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Sometimes life sucks!

Bubbs21
Posts: 44
Joined: Jul 2012

Good day my firends,

Like many of you, I have had my share of being touched by cancer.  Both my parents passed from cancer (MM for dad and lung cancer for mom).  I have lost an aunt, a grandfather and multiple friends as well.  I have personally dealt with kidney cancer this last year and am currently NED.  Each time stepping up to the plate and dealing with what life has to test me/us with.  This time it is different.  My son's best friend who is 25 has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  His life has gone from ' be all you can be' to a future that is measured in months.

My son's friend presented with an ongoing cold, that was diagnosed as pneumonia in June.  When it persisted, he returned to the doctor to be told he had a clot in his lung and needed to rest (no work) and follow-up tests.  Now in July he is unemployed, very fatiqued with a new diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer.

I want to help and support both my son and his friend.  They are at a distance (about a 6 hour drive).  Despite having been touched by cancer before, I have never felt so angry and overwhelmed.  I feel guilty too - I survived, I had good doctors and an early diagnosis.  What kid/ young adult screens for cancer?  Life isn't fair.

I appreciate your listening to me vent and would appreciate any advise on how to support my son and his friend in the hours, day and weeks ahead.

danbren2's picture
danbren2
Posts: 187
Joined: May 2013

You know the one thing in life that truly is not prejudice is cancer!  Age, color, sex, or background does not seem to matter to cancer.  The only thing you can do is be there for them when they just want to talk, laugh, cry, and ask the question why?  I to am NED'ing right now, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer in July of 2011, and everyday I wake up I thank God!

Let him know how much you love him, and what am impact he has and continues to make on your life.  He is one of many that are tearfully fighting this horrible disease, though it may not help, he is truly not alone.

Love, prayers, and support to you all.

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

No platitudes! 

You're right!  Sometimes life DOES suck, and suck mightily at that! 

Cancer only recently started reaching out and touching me and my loved ones, but it has made up for lost time.

I feel where you are!  I too have known sadness, depression, and rage at the indiscriminate way cancer strikes. It is a case of no ass to kick and no heart to appeal to.  A primal scream is sometimes all thats left.

Use it!  I'll join you, for Cancer steals more than it deserves.

I can only sayI feel where you are and empathize.

After screaming, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and help as long as you are able.

Pax vobiscum!

Michael

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

Be all that you can be?  Seriously?

Is this potentially service connected? Get him a VA representative now!

BLKJAK
Posts: 108
Joined: Apr 2013

I had a high school classmate who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 40. At nearly the same time, her son was diagnosed with bone cancer. I got to read her Facebook posts which detailed the rapid decline of her son's condition. Ultimately her son died this past summer at the age of 20. That really made me sad and angry that cancer has this kind of relentless power. No one deserves this. I sometimes sit in self pity and wonder why I have kidney cancer. I have done everything "right" in my life. I never smoked. I never used illegal drugs. I didn't really party or abuse alcohol. Heck, for the past 10 years I rarely drank. I look at how many people do abuse their bodies and will likely live a long life despite it all. It makes no sense at all. All I can do is accept what I have and plead with God to give me more time with my family.

Cancer sucks, but I am trying to not let it rule my life. I need to be here for my family. There is so much I need to teach my sons as they are so young. I can't let cancer take that away from them. It just isn't fair.

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

And it's that conviction and determination that will get you through this to many more happy years of family life.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Many of you already know this, but it bears repeating.  Prior to my dx in the fall of 2009, 7 people close to me (no blood relatives) including my father-in-law had died from RCC.  When they told me that night in the ER what they had found I knew the consequences very well.  I have another close friend diagnosed since, its cancer that sucks!  At my core I believe in a higher power, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that everything works together for good.  I question this on nearly a daily basis it seems, yet as I look back at the time I have spent here I see it as truth, it carried me then and still does today.  Faith in whatever you believe is a strong force, it gets us through the dark times and I believe we must experience the darkness to appreciate the light.

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

Bubbs, realistically there is not much you can do in your situation, beyond staying in close touch, ensuring that they know that you care and that you will do anything in your power to help. 

It's essential that they know that, but don't crowd them in any way, for instance by frequent suggestions of what you think they should be doing or could try (the exception to that would be if it looks as though good enough care isn't being given, in which case pushing for a change of care team, or a second opinion would be reasonable for you to do).

The other suggestion I would like to make is that you take some sort of counselling yourself - if you feel it's all getting to you too much.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1923
Joined: Oct 2011

When younger people get cancer,ms or other life threatening diseases. It just isn't fair. But fairness has no part in the discussion. I say that at least I reached my 60s and I get some satisfaction from that.

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

I agree with Gary's comment that things happen for a reason, though sometimes it's extremely difficult to recognize that. I hope while he is doing all he can to improve his diagnosis, he is looking for what may be lacking in his life. Is his relationship with friends and family what it should be? Maybe this is a wakeup call that it is time to address that or any number of other issues. It's amazing how often filling the holes in our heart can build fortitude, attitude, and help immensely with the healing process. Doing so also builds our strength and our fight and our determination to kick butt!

 

I also am concerned with the "measured in months" timeline.  With all the progress in cancer research, my senses go on full alert when a time left is given to a diagnosis. One of my dearest friends has been battling stage 4 lung cancer for the past  four years, and she is still with us.

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