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How can I help my dad?

BintNed
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2013

My mama passed away a little over a month ago. Things are settling down. The fridge is no longer full of food that people brought by. We’ve all gone back to school or work. I worry about my dad. Do you have any advice about what I can do to help him? He’s “okay.” He’s functioning. I just want to know how to brighten his days a little bit. I’d appreciate any suggestions. Thanks.

 

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

You are a very sensitive person to be thinking of your dad's grief, while you yourself are grieving, and you are also very wise to inderstand that his grief is different than yours. Your dad needs to grieve in his own time and way. It takes time, lots of time. I have found that in the beginning, after I lost my husband, certain days were harder than others. The month days often hit me hard. That is the day of the month when my husband died. He died on October 20, 2009. Every 20th of the month for about two years were very hard. I can't tell you why, but others here have said that as well. Of course, the holidays are difficult. Birthdays and anniversary days, too. Family gatherings, though I love them, still make me feel my loss more. Often anything you used to do together reminds you of your loss. Getting rid of the other person's stuff can become a problem. Deciding when and how to do this is very personal. Don't push. Just help if you are asked to do so. Right now some things may be a blurr. Concentration may be hard. Contact is important. If you don't live at home, call or visit often. I appreciated talking about my husband, too. Some people may not, but I still remark on things he would have liked or things he would have found funny. I also feel that there is no such thing as closure, or the idea that something will take the  pain of loss away. I do think it mellows in time, but for me the loss will always be there. He was and is part of my life. We raised children together and shared so much. That is what I miss the most, the sharing. Those times when we laughed or cried together. When a look made us smile because we knew what the other person was thinking. Yes, life does go on. We find our way.  Just be there for your dad. Give him lots of hugs. I miss those, too, and appreciate them when I get them from others. Take care of yourself, too. Fay

Patrick72
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2013

Subject says it all. Call him. Invite him over/out to dinner. Depending on how old he is, offer to run errands for him or help around the house. I went through this going on 20 years ago when we lost my mom. The most important thing is that he knows he is not alone in his greif. That being said there may be times when he feels the need to be alone but when he reaches out for support, make sure someone is there for him.

 

Patrick

 

PS: My condolences on the loss of your mother.

Wangari
Posts: 19
Joined: Apr 2011

hi,

2 years ago, i was in the exact same position as you. It's really hard to see your dad sad.  During that time, i moved back home for sometime. Like the others have said, be there for him. Let him know that you are there Call him, take him out. It's the little things that make a difference. 

You cannot fill the void left by your mum, but you can try and make each other happy as a family. We continued doing most of the things that we would do when mum was around. It was hard in teh beginning but now, its a lot easier and it even helps us remember the fun times we had with her. 

lots of hugs for you and your family.

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