Jun 08, 2013 - 3:21 pm
I'm sure some of you can identify with that one.
I am Wolfen, originally from the Colon Forum. My daughter is Johnnybegood, a five year survivor. I am also a member of the H&N Forum, as my husband was diagnosed In Oct. 2012 with H&N & lung cancers.
Due to many medical mistakes & setbacks, his battle was a downhill slide almost from diagnosis. He lost his valiant battle on May 5, and now I am somewhat lost. We were married for 40+ years. I can barely remember a time when we were not together. And, now he is gone. It is so difficult to comprehend, to realize that he's not going to come home from that hunting trip or his latest stay in the hospital.
I've purposely, I suppose, remained in the the whirlwind that accompanies the death of a spouse. You know, the one where you try to settle the affairs, clean & organize everything, & sell things like mad to make ends meet. Some of you may not have faced that last part, but unfortunately, I do. But when the wind dies down & the dust settles(again), reality sets in. Here comes that fact that I'm over 65, a bit insecure(never was before), and sort of lost.
My chidren are my safe harbor in the storm. Unfortunately, my daughter & her family live a great distance from me. My son, however, remains nearby and has been helping me with everything, but I cannot consume his life. We had no "close" friends, so I have no shoulder to cry on, so I come to you, my friends for words of advice and comfort.
Many of you are familiar to me, having been a member for a few years and feeling your triumphs and sadness for those years.
The hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life was the one to remove my husband from life support. I cannot second guess my decision as I know in my heart that he would not have wanted to "live" in that condition for the remainder of his days. But it was so very hard as I held his hand and watched him take his last breath. A large part of me died that day also.
Try as I might, I find it difficult to keep the solitude and loneliness at bay. It just wants to "creep" in.
Take care, my fellow warriors.