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For the Newbies/comments on OLD threads

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3479
Joined: Apr 2010

Please look before posting on old threads.  If you look at the dates and its more then a couple of months old, then it is an old thread.  Many of us have lost good friends, and when you comment, especially comments as if that person is alive it hurts a bit.

Please  DO look at the older threads, the advice might be helpful to you, just try not to comment on them.

If it is something you have a question on or want to talk about, please feel free to start a NEW thread, there are many that can help you out.

Welcome to our site, and thank you for being considerate.

Winter Marie

janderson1964's picture
janderson1964
Posts: 1781
Joined: Oct 2011

Well said.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4358
Joined: Feb 2009

Sorry that this happens but it's going to continue to happen.  Most new people coming on this board are in a fog and their head is reeling with the "C" word and your explanation of what they should look for will eventually drop to page three.  When they put something in the search box it brings up the oldest first and of course people just want an answer, they aren't looking at the date.  What would be better for us older posters is to ignore the ones brought to the forefront, or just scroll down real fast to the end to see if this new person needs help starting a new treat of their own on that subject.  It's a sad thing that happens on message boards of this type, but it's going to happen and we should accept that there are some on this board that have died but we all here posting are survivors and we can still love and mourn the ones we lost.  The spammers on the other hand bringing these posts to the forefront are just scumb.

Kim

LazrTekr's picture
LazrTekr
Posts: 4
Joined: May 2013

This exact thing happened to me last night. Awake, in pain from chemo and searching for help. I ran across a thread, via google, when searching side effects of chemo  and avastine. In my "fog", as you so perfectly described, I didn't see the date but decided to join (first site I decided to join in the 6 months I've been reading them) and created an account and posted to the thread. I was then replied to by an admin(?), and unfortunately, like the other poster to this thread, it almost felt like an admonishment rather than a informative eeply to my post. It was short in tone (email tone) and stated i need to look at the dates and that many people on the thread had died, including the original poster. This also did not feel "right". I, as a stage 4a cancer patient, do not need to be treated like that and told such things in such a callous manner! . No "welcome to the site", no "let me give you some tips", just a very cold and unfeeling admonishment for my post!It was quite disconcerting to say the least

 At this time, I am second guessing my decision on this site. I find the posts informative and the users to be very helpful and knowledgeable, and I like the information and resources it offers, but if the administration is going to be so callous, it makes me think I should continue to search for another site?

 Just my experience as a "Newbie" who was just trying to wade through this hell called CANCER!

 Brian

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4679
Joined: May 2005

It certainly does NOT sound like it was an admin who wrote to you. I would contact CSN and forward the contents of the email along with the senders screen name. I've never in my 8 years on this forum ever heard of any moderator acting like that ever. It's totally unacceptable and should be reported ASAP. Moderators don't (or shouldn't) behave unprofessionally like that.

This forum always provides varied responses but is civil 98% of the time. Use the Contact CSN link in the upper right hand corner to contact a moderator Brian... That's a heII of a lousy welcome for sure!

-phil

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Very sorry Brian that you had that response. I, too, hope you reported this to the moderator. I have only been on here since December and it is a very helpful forum. Do not let someone feel like you have done anything wrong. I have found this forum almost a lifesaver. I have learned that, other than a couple of people on here, most a very thoughtful and don't hold grudges, pass judgment, etc. Please stay on, you will learn a long!!!

Judy

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3479
Joined: Apr 2010

No one is upset or mad at you!!  This is stuff we have to deal with on occasion, and we ALL have been quilty of doing this.  Including myself!! Please do NOT feel singled out at all.  I just wrote the above for everyone to look at the date, including us oldies.

Please feel welcome here, and if you took this directed at you, please don't and forgive me if I made you feel like that. 

It iis totally UNDERSTANDABLE on first posts to do that, this was a heads up to other newbies, is all.

I'm sorry you have to be here but am glad you have found us, please feel welcome!!

Winter Marie

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2296
Joined: Oct 2011

I realize that it is highly unlikely that we will hear from Greta, but it would be good to get an actual mod's take on this.  I don't think it's our place to act as forum "police" unless it's really egregious.  We should always err on the side of compassion when dealing with new members.

It's kind of you to apologize to Brain, WM, but I feel strongly that those of us who have been around for awhile need to set a certain tone for those who are just starting this terrible journey.  We don't need to add to their challenges with arbitrary rules.  CSN needs to decide to lock threads after a certain point if this is an actual problem, but for the time being, as far as I know, there is no rule on this that needs to be addressed.  AA

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Well said, Anna!

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5016
Joined: Feb 2008

Hey, Brian.

 

I'm coming back after taking a bit of a break from this site (because I'm busy, not any other reason). So I haven't really had a chance to meet you, but I just want to say hello. I'm sorry you had such a rude greeting, and I'm glad you had the fortitude to stick with it here.

I, too, miss our dear ones who have passed on, but I don't think we honor them by being rude to new people seeking help.

 

*hugs*

Gail

 

Eltina21's picture
Eltina21
Posts: 174
Joined: May 2010

Hi Kim, You have been very inspirational.  Thanks for all of the advice.Smile

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4358
Joined: Feb 2009

Glad to see you posting again, it's been awhile.  Thanks for the nice comment.

Kim

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1626
Joined: Jan 2013

When I first arrived here I was told,( not too politly) NOT to post new threads but search old threads and post to them. I was told that i was wasting space.

Many good people came to my defence, of which I appreciate. 

I must admit, I rarely read the dates on posts I open, so its a good idea to keep an eye on that. 

It is sad to read post of those who have passed, and I don't even know them. 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4358
Joined: Feb 2009

I've never heard that and I'm sorry if you got that told you.  These message board is for searching and asking and the questions that you want.  Some of these threads go back to 2006 and just from that date forward so much progress has been made.  It's good to look back to the old ones, but never feel intimidated to ask a question that might have been asked 1,000 times before just months before.  Glad your still posting :)  Not too sure what "space" they are talking about (maybe server, but they got a new one)

Kim

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4679
Joined: May 2005

...but no one can know who's passed away. Already there are numerous threads on the same topic that are visible on the first page so I can see maybe checking that first. Posting on a thread that is 5+ years old may not be good because so many things have happened as far as treatments go but again, that's not always the case.

While it hurts, death is part of life...

dandy

jen2012
Posts: 1245
Joined: Aug 2012

Trubrit...i think i remember that and if i remember correctly that person was from another board completely...it was pretty rude as i recall. Yet you stuck around...so thats good!

I dont think anyone does this with bad intentions (except the scammers) and i worry that calling them on it may scare them away. Honestly i dont really understand why its so hurtful. If you lose a family member or friend do you throw away all memory of them? I still have pictures of my grandparents on my fridge and they have been gone for decades.

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3479
Joined: Apr 2010

i'd say when someone is congratulating the person that is DECEASED on how well they're doing and keep up the good work that hurts.  When you have pictures of your dead relatives around your house you don't have people talking to them about keeping up the good work on their fight to survive, there's a difference there. 

and of course the newbies don't have bad intentions, no one would think that, but a warning of looking at dates so they're not giving words of encouragement to dead people seems prudent to post.

Winter Marie

renw's picture
renw
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2013

I think the difference is being reminded that 'This could be me in 12 months'.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4679
Joined: May 2005

It could be anyone we know today from being in a car accident...
Death happens...I do think it's harder on the living though

I have fond memories of seeing the faces on here but that's me.

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3479
Joined: Apr 2010

It isn't "but for the grace of God, there go I", it's more Jennie (Idlehunter) was my good friend, and I am still mourning her.  We have feelings here, feelings of sadness and hurt when a friend dies.  Their death matters to us.  So before we are ready, to have their faces brought to the foreground is painful, not because we have impending death (I don't but thanks anyway) but because we cared and loved our friends.  It isn't decades old photos and words of hope we are looking at, but recent death, hope taken from them, and sorrow that we are feeling.

Winter Marie

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2296
Joined: Oct 2011

I'm pretty sure Ren was referring to himself, not you.  Although if I'm wrong about that, he can certainly jump in here and correct me!  AA

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

This is how I took it too. Ren keeps his posts short, sweet and to the point. It seems like sometimes they are interpreted differently. I got the impression that he was referring to himself. I agree with him. When I see those old posts it knocks the wind out of me. I think about my posts popping back up down the road...... I would much rather focus on the Phil's, Craig's, Maggie's and others who have done so well. Seeing all those people who have passed away is a real reality check.

renw's picture
renw
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2013

Few months back, i exchanged a few emails with someone of the same age as me, with pretty much the same diagnosis, 70% mets in the liver etc. He also travelled to Germany and China for various therapies. He was diagnosed a year before me. Recently, shortly after he returned from germany, a post was made on his blog that he had died. Apart from the two emails we exchanged, I hardly knew him, but the news hit me like a ton of bricks and it was the first time that I sank into depression. It brought the point home, that there was this young guy, fighting as hard as myself, and just under two years after his diagnosis it all ended. Then you realize 'he was just like me' and every time I come across his photo I see a mirror image of myself. That is what is hard to deal with as its easier to live with delussion that this can't happen to me. I've had friends die, as well as people I knew on other non-cancer related forums, but that is very different. If an old post of theirs came up, no one would blink an eye. On CSN I think people don't like being reminded of their own mortality, hence the many 'how dare you' over-reactions to the ressurection of old threads. My experience, my opinion. Agree or disagree as you wish.

jen2012
Posts: 1245
Joined: Aug 2012

Yeah i get that ren. Ive had that same feeling when hearing someone else had passed away from this...i just dont think giving people a hard time about their first post here is a good solution.

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2296
Joined: Oct 2011

it doesn't bother me, and in a way, I kind of like seeing people pop up who are no longer around.  I read the old comments, and think about that person for a few minutes.  It helps to keep them alive in my heart.  I keep hoping Buckwirth, whose spirit I greatly admired even though I know he rubbed some people the wrong way, will show up.  AA

coloCan
Posts: 1870
Joined: Oct 2009

can be made to be read by whoever clicks on them but additional comments are prevented from bringing that post to everyone's screen....You can read on your internet device but not be permitted to continue that post with additional comments and have such a notification when the post appears on person's screen. That way the info,comments of that old post remains for newly Dxed people or others to read and perhaps learn from....I don't think anyone just finding this site after being told they have CRC has any intention of causing pain of any sort when adding their own comments,concerns or questions to an old post that includes members who will never participate again.......As for spammers..........(must censor myself here)

Matta's picture
Matta
Posts: 37
Joined: Jun 2011

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.  - William James

It´s good to have the old threads to read, so much experience and knowledge, it does not hurt me to see what others wrote after they are gone, it makes me glad that they are still helping others.  It would hurt me if these thread would be deleted or hided from CSN readers.   Every time I see an old thread pop up, when a new person here is in a need of answears about our fight, then I know that our words will help others for a long time, even when we are gone.   

 

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Perhaps we oldies (I'm not, I've only been here since 201) should look at the original posting date and who posted it. The we have a choice as to whether to click on it or not. I know for most people, when a loved one dies, find that it hurts when those around them won't mention their loved one's name, so it's like that loved one never existed. Newbies have a chance to see what those before us have done, and I think that's important. Again, I now look at the original posting date before I click on something. Perhaps that is what we all should do, instead of making someone who is just joining this post feel like they have committed a crime.

Judy

And their are nice/positive ways to speak to someone about this topic without making them feel bad. Remember, it's bad enough this newbie is going thru what the rest of us are going thru; I don't think s/he needs to have this feeling added to his/her thoughts.

 

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

us oldies dont have to look at the date we know them by name and we know who has passed it still HURTS...Godbless...johnnybegood

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2296
Joined: Oct 2011

Darn it.

Anyway, just agreeing with Judy here.

We don't want to drive people away over a simple mistake, right when they need us most.

Pain and loss is an unavoidable part of these forums, and there are times when maybe it's just too much.  I've taken a break form time to time when it starts to get overwhelming.  AA

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

Perhaps if someone knows someone has passed away, they can post on that person's thread that the person has passed. Then s/he can recommend to anyone posting regarding the issue on the thread to start a new thread.

Judy

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 477
Joined: Oct 2009

Just want to add:  I think that those who respond to old threads are either too upset to notice the dates or not knowledgeable about such things.  It is helpful to gently inform and educate those who have inadvertently posted on old threads. 

And Marie, I could certainly understand your pain. 

For me, reading Jennie's old post brought a tear and a smile; she was just so darn funny too!

Let's open our hearts to compassion for those who are grieving and for those who are learning to navigate these uncharted waters, for them.  (though we who have some experience can help with their journey.)

 

johnsnowden's picture
johnsnowden
Posts: 20
Joined: May 2013

i'm new to this board and wish i'd joined sooner. i was diagnosed in oct/2012 stage 3b colorectal but the other message boards i found were years old and not updated. yet here on the ACS site there is a wonderful active board with lots of neat people!

well this is my way of saying hi.

my treatment going well btw.

AnnLouise's picture
AnnLouise
Posts: 276
Joined: Mar 2013

Glad you found us......I would suggest that you should probably start a new post so we can all welcome you. You have found a group of caring, supportive people....with a wealth of knowledge and experiences. Glad your treatment is going well and nice to meet you! ~ Ann

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5016
Joined: Feb 2008

Hey! Welcome to the board!

 

*hugs*

Gail

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