Feb 19, 2013 - 5:31 am
I am a 61 year old American Living in the Netherlands for the last 13 1/2 years, a NEW wife of a nearly 77 year old man (HS) battling his prostate cancer for 12 years, 3+ with me. I met him too soon after a mostly miserable 24 year 2nd marriage/divorce and knew after a 6 month friendship that he was my soulmate. If there are any other loving caregivers of prostate cancer victims ( and/or ex-patriots in similar circumstances) that can connect with me, I would be very grateful! I am really needing support (in my English language)with how to have healthy boundaries while keeping my heart, mind and spirit open to his growing needs. This has been extremely difficult when he is unable to appreciate all I do, is impossible to please (which, thank God,isn't yet most of the time) or (since or honeymoon in July) cannot give any affection, ESPECIALLY when I am under the weather or tired myself.
I am concerned that if/when his cancer progresses , I will have more problems with old general issues and specific ones like feeling as if I can never be good enough (ie; as a wife, mother, step mother, etc...) which I am asking God to help me overcome! Though I have grown at times in this area, my defensive , hurt, lonley , angry feelings, still too often rear their draining heads. Because I am living in a very provincial part of Holland, the isolation from my own language, culture, ideas, and values can be overwhelming. The simplest things like making an EGG precisely the way the Dutch think is good on a warm plate, etc... can seem like a daunting task.
Anyway, since I am writing this while HS adn BOTH have the flu, it may sound a bit victimy. Please believe me when I say that there are many times I feel quite positive of being his caregiver 24/7, but sometimes, I truly get claustrophobic in our home and need to connect with someone who truly understands my situation, especially when I cannot get out - when sick myself.
Thanks for reading,