May 06, 2013 - 4:55 am
All My Friends,
With the help of the wonderful Hospice group, my Ron was transported to our home Saturday at 2:30 PM. Robert & I rode with him. It was expected that he would expire shortly afterward. However, he managed to hang on until 9:10 AM Sunday. There was no struggle, only my own. He woke as the vent was removed, opened his eyes & said "I am alive". But it was not to be. He returned to sleep immediately and was kept comfortable until his tired body said it was time to go. I believe he knew that we had brought him home. We played his favorite John Wayne movies, held his hands tightly, & talked to him all night. JBG woke & came into the room & cried saying "Please God, why don't you take him home." Ten minutes later he took his final breath. As I am not a person of strong faith as she is, it is very hard to wrap my mind around this, but she & Ron had a special bond, so who am I to question what happened?
I am numb. I know many of you have been here before and in time, we will get through this. I removed every nasty reminder of this terrible illness from my sight. I could not stand to look at all the meds & equipment. I'm hoping they'll get it out of my house tomorrow.
Even though I thought I knew this man so well, I did not realize he had had been saving small amounts of money to help us after he was gone, enough to put a down payment on his funeral. I found it with a small card I had purchased in the hospital gift shop & given to him him after he became so ill six months ago. I would like to share with you the words on this card: I love you as you are. I love you as you will be. I love you because there's this little part of me(my heart)...that tells me that you and I were simply and always meant to be.
I cried when I found this card, for you see, that is what each of us felt for the other. I am proud to have been his wife for forty one years and he will always be in my heart.