Apr 16, 2013 - 10:04 pm
I was lead into the exam room followed by 3 doctors and a student. Talk about frightening! But NED is still doing the cha cha with me. NO METS, no arthritis ... only a fractured rib where most of my pain is. I've no clue how I fractured a rib. She asked me if I was hit or was in a car accident. I said "I know my memory is suspect these days but I think I would remember THAT". Doc did say that I need to get back to my GI doctor. I have symptoms that mimic gallbladder problems. This has been an ongoing discussion between a few doctors. I am also limping because of pain in my hip. I have to make an appointment with my ortho doc too.
My doc made me promise to get any and all pains checked when it becomes too much for me to tolerate. She says not to wait 4 weeks! LOL .... but that's me. I figure my aches and pains come with age. OH well.
The social worker I saw a few weeks ago came in to see me also. She was upset that I don't seem to want to take care of the pain issues. She started asking questions about my past. I did paint her a partial picture last time and she wants to continue the discussion. I had a horrible childhood (abuse to the 100th degree) and her feelings are ... I suffer from PTSD. I was shocked to hear this. I mean, I did have therapy and hospitalizations when I was in my early 30s due to memories/flashbacks. All of a sudden, these memories are surfacing again. While we were talking, it dawned on me as to why these memories are back. I've been very involved in my dad's move and getting him settled in his new place. The place is loaded with pics of my mother (perpetrator), things she loved, clothing, etc. AND Dad will often break down because he misses her. It feels like I've been transported back in time. A time I shouldn't go back to! The social worker also believes that I had close to no support during my cancer and treatments. (she would be right on this one) I've been questioning the HOWs and WHYs lately (concerning the cancer) and have felt frustration and anger. She says that my brain can't take anymore and I need help to get back to my old self.
OMG ... You'd think that after 57 years I would be able to move on. I feel stupid somehow. But I know it's just the little girl in me who is not understanding what's going on.
Sorry for the lengthy note. I just wanted to let you know how my day went. IT WAS PERFECT! I am still on a 3 month check up schedule though. Darn it!
Have any of you felt frustration/anger a year or more AFTER treatment ended? Just asking ...
Love to you all ..