Cancer Survivors Network

Earlier this month I lost the one person who was my everything. My name is Ashley and I'm 21 years old and have just lost my mother to cancer. She had previously had breast cancer when I was five years old and was in remission for 15 years. It came back in the other breast and was immediately removed. We thought the battle was finally over. Summer of 2012 I was very excited because I was starting pharmacy school in the fall which was my mom's dream for me to accomplish. I felt so good making her proud. A few weeks before my orientation my mom had me and my dad come outside with her to talk. I immediately knew something I was wrong. She told us she had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and it had spread to her lymph nodes. I remember standing up and falling to the ground because I could not believe what I was hearing. Never in my life have I seen my dad so vulnerable and my mother so strong. She fought until December when she was considered in remission. We had hopes and plans for the new year including Vegas for my 21st. We had talks about my future graduation and my wedding some day. Then in the end of January everything fell apart. My mom was in so much pain we went to the emergency room. She was immediately sedated and given pain medication. A few days after this the test was given that would tell us she only had a week to live because the cancer had spread to her liver, stomach, abdominal wall, and various other organs. The hardest part was because my mom was so medicated being able to talk to her where I knew she knew it was me. One of her last days, which I will never forget, she was conscious enough to have a quick talk. We talked about how she wouldn't make it to my graduation or wedding, and how we couldn't live without each other. This was the hardest day of my life knowing it would be the last conversation I would ever have with her. She passed at the beginning of the following week. My mom and I had a very special relationship since I was a child. She is my best friend and the reason I am alive. I have hit some of my darkest moments with her by my side and always came back out. There will never be a day that goes by I don't think of her. I would give anything I could to have her back with me. Cancer is a sickening disease and I feel for everyone else on this website. We are going to keep each other strong together. And for anyone living with survivors, cherish them with everything you have because you never know what the next day brings. 

I love you Mom always and forever my angel.