Mar 31, 2013 - 4:12 am
I was hoping to gain some perspective of what my girlfriend is going through. After her diagnosis, she wanted me to move on with my life and did not want to hold me back. I told her I loved her and was not going anywhere. She had surgery, started chemo and our relationship was going really well. Chemo was tough on her but radiation was tougher. At this point , 8 months after diagnosos, she told me she could not handle a relationship, that the radiation was emotionally draining, along with being a mother, working, etc. I gave her the space she needed and after radiation ended she told me the stress and pressures of everything has not allowed her to have feelings for me. I knew my friendship is what she needed at this moment and that it also was all she could give. She thanked me for my patience and over the next two month, we became close again, talking quite a bit and enjoying each other. Just recently though, her body, as she describes it, has been going through a lot of changes, including fatigue. These are changes that have caused her personal issues to deal with, for which she said she cannot talk to me about. She said they were issues she could talk to with a close girlfriend, if anyone and i did not pursue it further. Along with this, she again became distant, short and somewhat cold. During this time though, she maintained a very active social life with her friends.(Bday parties, dinner, etc). She alwsys kept busy, even in treatment. It was a distraction for her. Throughout her treatment, she never wanted to talk much about cancer or how she was feeling emotionally or physcially. She felt it made her look weak. As such, it was and is hard for me to understand the complexaties of what she is feeling when i receive simple answers to these complex issues. Concerned and confused, I asked her if she was ok.... and about us. She told me her feelings for me were no longer there are she did not want a relationship, with me or anybody. She did not want the structure of a relationship. She then said she didnt want me to miss out on someone or something while waiting around for her to feel this again, if she even feels again, and told me I should be dating other people. She thought that was fair. I know what those words mean but coming from a survivor who outlook on life has changed, does it mean the same thing? Has she moved on and just trying to be nice about it or are her words true and she is just feeling guilt from holding me back? As in, she does not want the pressure and burden of knowing if and when she will be ready again but is not closing the door that it wont happen. This way it becomes my choice and relieves her guilt.
Am I being naïve to even think the latter or do I need to take her words at face value and move on with life?
I know this is a tough subject matter , but I was hoping all of those fighting this wicked illness might be able to help me understand a little better.