Apr 21, 2013 - 3:27 pm
The doc ordered a cat scan just before my gallbladder surgery. They found a 1.1 cm complicated cyst/solid mass with an attenuation of 32.5 in my left kidney and a 1.8cm cyst / solid mass on my right kidney with a attenuation of 38HU.
I visited the urologists and cancer was the 5th word out of his mouth after introductions. I actually thought I would have to ask him about cancer, boy was I wrong :) We had a 45 minute conversation about cancer and he scheduled an MRI for a week later. At the end of the conversation, I asked if he thought it was cancer, he gave a 50/50 precentage.
Now I am convinced I have the damn cancer and I found that I want to keep it a secret. I don't want my coworkers and friends pitying me or treating me differently. I have always thought that once it is known that a person has cancer that it takes over his identity. Every conversation with or about him includes cancer. So I'm not saying anything to anyone. Of course my friends at work know something is wrong with the multiple doctor visits and changes in my attitude. Once verrry very very close friend has basically written me off and ceased our closeness because I would not share what was happening to me to her. Now I am really a mess..
What do you do? Do you tell everyone or do you want to keep it secret? To me it is like I want my life to be normal for as long as possible, I do that by being in normal situations which makes me act and feel normal. If I step on your toe I want you to be upset with me, not bite your lip and smile at me for I am sick.
Right now, my wife, mom, boss and the now ex-friend knows. and I want to keep it to those people only. Am I crazy or in denial? Is this unhealthy?
p.s. If these are cancerous, being that I have three small children am I wrong of thinking the safest thing to do is remove both and be happy with dialysis. My new goal is to see my 4 year old turn at minimum 21. I'm not wanting to take any chances on this thing spreading and not letting me attain my goal.
Thanks for any input