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Third Anniversary

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

Today marks the third anniversary of the call that forever changed my life.  It is hitting me harder this year probably because I was in remission for the first two.  I have mixed feelings today.  Of course I am thrilled to be alive.  When I got my diangosis I "assumed" I had a few months to live.  I am also in remarkably good health even though I recurred almost a year ago and have two tumors.  I have no symptoms related to the cancer.  I am experiencing hot flashes and fatigue due to the Aromasin I am taking.  At the end of the month I will have a CA 125 that will determine if I keep taking the Aromasin or start chemo.

I think this three-year journey is currently taking more of a toll on my mental and emotional state.  You all know what I mean.  The ups and downs that keep coming.  Sometimes I think it is almost easier to deal with the downs.  We put our big-girl panties on and fight.  The good although treasured is dampened by fear of the possibility of the next down.  I try to remain upbeat but there are days that I just want to scream.  But then the next day I feel happy.  I warned you about my mental state.

The prospect of chemo is also frightening.  Just because I have gone through it before does not make it any easier.  I think it is harder in ways.  I didn't know what to expect and was so sick I was willing to do anything to beat the disease.  I had a lot of help.  My house was full of people offering support.  I hate the thought of dragging everyone through it all again.  I am reassured by my nearest and dearest that they are here for me but I wish they didn't have to be.  My mom at 88 has become more fragile over the last couple of years and finds it difficult to see me suffer and I don't want my son's good memories of me to be eclipsed by this illness.

That pretty much puts my journey in a nutshell.  The good, the bad and the ugly cancer. 

One good thing this disease has brought into my life is all of you.  The sisterhood I have found on this site has been a saving grace for me.  I am amazed by your compassion, kindness, and courage.  The will to live; to fight for this life we all love.  I also appreciate the humor we share.  Sometimes you just have to laugh!

So ladies, I want to end on a happy note.  I feel better after "talking" to you.  You are so important in my life  I talk about you all to people who proabably cannot fathom the bond we have.  But we know, don't we?

 

 Kiss  Love you all,

              Karen 

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1151
Joined: Nov 2010

Congratulations on your anniversary . We all have our good and bad days. This disease is so tricky..you just never know. I just lost a friend to ovca ..only 49 years old. I think we are pretty lucky to have good people taking care of us. I am very grateful for this site as it has helped me so much. I have few more treatments to go then I am hoping for a nice long break. God bless and stay strong...Val 

 

wholfmeister's picture
wholfmeister
Posts: 253
Joined: Dec 2012

I hear you.

March 8 was one year anniversary for diagnosis for me.  Ponder all sorts of thoughts and emotions.  Gratitude and resolve to keep going.  I've come along way, and so have you.  You summed up many of my thoughts.

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1210
Joined: Jul 2012

3rd anniversary of cancer diagnosis is not a Hallmark moment. Only someone who has been through it all can appreciate the emotional significance of this date. The joy of every day being alive, the fatigue and frustration of the endless fighting, the sadness of losing wonderful people you meet along the way, the fear of the unknown and the new-found strength within.  

I wish you many more years of good health, a lot of patience and more ups than downs. Except CA125 which can stay down, way down.

Alexandra

Glad to be done's picture
Glad to be done
Posts: 558
Joined: Jul 2012

Congratulations and Happy Anniversary

 

Cafewoman53's picture
Cafewoman53
Posts: 735
Joined: Jul 2010

  Congratulations, these markers are double edged swords, happy to be there but knowing that our precious time is trickling thru the hourglass that is our lives. In June it will be three years for me, if I get there.  I have no reason to think that I won't get there but I am just in a negative mood today. Usually I am upbeat but I think it does get harder as time goes on. My Dad is 85 and in pretty good health and I understand what you mean, I hate to see him worry about me but we can't control everything actually we really can't control much. Anyway have a great Saint Patricks Day !

Colleen

 

lulu1010's picture
lulu1010
Posts: 367
Joined: Feb 2011

Congratulations on your anniversary! If I am remembering right you have only had chemo once. I was diagnosed about 5 months after you and have been thru the chemo twice. But we are still here and feeling fairly well. Each day brings the hope of a cure. Here's to many more anniversaries! Blessings!

Linda

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1240
Joined: Sep 2011

As cancer survivors, there are certain dates we never forget - the date of our diagnosis, the date of our surgery, the dates of our chemo treatments and for many, the date(s) of recurrence.  I totally understand the mixed feelings that come with each anniversary.  I am so happy you've reached number #3 and I wish you many, many more years.  Like you, I feel so lucky to have the support of the women on this board.  This is a safe place to express "the good, the bad and the ugly"! 

Love and hugs,

Kelly

123Miley's picture
123Miley
Posts: 94
Joined: Jan 2013

I am pretty new here so don't really know any of the ladies.  But, I like so many, others share your anxst.  My original diagnosis was nearly 6 years ago (Stage 3C).  I am currently on treatment for my second recurrence and am having a bit of a hard time.  

I feel like I was really good at having cancer and fighting to GET OVER IT.   But now that I am still fighting cancer and know that I will really never get over it - well that is strange and new territory.  And yes in some ways way more frightening!  

Like you said there are the ups and downs - but there are also the in betweens.  I sort of feel like with this new chapter - it is mostly in betweens.  Treatment works, your tumor marker goes down and you feel good - but how long will it last?  Treatment is not working and your disease has progressed - no surprise there either!  Good or bad it is just more of the same.  And the thought that this is pretty much how it is gooing to be?  Ugh!  It can drive you crazy!

Gheeze this sounds negative and whiney!  I don't mean that at all - my intent is more to help validate your feelings.  We deal with daily realities that fortunately most people will never experience.  Like you said we just have to put our big girl panties on and deal with it.  When that doesn't work we have this place to come to!

 

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