as well as the two small ones on his clavical showed growth of maybe a mm or 2. Our oncologist is not concerned, and is rather pleased (the one under his right armpit). Of course I panicked about the mm or 2 growth in the others. As for me, I had my second chemo since surgery (my last one included Avistan). But it seems I have a good day of feeling great, then days after of being sore, which escalates into worry about spreading, etc. Today I feel great, and I can say my reversal kicked in quickly. I haven't had to use miralax or laxative or softener for over a week now. So I think I'm just on this pity party for me; I seem to be so sensitive to everything. Yesterday was my niece's bridal shower; it was fun and I feel great today, considering how I did more yesterday than usual. But on the way home, it made me think of the grandkids I may or may never see, and other events. Like I said, prior to surgery, I was doing great emotionally. Jim (husband) is doing great, feels great. My surgeon says I'm doing great (surgically) and my oncologist can't even feel my liver anymore. I know I'm rambling; I'm lucky to have a great support system, but I wish, like everyone else on this board, I could go back to my "before cancer" life. And I know my situation is not as bad as some others. Again, I'm rambling, but I think just posting here makes me feel better!!!

Thanks for reading my rambling!

Judy

db8ne1's picture
db8ne1
Posts: 80
Joined: Feb 2013

You have been through a lot and if you have some rough periods - it is perfectly understandable! 

After my surgery for colorectal cancer (and a surprise hysterectomy) - my incision healed great.  However, to the right of the incision I had a lot of pain and discomfort and would walk around holding my abdomen. I can handle a lot - including pain - but pain is SOOO wearing when there is no relief in sight! I decided to try massage therapy (with the blessing of my surgeon).  Fortunately, my massage therapist was trained in scar and adhesion therapy.  I did get quite a bit of relief afterwards.  I still have tugging sensations every once in a while - but nothing near the discomfort I had previously. 

Adhesions may or may not be problematic.  Everyone is different, but you can experience problems with them even after 1 surgery.  However, the more surgeries that you have, the more adhesions you will develop and the chances of pain or discomfort increase.  I don't know if this is the issue that you are having in regard to discomfort, but it is something you may want to research. 

Hoping this gets resolved for you soon!

 

Jenni

lp1964's picture
lp1964
Posts: 839
Joined: Jun 2013

Everything you feel emotionally is completely justified considering what you guys have been trough, so don't feel guilty about your feelings. I look at emotional capacity like a glass with a hole on the bottom. If you are a positive person and you have good people around you, you keep filling up the glass with good feelings, good deeds that you give and receive. Bad things like illness and bad people will drain this glass continuously. How much strength and capacity you have in that glass to deal with the hardships in life at any given moment, depends on how much you put in there and how much it gets drained. Sometimes the glass is full and you fill like you can deal with anything, sometimes it's empty and you feell like you can't go on a minute. The physical capacity is the same and the two are of course related. But please, check in with your doctors about your physical issues.

You guys take care and keep filling up that glass.

Laz

Coloncancerblows's picture
Coloncancerblows
Posts: 296
Joined: Feb 2013

Judy,

It's okay to ramble.  I think we all go through the same thing.  I wish I could go back to my normal life without cancer too but it is what it is.  I'll be praying for you and hope you feel better soon. 

Cynthia

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2181
Joined: Oct 2011

I have had gloomy spells even when things are going relatively well.  In fact, I think I've tended to get more depressed when I'm not so actively involved in the fight against the cancer.  Gives me too much time to think about the "what ifs", which are naturally always lurking at the back of my mind.  It's hard to get through all of this suffering, and then realize that, despite how much effort we are putting in to this struggle, there's no going back to what we had before.

I hope things are starting to look up for you, Judy, and remember...we all deserve a "pity party" on occasion, and this is the best place to throw one, as we all get it!  Although next time, I would like a funny hat and noisemaker, pls...

Hugs to you~AA

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