Apr 04, 2013 - 6:58 am
Hey everyone, pray this finds all of you well.
I was just wondering if any of you have had issues with your family/friends, & how do you deal with them? I don't want to be rude or mean, but some of it is starting to really bother me & I don't need the added stress of that on top of everything else. Keep in mind I'm still not officially diagnosed with lymphoma regardless of the PET scan I had showing hypermetabolic activity in 8 very enlarged lymph nodes because the ONE node they removed from my armpit was clear. And I was shot down for the 2nd opinion when Moffitt told me FL Cancer Specialists is an affiliate of theirs so they'd back them up on whatever treatment they'd recommend. So I'm in limbo until June unless something changes significantly before then.
Anyway, my mom started out in the beginning telling me don't do chemo "because chemo killed your brother". I can't exactly tell her "no, stage 4 lung cancer was going to do that on its own with or without the chemo" because that would be cruel. So I kept my mouth shut. Her most recent rant is that my brother didn't have lung cancer, it was in his lymph nodes & that the strain of cancer he had can't be detected in blood tests, yadda yadda. (They did gamma knife radiation on his brain, & radiation on his 2 lung tumors along with chemo. Never a word about his lymph nodes.) Then there are the family members who harass me about going to see an herbalist. I'm not against herbalists, but I'm more worried about getting an official diagnosis right now. And my favorite: those who, every time something new pops up with me-mass on ovary, inconclusive mammogram, etc., there's a family member who had that type of cancer & each time it's the SAME family member lol. (Yes, so far my grandmother has had spinal cancer, ovarian cancer, & cancer in the lymph nodes around her lungs) Someone who claims she is my "best friend" NEVER calls/texts me, if I'm not the one making contact then there's no contact at all & since this whole thing started in Feb I've kind of backed away from chasing after people who don't care enough to recognize that friendship is a two-way street. I know that it's bad to withdraw from people when you go through stuff like this, but I just don't have the energy to chase people right now. We haven't been very close in the months prior anyway, but she somehow tends to look for drama & makes everything about her--including my ER visit on 2-14-13. She texted me while I lying in a hospital bed waiting for my CT results & demanded to know why I didn't tell her I was going to the ER. I told her I wasn't going to ruin anyone's Valentine's Day by making them come sit in the ER with me, so I didn't call anyone. She said she was going to kick my arse for not calling her, & when she got there AFTER the doctor said I had spots on my lung and enlarged lymph nodes & it could be lymphoma, she still proceeded to make a scene about me not telling her I was going to the ER. I'm sorry, but even if she was genuinely upset that I didn't call her it should have been dropped as soon as the doctor gave me that heart stopping news. She saw what I went through with my brother 7 months prior, she should have let it go. And I haven't heard from her at all since then, not once has she checked in to see how I'm doing.
So what do you do, to tell these people that while you respect their advice/opinions they are overwhelming you & they need to back off. Or how do you stand up to the "sometimes friends" when they want to start drama rather than offer you moral support through one of the most stressful times in your life? And how do you do all of this in a nice way, because I'm a very non-confrontational type of person lol. All they're doing right now is adding to my stress & Lord knows I don't need anymore of that!
Sorry to write another novel, I really didn't intend to. Thank you in advance for your responses, you guys are all wonderful!