CSN Login
Members Online: 16

Still Dancing with NED *^*

MsGebby's picture
MsGebby
Posts: 659
Joined: Oct 2011

I was lead into the exam room followed by 3 doctors and a student.  Talk about frightening!  But NED is still doing the cha cha with me.  NO METS, no arthritis ... only a fractured rib where most of my pain is. I've no clue how I fractured a rib.  She asked me if I was hit or was in a car accident.  I said "I know my memory is suspect these days but I think I would remember THAT".  Laughing  Doc did say that I need to get back to my GI doctor.  I have symptoms that mimic gallbladder problems.  This has been an ongoing discussion between a few doctors.  I am also limping because of pain in my hip.  I have to make an appointment with my ortho doc too.  

My doc made me promise to get any and all pains checked when it becomes too much for me to tolerate.  She says not to wait 4 weeks!  LOL .... but that's me.  I figure my aches and pains come with age.  OH well.

The social worker I saw a few weeks ago came in to see me also.  She was upset that I don't seem to want to take care of the pain issues.  She started asking questions about my past.  I did paint her a partial picture last time and she wants to continue the discussion. I had a horrible childhood (abuse to the 100th degree) and her feelings are ... I suffer from PTSD.  I was shocked to hear this.  I mean, I did have therapy and hospitalizations when I was in my early 30s due to memories/flashbacks.  All of a sudden, these memories are surfacing again.   While we were talking, it dawned on me as to why these memories are back.  I've been very involved in my dad's move and getting him settled in his new place.  The place is loaded with pics of my mother (perpetrator), things she loved, clothing, etc.  AND Dad will often break down because he misses her.  It feels like I've been transported back in time.  A time I shouldn't go back to!  The social worker also believes that I had close to no support during my cancer and treatments. (she would be right on this one)  I've been questioning the HOWs and WHYs lately (concerning the cancer) and have felt frustration and anger.  She says that my brain can't take anymore and I need help to get back to my old self.

OMG ... You'd think that after 57 years I would be able to move on.  I feel stupid somehow.  But I know it's just the little girl in me who is not understanding what's going on.

Sorry for the lengthy note.  I just wanted to let you know how my day went.  IT WAS PERFECT!  I am still on a 3 month check up schedule though.  Darn it!  

Have any of you felt frustration/anger a year or more AFTER treatment ended?  Just asking ...  

 

Love to you all ..

xoxo

Mary

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2292
Joined: Jun 2010

Glad to hear this news, Mary.  Please take care of the social issues and the other physical issues.  Sounds like you really got lots of attention today and lots of folks wanting to be sure you're well taken care of.   Now you must take care of you and follow up.

Just so happy NED is still on the dancefloor!

Suzanne  

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2159
Joined: Jun 2010

I also am happy that there is no cancer.  Take care of the other issues, Mary.  I agree with Suzanne on this one also.

More later, Time for bed,

 

Doris

lintx's picture
lintx
Posts: 456
Joined: Sep 2012

 

Take care of yourself, Mary.  I'm sure the rib is very painful.  I wonder how you stood it this long.  So happy to hear about NED!  Hugs, Linda

Josie21
Posts: 344
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Mary,

This has to be my 10th time logging in to see if you had results to share.  I was getting a little nervous.  Needless to say, I am soooooooo happy for you!  NED, how fantastic is that.  I am sorry about that rib, but it will heal.  Now Mary it is time to take care of your emotional well being.  I think you and I have something not so good in common.  When I was diagnosed my counselor said the shock of the diagnosis truly threw my emotions out of whack.  For me, all those things from the past that I did not want to think about came surging back.  In my case it caused me to go into a serious depression.  I am such a people pleaser and I never ever put myself first.  Believe it or not, the first thing I said when I heard I had breast cancer was, 'this is going to kill my mother'.  Crazy, right. Well Mary, it is time to release the past. If you want to give yourself the best chance of staying NED forever, you must keep your mind and body strong. I know going to a counselor helped me out tremendously and I urge you to do the same.  I think she saved my life even more than my surgeon or oncologist.  Me addressing my past issues was the only good thing that came out of having breast cancer. I am so happy for your good news today, but frustration and anger will only go away when you let your past go.  I think painful childhood memories are just like cancer.  They eat away at our insides, but we usually look just fine to the outside world.

Again, congrats on being NED! 

Hugs,

Ginny

aisling8's picture
aisling8
Posts: 1270
Joined: Feb 2010

Mary,

That's good news. You've had a long road to this dance with NED. I hope you can resolve your emotional stuff and reach peace (I know, easier said than done:)

xoxo

Victoria

dthompson's picture
dthompson
Posts: 149
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Mary

I'm so glad your scans came back good. I know that is a big load off of your mind. I wish I could help witht he other issues but I can only say that if you truely have PTSD do to your childhood there are wonderful conselors who can help. I was one of the few lucky ones who did not suffer from PTSD after numerous tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, but I had many of my Marines who did. They got the help they needed and are now doing great. There is no shame in asking for help. Just like cancer, PTSD can be devistating  if not treated. God bless. We are always here to talk or vent when you need to.

 

Dennis 

VickiSam's picture
VickiSam
Posts: 8271
Joined: Aug 2009

Great news ...  dancing with NED, now that is an added bonus! 

We worried, wait, and then freak out often when it comes to our health == I don't know why,  I feel we want to wait to see if our bodies will go back into a nature rhythm of running on its own I guess.

Please know that we love you and you are a part of our family -- so we worry along with you, ALWAYS.

Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

Vicki Sam

MsGebby's picture
MsGebby
Posts: 659
Joined: Oct 2011

I've shed so many tears from reading all the supportive responses from you all.  OMG ... how did I get so lucky?  

I agree with Ginny that our pasts can be like cancer in and of itself.  It just eats away at you even though you feel you've dealt with it and it is no longer an issue.  I was surprised to hear my LICSW say "PTSD".  But I am getting adjusted to the fact that I have suffered for so long and need to figure out a way to put this sh*t to bed ...once and for all.  It makes me angrier thinking that my mother can still get to me.  She passed 13 years ago!  

I saw my endocrinologist today and he said I seemed depressed.  I don't think I am.  I am just feeling a bit down because of all the crap I've been dealing with for the past 2 years.  Transferring within the company I worked for, falling and breaking bones and tearing tendons soon after, being fired because of my fall and injuries, hearing that I have cancer, having lung nodules watched and watched and watched, radiation treatments, learning I have asthma, learning I have diabetes and now .... PTSD.  This is all within 18 months.  I should be institutionalized!   WOW!  What a mess.  He did prescribe Cymbalta but I don't think I want to take it.  It is used for depression AND peripheral neuropathy.  I read that the interaction with Tamoxifen is not good.  It can lessen the effects of Tamoxifen on estrogen.  Just shaking me head here.   I just think I need someone to talk to who can help me put my thoughts back into a positive light.

ANYWHO .... I am thrilled to be out from under that dark cloud of suspicion for mets.  YAY ME!  My hip hurts like holy hell but I will keep dancing with NED for as long as NED is around!

xoxo

M

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network