May 18, 2013 - 1:28 pm
I have read through a few of these posts and feel a little ashamed of myself. A part of me feels like I have no business complaining, but I feel so overwhelmed right now that I don't know what else to do. I have no one else to turn to. Please, if you can, help me sort out what I can do in my situation.
Here is my situation. I am 49 years old and am currently living with my boyfriend and his mother. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about ten years. We had our own place in Connecticut until we learned his mother had terminal cancer and should not live alone. We agreed to move to New Jersey to live with her and help his brother and sister care of their mother. (His brother lives locally but has a wife and two small children and could not live with her. His sister lives in New York, about an hour away, but works a great deal. She tried living with her but the commute to work was too much.)
Chris and I proved to be the better choice as my children are grown and on their own. So Jan 1, we moved in with his mother. His mother is a wonderful woman, and honestly, easy to llive with. The most difficult time I have living in her house is that she and I are very different in housekeeping. Her house is small and oh so cluttered! It was very dirty when we moved in and my efforts to clean it, and keep it clean, are futile. I try, but there is so much stuff that I can't seem to make a difference. The house is only a two bedroom. We occupy one and the second has two bunk beds that are never used. She sleeps in a recliner in the living room. She likes the room hot, keeps the termostat at around 85 because the cancer has left her feeling cold. She is deaf, so the t.v. blares very loudly. She keeps the t.v. on 24 hours a day. This house is small, dirty, loud and oppresive.
Chris and I both work fulltime jobs from our house. My desk is in the bedroom we sleep in and his is in the bedroom with the two bunk beds. I asked Chris this morning if we could get rid of the bunk beds and clear out the children toys and books that fill this room. (His mother watched small children before she became terminal. This is why we have a bedroom full of toys and kids stuff.) He agreed and we began talking through plans to clear out the room and buy furniture that would provide us a place to be more comfortable. We can't sit out in the living room because of the noise level and the heat, plus she sleeps there. Before I knew it, we were fighting! Lately, it seems we snap at each other over stupid things. I recongize the stress is getting to us both. I want very much to be supportive of Chris and available to help him when he needs it. But I feel like all I do is work, clean and care for him and his mother. I am tired and so uncomfortable in this house.
I don't want to leave. That is not an option for me. I am here for Chris and his mother and want to remain here. But I need some way to cope and I don't know how.
Pleases, any suggestions?