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Miss my wife more every day !!!!!!!

teko 1959
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2013

I lost my beautiful,funny,mother of my two girls in dec of 2009. she was diagnosed with Aml in July of 09.My wife and the girls were visiting Lisa's parents in jersey,one morning i receive a call from my wife ,they were at the beach.lisa had been complaining of being tired all the time ,we both chalked it up to work and the girls and having our first home built.But that morning she couldn't walk off the beach ,no strength,hard to breath.her family got her to the ER ,thats where the diagnosis came in .That was a sunday,by wed morning Lisa was admitted to Moffit Cancer Institute in tampa.

  She was so brave ,(Lisa was very smart also ,she knew everything that was happening to her and what was going to happen),so strong willed.She fought for her life every day .All the tests and needles and trials .her brother was a 100 % match for bone marrow transplant,the only set back was something callled a FLT-3 chomosone.I believe if she didn't have that mutation she would have made it..I cry every day,i miss her so much, I see our girls growing up without their Mom,lisa loved them so much,you see we didn't get started till late in life i was 40 lisa was 36.Those girls were her life.They are now 10 and 13.during those six months of treatment ,she only saw the girls ,maybe six or seven times ,it used to kill her ,but she didn't want them to remember her like that.The day she past,the doctors and nurses were destoyed,she left such a impression on them,on everyone she met.The doctors and nurses were in tears. 

I am so angry she is gone,I haven't slept a full nite since she's gone ,keep checking on the girls throughout the night.i wish the girls still had their Mom .I used to beg god to please change places,take me and leave Lisa with the girls . i know i wouldn't have been as strong as her .

got to keep going on for our girls .honey you were the best friend ,wife and mother any one could ever wish for .

 

Petie
Posts: 16
Joined: Feb 2013

Teko, You have my deepest and most sincere sympathy.

A great man once told me, when I was dealing with loss and grief, that I could allow the grief to break me. Or that I could channel all that heartache, anger, sadness and sorrowful energy into the living. Those would be your children and your work. That great man asked me what the brother I'd lost would have wanted, and how he would have wanted to see my energies expended; for the good? Or for the ever-draining sorrow? It is what kept me going, and allowed me to raise my son to become a good man. That was nineteen years ago. Those days it was only the child that got my behind out of bed and to work.....at work it became making a better life for the folks I supervised, clientele I served, and management I answered to - made their lives a living hell because I challenged every issue I thought lacking mostly out of frustration for my personal loss. Did same to staff; productivity and retention rose to unprecedented levels.  That was almost 2 decades ago, and I'm here to tell you that there is a good life awaiting you. You will grieve, though. I cried sometimes,(rarely!) and it was difficult not for me but for the men I supervised. It will become easier to live with. That is all. The pain never goes entirely away; gets easier to live with, but you will make a good life for your children, and you will be amazed at what they will teach you about living. You'll take that to work and extrapolate, and in some decades you will look back on what you have accomplished......in amazement.

My best to you, P.

Petie
Posts: 16
Joined: Feb 2013

PS sleeping well remains a privilege. EVERYTHING has changed for you, it is in your hands and psyche to root out the positive and weed out the bad. When you make the attempt to embrace life for your children and then yourself, you'll find yourself exceeding your own expectations, let alone those of others. Sometimes burning the midnight oil serves to search out peace within. You are the center of stability for those around you, and that stability is sometimes elusive; keep at it tho and you'll find it. For therein lies  freedom. The cost of freedom is eternal vigilance, and, while you're burning the midnight oils you might look to see who this quote is from, and what time period it came from.

I expect a full report next time you're burning the midnight oils.

Best, P

teko 1959
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2013

Well now you have my attention ,Jefferson ,Paine,Curran to name a few were said to have used this quote. thank you

Petie
Posts: 16
Joined: Feb 2013

I was going to Jefferson with it; the balls it took to sever from England and create an entire new country. Sometimes thinking about the history of where we live , and yes - it can be subjective to wherever one lives - can give strength. Strength can be found in many places. And when you give a report of a good day, it gives those of us back in the trenches a boost. You see, the way is forward. For, as callous as this may sound, Life is for the Living. What it means is that we shall honor our loved ones in the manner they expect from us, and we shall extrapolate every bit of goodness and disregard the bad, because now we live not only for ourselves, but we live this Life for our loved one, as well. You're living for 2 now, and your chldren.

Am pretty down this eve, as my husband is back in the hospital. He has never made this journey with a dear one to him, and he does not know what to expect, and it scares the hell out of him. Scares the hell out of me also, but  I have only made the journey with my mother, my aunt, clients at the place I worked at....but never with a spouse. I miss having small children around, as believe it or not, they make living easier.

Plan good days, and send the rest of us still in the trenches some good reports and encouragement to keep the faith and keep marching.

P

Egad I'd like to sleep....

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shinning_like_me
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2013

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You are the best husband in the whole world, You miss your wife, I amn sure that will make you even more strong to kjeep your child on the right bringing up. i am so touched with yr love for your wife. that it makes me feel from what you wrote that she truly was a good wife and woman

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