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Need some uplifting

rjporter's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2010

I've been battling breast cancer for 8yrs now but along with fighting the cancer I've been fighting my loneliness, that has occured since I've had this stinking disease. I want to be in a relationship but I guess that means I would at least have to have a date first. I just want someone to go to a movie with, maybe take me to  dinner or a play!! It seems like all the guys that I meet always say once they find out that I have metastatic breast cancer seem to evaporate from my life. I've heard oh you are such a beautiful person but I'm not ready for a relationship (but a few months later they're in one)!! This is really hard for me because this is a battle I'll be fighting the rest of my life. I just.....tears, I just want somebody to love me.  Please if you have any advice or some encouraging words to share I could really use some. Oh and let me say that I do love myself and I do feel that I am a beautiful person bald head and all but sometimes doubt enters my mind and makes me feel that NOONE is EVER GOING TO BE WITH ME Cry!! Having one of those moments now!!!!!!!!!!!

TraciInLA's picture
Posts: 1942
Joined: Jul 2009

You're right -- it really stinks that, along with fighting cancer, you have to fight loneliness and other people's fears and closed-mindedness right along with it.

I wish I had some wise words for you -- but I just wanted to tell you that, when I opened your post and saw your photo, the first thing I thought was, what a beautiful woman.

I hope others here will have some advice for you -- for now, know that we're all here for you anytime, and you're not alone.


rjporter's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2010

Thank you so much for the kind words Ms. Traci I truly appreciate it!



SIROD's picture
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Dear rjporter,

I know you can date if you really want to as I did it, with metastatic cancer (NED during that period of time).  First of all, they don't need to know the status of your disease until, well into the relationship.  Just be vague!  Your hair loss can be attributed to other medical conditions, no necessary cancer.  Don't ever lie, but a little evasiness can go a  long ways for a while.

All relationships are built on one step at a time.  Don't look like you are seeking a life partner but look as though you are very interested in having a good time what ever it is that your doing.  Put a smile on your face and look interesting.  Join a single clubs, go to church socials (don't belong to a church, join one) all kinds of clubs are out there and they are always looking for new members.  You might not have a real devoted interested to it but you can learn and enjoy and sooner or later, Voila!  There will be someone there for you.  Won't happen over night, it rarely does.

 I wanted my old life (pre-cancer) back when I went to NED.  I couldn't get it back but I did the next best thing.  I did everything possible and in no time...., I had 3 in all.   My last one, didn't leave me, I asked to be release.  Eventually, he understood.  

Go out there, and happy hunting!



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