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Calling in Hospice

HarleyDog's picture
HarleyDog
Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2013

Exactly 5 months to the day when we were told of my wife's cancer, we have been told they can no longer treat her. Her abdomen started to swell again, and they did an ultra sound. It showed the cancer has taken over most everywhere. We had just started round five of Chemo on Monday and Tuesday. They did let us do infusion for fluids and anti nausea today. It was so hard to say good bye to the Infusion Staff that we worked with for 5 months, and leave there knowing what is ahead. Hospice is coming in the morning since treatment has stopped, and they want us to sign the contract tomorrow to get things started. We are just not ready to give up, but we have no choice as we are now on morphine based everything. her pain is getting so bad. She has fought this so bravely. 

She is only 55 years old, and the end of May we will be married 36 years. I don't want her to go, but I can't stand seeing her in so much pain. Cancer is so cruel. 

Ladylacy
Posts: 464
Joined: Apr 2012

So sorry to hear about your wife.  Hospice will be a great help to you and your wife.  This is a cruel beast and age doesn't matter when it strikes.  You would think that after all this time, a cure would have been found for this beast.  The pain and suffering that all who have this beast is something else.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your wife are coming your way.

Sharon

callerid
Posts: 99
Joined: Dec 2012

I am so sorry you have to go through this.  Ultimately it is her decision. Is she ready to quit fighting?  If so you need to let her know its ok. Before you sign make sure you understand the terms. I have been told this allows Hospice to make all decisions regarding care. Will prayer you find guidance

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1105
Joined: Apr 2010

I am so sorry to hear that your wife’s treatment plan has come to an end. Making a decision about Hospice can be very difficult because to many people it feels like “giving up”. Hospice can provide assistance and relief for your wife that other standard treatment protocols don’t offer. Of course, this needs to be your wife’s decision, but she will be looking to you for support for her decision. Quality of life is a very important part of the decision.

You can take some time to talk to Hospice and take some time over night to talk and make a decision. Of course they want you to sign an agreement so they can begin making your wife comfortable as soon as possible. But you have time to decide at a pace that makes your wife comfortable.  

Best Regards,

Paul Adams

McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/2009 T2N1M0  Stage IIB - Ivor Lewis Surgery  12/3/2009 - Post Surgery Chemotherapy 2/2009 – 6/2009

Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU - Three Year Survivor

 

rose20's picture
rose20
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2011

So sad to hear this...only in treatment for 5 months, what a shock to you both...of course you don't want to let her go and she doesn't want to go herself...Yes, cancer is cruel and ugly!!!!!!

What can I say but to get on my knees in prayer for you both...only 55...my brother was only 54...it all just doesn't seem real...only God knows what this is all about...Hospice is suppose to do all they can to focus in on making her comfortable....I hear they are a help to the whole family...it sounds impossible but God can give peace in the midst of this horror, this is what I will pray for, that she has as less pain as possible and God hold you up to get you through this as this is so horrendous for the caregivers as well.

Praying,

rose

HarleyDog's picture
HarleyDog
Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2013

Her cancer was very wide spread when it was discovered. Originally it was called undifferentiated and it was two weeks later they found the source. Now it is in her liver, ovaries, small intestine, and it is rampant. She has fought bravely, more than I believe I could have. Her Oncologist made the decision that he would not longer provide treatment, and all the chemo we have thrown at it has produced little benefit. Hospice moves quickly as I have found, and I am fortunate to have the group I do here. I have been her only care giver. My employer appears to be supportive,but I am really needing the help Hospice can give us. 

I believe God has a plan for her, and I have been a lucky man to have her with me for 36 years. I would take another 36 years in a heart beat. 

Thank you all for your prayers and support. 

JKGulliver
Posts: 81
Joined: Apr 2013

There are some of us, who have been with our spouses for a long time and I think that always intrigues people.  I have been married for 43 years.  Although my husband is still fighting, I fear the day when we are faced with the situation you now have before you.  We are both lucky to feel that 36 years and 43 years were not enough.  Not many people can say that.

JKGulliver
Posts: 81
Joined: Apr 2013

There are some of us, who have been with our spouses for a long time and I think that always intrigues people.  I have been married for 43 years.  Although my husband is still fighting, I fear the day when we are faced with the situation you now have before you.  We are both lucky to feel that 36 years and 43 years were not enough.  Not many people can say that.

Ucsf_smile's picture
Ucsf_smile
Posts: 81
Joined: Sep 2011

Harley dog,

your wife I'm sure, feels so lucky to have known you and shared her life with you by her side.  As hard as the end is...there is relief in knowing her suffering will end and she can be healthI on the other side. I am so sorry for this and all the other caregivers on here having to say goodbye. I am so sorry.  many of us have been in your shoes and tough.  She's done everything possible and loves you all very much. 

JKGulliver
Posts: 81
Joined: Apr 2013

My heart goes out to you and your wife.  I can feel the grief and pain in your words.  I feel them, too.

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