May 09, 2013 - 12:30 am
Hi, I'm a gay man and have been involved with a married man (common law) for a few years. He has several young teen aged children and lives with his girl as a family. He claimed to be in a loveless relationship and I've always had commitment issues so our connection seemed like a "win-win." Eventually our feelings grew out of control and he decided that he wanted to be with me exclusively. I fought him tooth and nail because of my commitment issues. It was also obvious to me that he was kne deep in his living situation with his wife and leaving her would not be easy. I would have to patiently wait for the process to be complete.
Long story short, last summer we had a big fight where I told him that our relationship couldn't go any further than it already had. It was a bitter discussion and some nasty things were said. Then 3 months later he was diagnosed with NH Lymphoma. When he called and told me, I dropped everything and came to his side. Yes, his wife was there as well. She knew that we were friends and had no clue about our sexual connection. I helped her care for him and even went with him to dr's appointments when she wasn't able to. He experienced a LOT of complications and was near death several times. I stood by him and helped nurse him back.Now he's undegoing his chemo treatments and is madly in love with me for being there in his time of need.
The problem is that the feelings aren't mutual. I love him, but I do not want to be commited relationship with him or anyone else for that matter. After he was stabiized on his chemo treatments I started to pull back and spend less time around him and his family. He immediately noticed and questioned me about it. At first, I wasn't as direct as I needed to be, but after constant pressure I eventually told him how I felt. He is now devastated and feels like I misled him. I do love him and don't want to totally abandon him. In a few days he'll be undergoing stem cell therapy and will be hospitialized for a few weeks. He told me that hhe and his wife have come to an agreement and that she will be moving out soon. My question is what should I do? Should I stay around and help him through the last stage of his treatment or should I just move on. He makes me feel selfish and guilty for even thinking about moving on. I know that I was wrong to begin with, but now that we're here I really do not know what to do. Please help...