May 08, 2013 - 2:54 am
It has been 2 years, and things are finally settling into place. My iron levels were off but that is fixed and I am forward bound. It is nice to have this healthy life that I have worked so hard on. Every day, I am exercising. I have quit smoking and drinking, so feel like I have a new identity, but I do not really know myself yet. I am single and can't hide behind my spouse, and I am heading home to see my siblings for the first time since the bilateral mastectomy/reconstruction. It has been difficult, I had DCIS throughout my left breast, so decided to get them both done. I sometimes remind myself that I chose this road. But, it is lonely. Most folks do not understand me, or keep a safe distance. It is not because I am a BC posterchild, but I need something new in my life to grab my attention. My family has sent some cards, but not much contact.
I am heading home in 2 weeks. Mixed reviews, so many people will expect to see the same person, but I am different. I do things for myself now. If it is not healthy, I am not down with it. Many of my relatives and friends are unsure as of what to say. I am thinking of letting us just gloss over things, and not go into discussion about the breast cancer. I have not heard from one of my sisters or 16 yr old niece, after the text with my date of my vacation at home. They haven't really written or expressed much empathy. I am somewhat bitter about this but I guess I should just 'let go' and not speak of it. ....or wait until they bring it up. It is hard to pretend this never happened, but maybe that is for the best?
It is my first time home as a survivor. Thank you for your support, you people are a great help.