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3rd surgery done, chemo to begin in mid June

crichardson1962
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2013

1 big lumpectomy, 2nd surgery to get clean margins, 3rd surgery breast oncoplasty so I don't look lopsided the rest of my life. 51 years old, 3 kids, 28 years married to a wonderful man. Happy, Christian, and I found this damn cancer myself after exercising one day. I had begun a strict weight loss program and had just lost 30 lbs in 4 month.

I went in to this with DD so I had plenty to work with to get me down to a large B, small C using my own tissue. I had the drain out today, of course still wearing the oh-so sexy compression bra and tape over my stiches. I was diagonosed late March 2013. ER+ and PR+, along with Herr 2 "equivocal" so I'll do the Hercepton for a year. (Forgive my misspelling, all this is so new. These are words I'm ticked off that I have to know)

I'm petrified to begin chemo. I go between putting on a brave front to absolutley falling apart. I don't want to loose my hair. I don't want to look sick. I don't want to be sick. Life just got good. Kids are happy and out on their own within the past year. Husband and I are fixing the house up. Jobs are great. and then....BOOM! WAM! WACK! I have cancer. 

Anyone ever feel this way? Just mad as Hell?

Patti1967
Posts: 186
Joined: Mar 2013

We have all been mad as hell:)  Chemo is scary for sure I finished my first time this past Dec, lost all my hair from head to toe its growing back, about 2inches or so now.  But I am going to lose it again due to facing chemo again due to now being stage lV with mets to my left lung.  Trust me I am not looking forward to chemo but I want to live and it's my best shot.  You can get through this  and this site will be a GREAT source of info and support:) 

Stay positive and know you can lean on all of us:)

Patti

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

I am so sorry.  I think we've all gotten mad, and, it is good to let it out.  But, then get in the fight mode and fight as hard as you can.  Good luck!  You can get through this and win!

 

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

This many not be what you want to hear, but please, just take it one day at a time.  Try to focus on killing the cancer with whatever treatment you have to do.  We've all been there and know this isn't easy, but, it is doable.  Post and talk to us and let us try and ease this for you. 

Hugs, Jan

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Feeling mad, crying, in shock is the normal for this disease, probably with any disease, but, this is the only one that I, personally, know about.  Ask anyone here and they will tell you  the same.  Just glad you felt you could come here to get it out.  That's one of the good things about here, you can say what you really feel and not be judged.

You will get past this stage eventually.  It all just takes time.  Come here and post as often as you want and get it all of your chest.  We'll listen and help.

Sending lots of hugs,

Megan

Natural Woman
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2013

My surgery was 3 weeks ago and I can't even contemplate getting the port put in and going thru chemo.  I had peace about the surgery but not about chemo.  Maybe we will both find a way to cope with what can't be changed.   It's a rock and a hard place.  It sounds like you have a full and rich life and have a lot to live for.

I am so angry that after decades of cancer research and what must be millions of dollars spent that all we have to offer women is multilation by surgery and poisonous drugs and even then the cancer can reoccur.  IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

When do you start chemo?  We will all be praying for no side effects for you.

Hugs, Angie

Natural Woman
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2013

Millions of dollars spend on decades of research and all they have to offer women is mutilation by surgery followed by poisonous drugs.  And even after enduring all that the cancer can come back.  IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

It sounds like you have a lot to live for with your family.  Maybe we can both find ways to cope before chemo.

My mastectomy was 3 weeks ago and next they want to put in a port for the chemo which has me scared to death.  Talk about a rock and a hard place.

June Bugs
Posts: 169
Joined: May 2013

Wishing all of you good luck on chemo.  It is hard to do but you can do it.

Natural Woman
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2013

Millions of dollars spend on decades of research and all they have to offer women is mutilation by surgery followed by poisonous drugs.  And even after enduring all that the cancer can come back.  IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

It sounds like you have a lot to live for with your family.  Maybe we can both find ways to cope before chemo.

My mastectomy was 3 weeks ago and next they want to put in a port for the chemo which has me scared to death.  Talk about a rock and a hard place.

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

I don't think they want a cure found for cancer and I hate to say that, but, I believe that is true.  Think of all of that money that would be gone if a cure were found.  It's really sad

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

I think when we all are first diagnosed, we go through a mill of emotions.  We go from angry, to sad, to why me, to disbelief, to now what.  You are never alone in how you feel and you're never alone as we're here for you. 

Hugs, Lex

Natural Woman
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2013

Millions of dollars spend on decades of research and all they have to offer women is mutilation by surgery followed by poisonous drugs.  And even after enduring all that the cancer can come back.  IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

It sounds like you have a lot to live for with your family.  Maybe we can both find ways to cope before chemo.

My mastectomy was 3 weeks ago and next they want to put in a port for the chemo which has me scared to death.  Talk about a rock and a hard place.

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

You will be starting chemo soon and I just wanted to wish you more good luck. 

Hugs, JJ

Natural Woman
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2013

Millions of dollars spend on decades of research and all they have to offer women is mutilation by surgery followed by poisonous drugs.  And even after enduring all that the cancer can come back.  IT'S JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

It sounds like you have a lot to live for with your family.  Maybe we can both find ways to cope before chemo.

My mastectomy was 3 weeks ago and next they want to put in a port for the chemo which has me scared to death.  Talk about a rock and a hard place.

Dallastomlins
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2013

Hi everyone, I had a lump in my right breast since Oct. 2012, blew it off because I wanted it to simply be swollen glands. Well, by the last week in March it was painful and more solid, sooo I had an exam which was earlier put WHAM! BAM! BOOM!. My youngest of 3 graduated June 24th, I at least have made it this far. Nothing about my life has been easy and I am independant, self reliant and have even moved my ill mother in with me.i am supposed to be taking care of her not her me ???  My husband is not helpful . Be positive they say, Well I am Trying but it is difficult when they fillet your chest and then give you a hand book for the recently diagnosed. I laughed and said this is like Beatlejuice ! It was like looking at the handbook for the recently deceased oh how insanely funny it seemd to be. I know its not, funny having cancer, feeling like I have to loose my breast, my long blonde hair( that I have always complained about being hot and in my face) I took them for granted. I then get the path reports, results of thevarious tests and the   Oncotype score and my dr. tells me they are gonna throw everything but the kitchen sink at me. I have read so much and learned so much about the one greatest secret fear I have ever had, so afraid of it that I never ever spoke of it happening to me. So here again just as I was getting ready to ease my nose up from the grindstone and take that vacation  or get to enjoy. NOPE so I sucked it up and they removed my right breast by April 18th, by the 25th I was in my yard gardening with a shovel and post hole diggers, yes, it put me down but I got back up gave it a couple of weeks and then when jet skiing the weekend my daughter graduated with a hand full of family and it was a great weekend, the kind that make life worth it..... Yes I was sore but I recovered and decided I will go to work and did for awhile, I am a residential painter and faux finisher, that went well but I said " take it easy my ass" I have to move.  LMAO so I tripped over a dog, of all things can you imagine , I tried to catch myself instinctively with my right arm and the rest of my body hit the floor. For those of you who have been through this you will know that when I extended my arm over and behind me I had to cry. I have six months of chemo ahead starting the 12th and I will really have to adjust. I will not roll over and let this swallow me up ! I did get a shrink and meds for anxiety , its nice to get numb in the midst of all these raging fluxuating emotions. Its all normal though, yeah if you have cancer,,, uhg.. I cried so hard when I had to turn down a job the other day, I love being in business for myself and working my magic ! I am as afraid as the next girl.. I was paralized last week when I approached the door to the drs office. I had to be coached in, by my husband . The story of his help has been a disaster ever since he found out it was a male dr that did the biobsy and was my surgeon, he uses words like butchered, he says he doesnt understand why I have been so lazy lately, AAAHHHH ! I am still keeping a spotless house.. Then we passed the chemo room and he refered to it as it looking like a meat locker with people that look like they are all near death. This is my support partner, hes fired ! lol . I get to angry at him that he makes this all his chrisis. His problemn... I told him he was welcome to leave... I feel like he keeps peeing in my soil. If I dont beat this damn disease for any other reason I will beat it to seek my revenge on his sick old ass one day..... I am too sick to battle him now and will be for a while and I just might accidentally live and even if I dont I swear I am gonna come back as a ghost and jump through the walls just to scare the **** out of him... Ha,lol... Gotta c the positive ! Gotta find fun whereever you are !  Women are strong at least I was forced to learn how to be strong and most of us have something to keep us going......     Sorry yall I really needed to vent 

 

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