May 21, 2013 - 2:01 pm
I got home Friday night on day 3o of my boyfriends radiation treatment. I left that day before he rang the bell. The bell rang for me the night before in his fentanyl oxycodone police threat. We were 10 months in to the relationship, made the committment to take care of each other if we got sick, both been married and no need to do it again, and then a month later the tumor at the base of his tongue showed up. Six weeks of radiation away from home, 24/7 w the blender, slurries, tea concoctions, support through fear, pain, drugs and more drugs, death,...and I was not able to make him feel good any more. (i edited out details of the relationship demise....) I connected with Debbie Cornwall on the web and she got me here. The pain I have I"m sure palls in comparison to his today, I know, but i am hurting. I have found so many wonderful people through this cancer ordeal. I don't know how to let go, how much to hope. I was just hoping to get to this point together...after hanging on to the back of the sled down the mountainside bump after bump...finally coming to a stop with a hug and just say "WHOA". I guess what i didn't know that I wish someone had told me.....you can not do this alone. A caregiver can not do 24/7 away from home for 6 weeks. And what I hope to share with the medical profession out there is that never once did anyone ask him what else he did for pain..."do you get outside and walk?"...."do you medidate"..."what else can you do to take yourself away from the misery for just a little bit?" "do you need a different social worker you can work with?" Then ask the invisible caregive how they are doing.
I guess the big unknown for me now is does pain medicine change someone or does it bring out who they truly are?