Jun 02, 2013 - 7:49 am
Thank you to everyone here for sharing your experiences. I've been reading posts and have learned much about head and neck cancers, and feel better for the knowledge. This doesn't help me understand why a friend from work told me in early April he has Stage IV throat cancer, and won't let me support him. Maybe my version of support is different from what he needs, and maybe he needs space. I don't know.
We talked a few times after about his diagnosis, and I offered each time to help, specific offers, and no reply. I feel frustrated that he told me and then nothing. The news hit me hard. I've been calling every week and sending email and cards, telling him it's OK not to reply or answer the phone, getting more worried as the weeks pass. He's probably done with rads and chemo, and the most difficult part for me is not knowing how he's doing, although reading here gives me a good idea.
You have no idea how much your posts are helping me.
He doesn't know I cried during his six or seven weeks of rads and have been asking God to keep him safe. He knows I care about him and doesn't want me to visit (he lives near me, and I respect his wishes, won't come by unannounced or before asking again), yet everything I read tells me to be supportive, offer specifics, be there to listen, hold a hand, give a hug, let the person know you're there.
Have you pushed people away during treatment? My mom is a bilateral mastectomy survivor (1969 and 1975), and she told me she took chemo alone, and didn't want anyone around. I wrote to a few members here and didn't use my name since I felt odd talking about my friend behind his back, and worried he might read it. Forgive me for doing that, please.