Mar 17, 2013 - 12:32 pm
My Step Father, who is my "Father", was diagnosed March 2012 with pancreas cancer. He was ugly in his abuse of everyone and really let my Mom have the full extent. My Dad died from a car crash when I was 11 and this man has been a father to a large blended family of 13 kids. He has always been critical and never perfect, but loving. At first the Doctors said they would not put him on chemo since it was too late. They later changed their minds and he went through several rounds of chemo and radiation. His abuse was much less during those treatments but recently, he was told that there was nothing more they could do for him and stopped all treatment. His anger has once again spiked and has become very abusive, again.
To top all of this off, my Mother had knee replacement surgery this last week and now we have two that we are having to act as caregivers for. Upon returning from the hospital yesterday, the core group of siblings met to discuss how the care would be divided up. Dad was at the table and just lit into me after teasing my sister. I was devistated. I had just given up my trip to see and hold a grandchild that had been born last August to help out with Mom's complications with her medicines. I was sucking it up and dealing with postponing my trip (this was the day before I was to get on the plane so it was last minute) and really felt his anger hard. A bottle of wine later and talking with the brother that stayed with Dad last night, I am once again "sucking it up" and preparing to do my shift this afternoon and days through the week. Mom comes home from the hospital today and we are extremely fortunate to have a few that can step up to help, but there are some sibs that my angry father won't have over for whatever slight he perceives, imagined or real, and one or two that my Mother doesn't trust (former drug addict and caught taking things without asking).
I am so glad I took the time to do some research and found this site. I will pass it along to the sibs that are helping out with the folks. fyi, Dad could pass any day, any time, is 84 and Mom is 81. I will try to use the deflection tools that i have to use for my job in dealing with angry people and not internalize, but this is so much harder than imagined. Ok, time to get ready for my shift and finish taking care of things at home.