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Hosting Vivian

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

People keep telling me I need to go on a trip and get away from all the drama and sadness I feel here in Kentucky.  I have went through my list of potential companions and there is not one that fits this time in my life.  My friends/family in general don't get me.  They have never had this experience and they get very uncomfortable around me.  I can't open up have a melt down then enjoy myself.  People treat me like I have a disease.  My church has been awful to the point I will not be returning.  They had a memorial service for David and did not invite me or any of the family.  It was very hurtful.  I received one card from someone after a week and all it said was the funeral was very comforting to them.  WTF? Sorry it angers me.  My dance studio was sold on Friday to add insult to injury and now I am thinking who want's to host Vivian.  Is there anyone out there who would like to meet me.  I have met my best support on this site. 

VanessaSLO's picture
VanessaSLO
Posts: 280
Joined: Jul 2012

I wish I could live across the ocean... I would love to meet you!!! I know it's terrible when it's very hard to find people who can understand and give the right support. It's absolutely horrible what you hav experienced with people around you. But it's pretty much the same with us... When my Dad was diagnosed there were only a few people who could really understand and give support. A neighbour took my dad to radiations in the end, because our relatives did not show any support at all!! And all in all - treatment for this type of cancer is very hard, and nobody can't really understand what it means to go thru that - except for those people who went thru something like this! And when it is your spouse who is involved it is even harder! I think about you a lot and admire how strong person you are! You're on a perfect way to be ok! I know you will!! A trip would be a great thing for you! If you have time and opportunity then go for it!

I travelled a bit before I had a family: to Yemen, UK, New York, Jordan, around Europe, Greece,... It was all a great experience and it changed my life - it gave me a new perspective. So I think you should do something like that.. Some new places, new people.  You will have a new life again - all doors are open for you!

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian,

You are welcome to come and visit us.. Right now we don't have a kitchen, and we are under construction and I am going to have surgery in 2 weeks... but after,... by the end of May the kitchen will be done and the pool open and hopefully warmer and cleaner than it would be right now. We do live in a resort area so it's a nice place to visit during the summer months.. super quiet during the off season.

Oh and we will have matching neck scars.. but if you can deal with us, we can handle you!

Maybe you should do the CSN circuit.. visit a few of us for several days each.. those would be awesome photos and stories!

Kari

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 429
Joined: Feb 2013

Vivian,

I live in the suberbs od Philadelphia, although currently living with parents since my 2010 divorce, I would love for you to come to this area. I believe a few of us live around here, we could pick a hotel and as many in this area could come and stay, and we would make sure when you left you knew there were people who love and understand you! I agree with Kari, why not try go visit the areas of many of us, I don't think you'll be turned away or a burden to any of us, you are one of us forever!

Love to you sweetness and remember, you may not know it but God does have a plan sweetie, you may have thought that it was Davids faith that was being tested, but it is yours. What his church did was beyond obsence, but try to remember that although they may claim to be representatives of Christ, they re human first and even Jesus got angry(alright not down right disgusting rude) but He did get angry. Remember His strong words on the cross...." Forgive them Father for they know not what they do". Its hard to forget, but not to forgive.

Love,

Rachel

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 429
Joined: Feb 2013

Vivian,

I live in the suberbs od Philadelphia, although currently living with parents since my 2010 divorce, I would love for you to come to this area. I believe a few of us live around here, we could pick a hotel and as many in this area could come and stay, and we would make sure when you left you knew there were people who love and understand you! I agree with Kari, why not try go visit the areas of many of us, I don't think you'll be turned away or a burden to any of us, you are one of us forever!

Love to you sweetness and remember, you may not know it but God does have a plan sweetie, you may have thought that it was Davids faith that was being tested, but it is yours. What his church did was beyond obsence, but try to remember that although they may claim to be representatives of Christ, they re human first and even Jesus got angry(alright not down right disgusting rude) but He did get angry. Remember His strong words on the cross...." Forgive them Father for they know not what they do". Its hard to forget, but not to forgive.

Love,

Rachel

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

LOL, just teasing, but if you ever make it to Florida, my wife and I would be glad to show you around and spent a little down time with you... Growing up in Ohio, I can see how depressing Kentucky could be, LOL..., sorry, I'm on a roll today.

Actually Kentucky has some beautiful country....

Just throwing this out there as a way for you to interact with some people.... I'm not sure where you are educational wise, or if it's even an option due to expense and loaction... But have you thought of taking a few college classes, or just classes in general..., a class involving something you like, a hobby, etc...

I find that a class, especially something I like gets me going, and if it is something I like, more than likely there are others in the class that you have a bond with. A way to communicate and share good feelings without any outside pressures or expectations...

Anyways, just me thinking out loud...

John

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

My house is tiny and we're all under each others noses but you are always welcomed here!
I can't believe how badly your church "family" has treated you! I don't blame you for finding a new church to call home.
Until you find where you are going to go on your little trip to visit some of us you should find a new dance studio too. Dancing is amazing for the soul.
Sending you the biggest of hugs.
Billie

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 837
Joined: Aug 2012

Vivian....Not sure if Michigan would be a place you'd like to visit, but it would be great to meet you! I am in the middle of the Thumb of the Great Lakes Mitten. It is not especially warm here, but we do have beautiful lakes, beaches, and parks. I would be honored to have you come here...however I don't have any vacation time for weekdays available, but do have weekends available. 

Another thought would be to pick a state that is closest to all of us....maybe some could meet up in a particular state??

And I completely agree with Rachel's thoughts on your church and the people that believe they are part of it. It took me some years to find the church I'm comfortable with...Don't give up.

~C

 

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

So far ther road trip is Florida, Michigan, Idaho and California ....you just need a ffew more states in between and you got it!!

Always welcome here  in McCall ....but be warned.....it's so beautiful here you may never leave!!!!!  You and my wife can hang out ...turkey season is in so I have another reason to be back out in the woods!!!!!Sealed  It's been two weeks since any season has been open and I have been putzing around like a lost kid around the house.....

 

Tim

 

Funny story...yesterday I went out to sight my rifle, while shooting I heard a turkey....off I went in the direction of the noise ...bad thing is it's a school night and I had my 12 year old son with me and I got so excited I ran off with him and the dog in tow and did not bring my survival pack, left it in the truck.  I'm not sure how far we went ...but realized it was getting dark....I finally get out of the woods at about dark thirty and when I get to where the cell has reception my wife is all over the cell phone (been calling) and mad as a hornet!!!  Ooops.  Bless her heart...she had every right to be mad...so I just made my way home and came in silent and tail tucked inEmbarassed ....my son too ...we both knew to speak no words....lol...but she still fed us bacon and eggs kept warm ....  Sealed

 

Make a road trip Vivian ....if anything here with us it's loud and crazy ....five kids, wild country ......small town of 3,000 .....never a dull moment with my crew.....and our church is great!!  I think you would like our church!!

You can view our little town and my posse on fb ..not sure if the link will work...but you are welcome to try

https://www.facebook.com/timothyblahblahblah?ref=tn_tnmn  

Tim

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

We are just on Shore behind Absecon Island, home of Atlantic City.  Some of the worlds best beaches!

 

Kari

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

Here you go..., a map to where most of us call home...;

CSN ~ Where In The World Are You...

JG

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 810
Joined: Mar 2011

Great Idea !!

Vivian, use John's map and you can plan your trip !

Remember, I am in Chicago and the door is open.

Ingrid, hubby Ted and dog, Barney

 

 

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2233
Joined: Jan 2010

i'm n cincinnati.  not a pretty place but you're welcome anytime, friend.

God bless,

debbiejeanne

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

Well you do have Kings Island...

and of course WKRP, LOL....

Haven't been there in awhile, last time was across a double decker bridge...

JG

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

Just because I'm curious, what is the significance of the different colored pins on the map. Most of them seem to be blue and some are pink so at first I figured male or female but then I noticed a few other colors.
Billie

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

LOL, actually it started off that way, but then I threw a few special symbols in for certain people... Then I just started mixing the colors up a bit.

Other than that no significance...

JG

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

Cool....just so you know...my favorite color is purple haha
Billie

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

You know, you are one of those "special" persons that have a different icon..., you wanting me to change it to a purple one, LOL...

If you double click that map (in your area), it will expand it...

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

I'm the sailboat?! I love it!
Billie

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1098
Joined: Jan 2013

Vivian,

Marcia and I live in the Shenandoah Valley, VA. We can see the Shenandoah National Park from our front steps and the Skyline Drive is literally a mile from our driveway. The Valley and the surrounding mountains offer plentiful peaceful settings and sights. We have a spare room and a very socially oriented Pixie Bob :) You'd be more than welcomed. 

"T"

Ginadet
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2012

Vivian

You may wonder "Who is this?"   I have been a silent member who has followed your every move on here and CaringBridge!  You are such an inspiration and I could only hope that I could be as brave if faced with a similar situation.  You are always welcome to come and visit here in Stone Mountain, Georgia, and if, at anytime you want to go further afield than where is being offered to you I can make that happen for you as I am in travel :)  

The support (even if you did not know you were supporting me) on this forum is the best and I have been cheering and crying along with you all.  Smile

Gina

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Now all I have to do is get over my fear of long drives (lol).  I bought a brand new Honda Accord at David's encouraging so I know the car is in great condition.  In theory travelling would be great, just worry about doing it alone.  I've never went anywhere alone.  I've always had kids or a husband to travel with.  I am a good driver, but I am prone to anxiety.  I am so honored that so many of you are willing to host me in this time in which I never know from minute to minute whether I will be laughing or crying.  I just feel the need to be with people who have been supportive of me.  I am tired of having to filter everything as not to make people uncomfortable.  The truth is I am so very sad I lost the love of my life.  Sad that he won't be here for our first anniversary on May 12.  Sorry that we can't hold hands or ever kiss again.  I miss him praying (sometimes for hours) and loving me so much that even I could feel it.  So I guess what I am saying in this mess of a post is I miss DAVID. 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3601
Joined: Mar 2012

if you ask the hundreds of thousands of tourists who come here every year Smile.  Where I live sports Glacier National Park (30 miles away), Flathead Lake (biggest natural lake west of the Mississippi and 9 miles away), the Bob Marshall Wilderness (30 miles away), Big Mountain (15 miles)...just saying there is a LOT of stuff here for summer time fun.  Winter doesn't end until the middle of May, and summer finally arrives around the 1st of July....we have horses and of course sweet Lola.

As for the driving?  I am a nervous ninny driving long distances....what I've learned over the years is the worst part is before I leave....once on the road my hands sweat and I'm hyper-vigilent, then.....it becomes a relaxed ride.   If you go to Tim's or up here, you don't even have to worry about freeways....the biggest we have is four lanes...LOL.

We know you miss David....that his passing has left a huge hole in your heart.  It's always the little things that make that hole...I sure don't understand that church, but say good riddence to them...they are a very strange bunch if you ask me.  As far as family and friends go....yes, they may feel uncomfortable, but it's in the same way they do about us having cancer.  They'd love to help, but don't know how or what to do.  Forgive them....

p  

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Maybe I should fly to the west coast, rent a car and drive up the coast meeting as many of you as I can.  I could stay in a hotel so I wouldn't want to impose, but I sure would love to meet you face to face.  Of course John I do Florida as often as possible so I am hoping we will meet soon as well.  Kari it's not too much to fly up your way so maybe after your kitchen is complete and you are all healed we can get together and maybe have a drink and laughs in person.  Thank you for talking with me on the phone and listening to me struggle to keep my composure.  You are a God send.

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian,

Great idea! When ever I have gone on vacation and driving, I have found it was much cheaper to rent a car for a week or two rather than take my own. If there's breaks down, they bring you to a new one, ready to go, not much of delay.

I once on a trip to Florida, had to fly my first husband, my two boys and my babysitter (who had never flown before) all home, and I had a bad head cold, not a fun way to fly. By the time my ears could hear again 3 weeks later - had to fly back down to NC and drive it home - with a new engine in it.. Since then I rent em! Superb Idea!

And I like the idea you come back here after the west coast.. I want to see the photos!

And yes, please come visit, I have a couple guest rooms.. I make a mean margarita :) and we will sit outside, listen to the ocean and giggle. By then I might be able to take a few days off and vacation with you!

Hugs,

Kari

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2233
Joined: Jan 2010

vivian, not knowing if ur gonna cry or laugh is to be expected.  we have big shoulders and lots of room for tears.  its quite ok if u want to cry.  we will cry with you.  i'm just sorry that you have to be so sad and alone.  your anniv will be hard on you so lean on us.  we will be there for u in spirit.  my home number is 513-931-6693, please call anytime u want 2 talk.  i'm a good listener.  i'll warn u tho, i will definitely cry with you.  that's ok, it will be good for both of us.  i do hope u will take a trip and visit some of the people here.  it is probably the best thing you can do for u right now.  u r loved and it would be good 4 u to be around people who sincerely care about you.  u won't have to worry about making anyone uncomfortable.  u could just b urself.  please think seriously about it.  take care of urself and hang in there.

God bless you,

dj

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2809
Joined: May 2012

Vivian,

 

Don’t forget “Big Ole Oregon”.  Like Kari, our house is always under some kind of construction, but we have a finished backyard and nice summer weather.

 

So it is settled, you will parachute in sometime this summer.  I will give you our number so you can give us a heads-up call just before you land.

 

Always Welcome Here,

 

Matt

Pumakitty's picture
Pumakitty
Posts: 653
Joined: Mar 2010

You are welcome to come visit me.  It is crazy at my house right at this moment.  Dad is home form rehab and needs 24/7 care.  We have home health calling and coming in every day and I am trying to work.  But you are welcome any time. 

 

Kathy

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1824
Joined: Jun 2012

Yep, that's about it for STL but we could do it together as I have never been. Maybe we should all pack a bag and go to North Dakota, according to John's map, it looks like a worry free state.

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3601
Joined: Mar 2012

Cry  I'd have to take up pin space with Stacey and Gib...(and since I'm writing, I might mention they are both great people....very humorous duo).

p

staceya's picture
staceya
Posts: 700
Joined: Jan 2010

Usually I am a pin-head. But I am happy to be a pin mate with you and Gib.

Do you have skype-ability? I have a 2001 (you read that correctly) dell, so I am guessing no.

Vivian, would love to see you, you could visit us both, and then head West. I wonder if you visited us all, your longest drive wouldn't be that long.

PS..John if we all are sharinga pin, can we be a special one?

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

Great idea..., never thought about the few instances where several are in the same area...

I need to work on the map... It only shows a specific number of pins... Once you go over, they don't show up, even if they're on the list.

JG

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

I am ashamed to admit that our house is so run down that we did not even invite my step-daughter in. We met in a hotel. Our house is just too sloopy. Just Purely Ashamed.

sassysrice's picture
sassysrice
Posts: 117
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian you are so welcome to come and have a rest and some fun on Olde Cape Cod. I know it's a long way from Kentuky, but the Cape has some great beaches and the great whites should be back soon.

You will always have friends and support here. We all care about each other and we understand the "melt down" times. We all have them.

Hang in there and remember David is watching out for you.

Hugs and love Sue

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1561
Joined: May 2011

Vivian, I know how you feel. My family and friends don't seem to understand either, other than my sister Rita who lost the love of her life to lung cancer after a short time married. I have always been able to call her and cry, laugh, what ever any time of day or night. She had a stroke on Easter and I have missed being able to talk with her. I understand the anxirty on the drive, my step daughter has the same problem and I have had to drive her several times. If Jim, my Husband was not still battling the beast I would come drive you to Florida. My husband is from Corbin, Kentucky and we live in Daytona Beach area so we are used to the drive. I pray for your church and pastor. How can you have a memorial for some one and not invite the family. Unbelievable. I get a pain in my heart when I think about your loss. My the Lord hold you close.

Debbie 

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