May 02, 2013 - 3:27 pm
Finally, we got the doctors final note from the Mayo Clinic and Kyle is a member of the PTCL-NOS family.
To be quite honest, I am feeling really down and depressed today. It started with me waking up and wanting to work out. That turned into me excersing in rage and screaming out of anger, "@$#$^@#$@ CANCER!" All the most terrible things I could think of to say to cancer. WHY?!?!?!
I walked outside and sat with my dog. Yes, I cried. I am crying now again.
I than found my old phone and decided to look through all the pictures from even just last year around this time. WHY?!?!?! Kyle and I were living our lives like normal 22 year olds were suppose to with such hopes and dreams of the future. The least of our problems was figuring out how to make it to through the next month with a couple dollars to save and spend at the movie theater.
We are not bad people :,( Sure we have made bad decisions as young adults would. Maybe drank a little too much in Vegas, was jealous that some people had to too easy and shoot, even upset if we didn't get the grade we wanted in a certain class. Other than that, we were doing and trying to survive like we should at this age.
Now....Cancer. I will never understand this.
I just want my Kyle back. I refuse to let this cancer take him from me. I refuse. I just want to be back last year, sitting beside the pool with a margarita in our hands, talking about school, what we want to have for dinner, laughing about how we first met and what we want to name our children.