Apr 24, 2013 - 11:13 am
I havent been on this site for a long time now and kind of try to forget about having esophageal cancer but always helps to read other peoples encouragment and to share my own experience...after nearly 3 years since a stage 4 diagnosis feels like im just numb to the whole thing so i just sort of get up and live my life the best i can...originally my first treatments with chemo and radiation gave me a good year or so with remission but unfortunatley middle of last year i had the ghastly thing turn up in my small bowel so BAM they cut it out,sewed my back together and sent me on my way(thanks again doc,i couldnt have done it without ya!)......ok i can accept that,after all i was told in the begginning that was highly unlikley to be cured...then BAM recurrence back in the main tumour...its like the bloody thing keeps trying to knock me down....geez whats a guy to do?well 6 cycles of heavy chemotherapy for the last few months and im back!Riding my surfboard,riding the bike,enjoying the moments in life i used to take for granted.They say "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" but i say" whatever doesnt kill me just lets me keep on living and living is what i will do for as long as im alive" (im not sure if that makes sense?)hehe.. .the pressure of it all used to nearly make my head explode. At the moment the chemo is keeping it stable and not a day goes by where i dont think of how fortunate i am . I try to put it in my mind that i will live forever but nobody does,all we can do is try to live a fullfilling life with great experiences full of love and happy memorable moments.The hardest thing i have to endure is not having any long term goals anymore,i find it so hard to relate to people that are focusing on the things i used to..such as owning the best car,owning the best house,making money etc ..funny them things dont seem that important anymore. one day i read a quote that said"I dont worry about the future because it comes soon enough"