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VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

The doctor just came in and said the plasma cell leukemia is back. We have two oThe doctor just came in and said the plasma cell leukemia is back. We have two options go to hospice where David may have a few weeks. Do the radiation then go to hospice and he may have a little longer or do the radiation and the chemo which may give him more time but he is still not expected to be here for the holidays. 

I don't like any of these options, but when I look at him I know he is dying. I've begged God on several occasions to spare him. My heart hurts. I don't know where to go from here. I just hope David helps me make this decision. 

katenorwood
Posts: 1812
Joined: May 2012

Vivian,

As I type my response I try to hold back the tears.  I don't have the proper response for you.  You're right this should be Davids decission, if he's able to make it.  I'm sure the two of you have discussed some of life's issues...not all.  This all hit you both like a steam roller.  Know that your love for David will lead you in the right direction, and trust in it.  My thoughts and prayers will continue for you both Vivian, and a giant cyber hug sent with these.   Katie

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2303
Joined: Jan 2010

Viv, i'm so sorry to hear this.  was praying for a miracle.  now i prayer for you and your hubby to find peace and comfort in your faith.  thinking of u both.

God bless,

deb

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 432
Joined: Feb 2013

Viv,

As I sit here with tears rolling down my face I wish there was something I could do to lift this from you. For some reason that you don't understand, God wants David home. I think if you ask David some how he will convey what he wants to do, the hard part for you is to put aside what you want, and let him know whatever decision he makes you support. Sometimes people hang in there as long as they can for their spouse.

I just don't know what to say besides I am soooo sorry, and my heart is broke for you. Please turn to God and let Him hold you.

My prayers and thoughts are with you,

Rachel

Pumakitty's picture
Pumakitty
Posts: 653
Joined: Mar 2010

This post broke my heart.  I am so sorry that you and david are going through this.  Please know I am praying so hard that you find some comfort in the time the two of you have left.

 

Kathy

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1106
Joined: Jan 2013

Vivian,

One finds it difficult to express in words the sorry that is felt hearing your news. I've lost loved ones and friends but never faced the loss of a spouse. As I read your words and those that responded thus far, I echo those sentiments and my thoughts and prayers will be with you. Rachel said it best in that perhaps this is his time. You said you begged God to spare him. Maybe He is doing just that. Know that your love for him is the best medicine available. 

Thoughts and prayers.

"T"

Ladylacy
Posts: 464
Joined: Apr 2012

I say the same as what others have already said.  Believe me, I know how hard this is for you.  All the options and none of what you want to hear.  Let David decide what he wants to do.  Your love will help him.  As I watch my husband get weaker, even though he won't admit it, I know exactly what you are going thru.  The biggest difference is that we have been together for over 50 years and are older than you and David.  But it is still hard.  This disease is a monster and I wish it gone for everyone.

Thoughts and prayers to you, David and the family.  Sharon

Grandmax4's picture
Grandmax4
Posts: 579
Joined: Dec 2011

keeping David, You and his Mama in my thoughts and prayers...such sorrow, will David be able to go home, with hospice helping, I feel that's where he will be at peace

 

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3636
Joined: Mar 2012

will tell you what he wants....even if by divine inspiration....I realize that you want him to tell you in words what it is that he wants....but I also know that more than other couples who have only been together for months, you two have a bond that surpasses what many have even after years.  Open your mind to what you know....the answer will be there.

p

ditto1
Posts: 630
Joined: Mar 2012

you both, I to teared up reading your post.  I think we through a cyber approach become family and love each other in that way.  So it hurts us all when we hear news that we all do not welcome.  you and David will continue to be in our prayers.  I prayed this morning for both of you and will continue to do so.  I wish I had an earthly answer other than to tell you we all care dearly for both of you.

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1854
Joined: Jun 2012

Trust in the Lord, he will guide you and David. May God bless you both.

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

While waiting in the waiting room for my scans today I got your caring bridge
Post. I then used the whole hour of quiet time before my scans started to pray for peace for both of you. I prayed that David will be able to voice all of his wants and needs and I prayed for comfort and a pain free transition for David no matter which decision he makes. I prayed for you and for your heart and still I kept the prayers alive for a miracle.
I wish there was something I could do to help you, I really and truly do.
I have such respect for you and the love and support you've shown to David. You two have been thru more in a short time than most married couples of several years. I can't help but think God has some special plans for both of you!
Please know that you are constantly in my prayers and in my thoughts. I seriously say a little prayer for you several times throughout each day.

Consider yourself hugged my friend.
Billie

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2866
Joined: May 2012

Vivian,

 

I feel badly for the direction this has turned.  You will continue to make difficult, but correct choices.  We are all with you.

 

Prayers,

 

Matt

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

I cannot add to what others have said (or to what I've posted previously). David and you will make the right choice(s) for him, whatever those choices might be. I'm so sorry. Rick.

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

I cannot add to what others have said (or to what I've posted previously). David and you will make the right choice(s) for him, whatever those choices might be. I'm so sorry. Rick.

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian,

I hope you know how much we have all come to care about you and about David.

I wonder if Hospice would consult with you and David if he is able, and help you all, particularly in guiding you through this tough decision. I am sure they won't tell you what to do, but they may help with the emotional support. No one should have to go through what you are, and yet many of us have, if not for a spouse, yet maybe a parent... and all the experience in the world doesn't help in knowing what to say or what to do to help. At least at this very important time you would have someone by your side that isn't emotionally involved. It's just an idea.

Know that we and our families are all praying for you and David, and know you are not alone.

Wish I was there to hug you.

Love, Kari & Dan

sassysrice's picture
sassysrice
Posts: 117
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian

I logged on tonight just to see if you had posted anything new. I was hoping and praying for goof news, like he had hid hip replacement surgery and was bouncing back. Now my eyes have tears and my heart aches for you and David. We have not ever met and our paths will probably never cross but I feel like I have known you both and I consider you my friends. My prayers and thoughts are with you even more as you guys make your choices. God be with you. And know that if our good Lord takes David home he will live in everyones heart forever. He will be your guardian angle.

Hang in there. Big hugs

Sue

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 846
Joined: Aug 2012

Vivian,

My heart is aching for you both. I've been keeping up with your posts on CaringBridge and each time I read them I tear up thinking of you and wish I could be there to hold your hand and be a friend. I'm so sorry that this has turned in this direction. But, know that God is in charge here. He knows what is best for David and will not allow him to suffer. Even though David is not able to speak to you right now, he knows you're there. I know you will remind him of your love and God's love for him. He will feel that peace in your voice. Hang onto every moment you have left, whether it be a few days, weeks, or months. These weren't the options you were hoping for, but know that God is the only one that will choose what is needed and best for David. I pray God gives you peace with this.

God Bless,

~Cris 

ILMM13
Posts: 28
Joined: Feb 2013

I am so sorry that you're faced with these decisions.  Please know that you and David are in my prayers.

Crazymom's picture
Crazymom
Posts: 294
Joined: Nov 2011

You are a wonderful person Vivian.  You have been incredible to him.  I am sending prayers your way and am so sorry you are going through this.   Ann

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