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Andrew and anyone else who may be hesitant to post once treatments cease ...

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

Sometimes one might feel as Andrew stated in a previous post ... "I feel my poor prognosis does not help those who are still battling with this disease"...

I have thought about this as well. I also sometimes wonder about the term survivor and the the other war-like military terms associated with a cancer diagnosis and treatment. One "battles" cancer, is "at war" with cancer, they need to "kill" cancer, one is encouraged to "keep fighting" etc.  My husband and I have personally never liked or used the war metaphors, but that preference lies within each person and obviously whatever gives strength and courage works.

But back to my original thought ... 

I think that even newcomers do not in their heart shield themselves from the possibility of death from their diagnosis.  It seems, at least to me, possible to have both hope that one will live and also accept the possibility of death. Since we all ultimately share the same journey of physical demise, being allowed to witness the courage and transformation of those for whom treatment has ceased to be effective seems an honor.  I listen and try to learn from them.  

If anyone is ever hesitant to post to this forum once treatment is ineffective and they know that their disease will ultimately result in their death ... consider the simplest definition of a cancer "survivor" that I could find:

A cancer survivor is a person with cancer of any type, current or past, who is still living. 

Best to one and all. -- C

janderson1964
Posts: 1497
Joined: Oct 2011

Very well put. BTW I like the new avatar.

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

and the post. -- C

barbebarb's picture
barbebarb
Posts: 464
Joined: Oct 2011

Love your post and new avatar.

Well said.

Barb

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

I also always enjoy looking at yours as well, inspiring. -- C

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2170
Joined: Oct 2011

Well-said, Cynthia.  The forum reflects life with cancer, and there are many parts of that life that are difficult.  But I hope we all feel like we can share our experiences honestly here.

 

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

I was hoping that the post would generate a bit of thought about this as I have heard others say that they feel they become a less vital part of the community and the ole keep fighting comment often is not what is needed.  Your comments to Andrew on the other post were very touching. -- C

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1277
Joined: Jan 2013

It breaks my heart when I read posts of either the passing of a member here, or one whose acceptance of what may shortly come, but I try not to ignore those posts. 

True, when I am washed out with fatigue and my emotions are so close to the surface, I will not read these posts, but I come back to them when I am more emotionally stable.

Everybody needs support. The cancer stage 1 through stage 4.  I realize that the forum is dominated by stage 4, who have basically struggled for years with treatments, and when their time comes close, I believe they need us even more. 

Love is such a powerful emotion. I love those here who I may never meet personally, and even though I gain much in information to help me with my journey, I feel my main reason is to love and support everyone.

SUE

 

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

It is very odd when one reaches this stage of the cancer journey. I never knew before my husband and I got to this point ... that, at least for us, we focus more than ever on life and not death.  We have abandoned the far-away future but it is still a great life as odd as that sounds ... there simply is still love and laughter and life even amidst the sadness and pain.  Maybe that is what I would want to tell anyone who fears being where we are now. As heartbreaking as it might seem to the outside world ... to us at least, it doesn't feel like a battle has been lost, it doesn't feel like we have given up a fight, and it doesn't feel like cancer has won.  Just some thoughts. -- C  

 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4266
Joined: Jun 2009

But, from my observations, I get the innate sense from listening to the folks that have posted, that since they find themselves at a juncture in the fight where treatments are no longer effective...that perhaps there is sense that contributing to the forum would no longer have any relevance to new members based on their own personal fight with cancer.

OR

Maybe, they are working on the Path of Acceptance and just feel that their posts would not be helpful.

I would imagine it could come down to having this vague sense of transitioning and knowing that....and then how that would make you feel as you tried to help others. Hearing others succeed while your story is written differently has to affect you....making you glad for them...and sad for you. 

Over time, it might just feel like you're hung out in between the two worlds...you want to talk but feel hesitant and decide against it...

I really think that folks don't want to post too much about this, because they feel that it would be detrimental to the community at large...and that people would lose hope.  But, I think that is a mistake and robs us all of a special time in that person's life...that They and Us need to both share and participate in.    The only way to know cancer is to talk about cancer on all levels. 

I've put myself here many times before, but I was not on the brink...I mean the real brink....close to the edge, but still not the same.  I spent the whole last chapter of my book talking about the end of life scenario and what it would feel like at the various stages.  I guess I was exploring it more for myself, so I could put down some tangible thoughts to try and understand how myself or someone else would feel.   

If someone does post subjects like that, I know we'd all read it...some might not know how to respond, but they would read.  There would always be someone who would respond one way or the other.  I don't think there is an aversion to these posts or topic...it's a cancer board...most of the subjects are tough....and this is a very tough one.

What I've always found interesting are the insights of the folks who are on the last stage and willingly post their thoughts and expressions.  I know I've personally learned a great deal from the folks that have passed and shared.  I think hearing that can do nothing but help all of us....whether it were sheer terror....or a calm acceptance....and how you took it from end to the other. 

We only truly learn by another's example...that's the guidepost that shows us the way...that's the compass we try and set our direction after.

I've written my last post to the group many times in my head...I don't know what my process would be...but somehow, I'd want to be sharing with this group until I drew my last breath....in fact, my last breath typing a post or response to the group would be the last best thing I could do. 

Good stuff!

Andrew, we do hope to hear more out of you.  We all learn through each other's examples.  Even if there was no technical info or anything, I'm sure just the support and hearing from folks would have some kind of therapeutical healing for you....and us too:)

-Craig

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 473
Joined: Mar 2012

Believe it or not those are the first posts I read because from them are some of the bravest people I have ever seen. 

They have been through just about everything yet still take the time to share. 

Everyone's experience is different and sometimes it may guide or help someone.

 

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 642
Joined: Jan 2010

I just really wanted those who may be past the active treatment stage, perhaps out there reading, but not posting ... I wanted to encourage them that comfort can always be found here and not to think that they should fear concerning newcomers simply because their journey has transitioned past treatment ... Best to all -- Cynthia  

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7864
Joined: Aug 2005

Whether it be because the cancer was beaten back, or the body has said "Enough!"....

 

But, IMHO, we are family, and, as family, should share whatever we are comfortable with.  I get inspiration from very different sources...not only the ones who have "made it" to NED, but also from those who have found comfort and strength in going forward without all the treatment, and the side effects, and all the rest...

 

I said a looooong time ago, and I still believe it, that as we welcome new friends, and celebrate their successes, we are obligated to also share their times of trial, and also the respect in the final moments when we must say "Tot Seins" (Dutch for "until we meet again").....

BIG hugs to all of us!!!!

Hugs, Kathi

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